


Semper Idem...?

by Pookles



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Brainwashing, Cults, F/M, Forced Pregnancy, Gen, Genetic Engineering, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, OC, Other, Romance, Season 6 Speculation, inbreeding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-08-21 08:09:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 45,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16572836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pookles/pseuds/Pookles
Summary: A Season 6 speculative fic for The 100. Takes place in a brand-new world after most of Wonkru has landed on the ground. PLEASE REVIEW THE TAGS BEFORE READING





	1. Chapter 1

Always the same...?

An intense sunrise bled through the trees of the new and expanding village, as Clarke wove her way in and out of busy workers. It had been a month since the first exodus ship hit the ground of the new planet, which Commander Madi had dubbed Novae Terrae at Bellamy’s suggestion. It looked kind of like Earth, it had grass and trees, and mountains, and clouds, but the color was off. Instead of shades of deep forest greens, plants and leaves were blue, or yellow in color, and often alternated between these colors even within the same species.

The land the village was settled on, was at the top of a flat hill that gently sloped down to the flat grasslands that had been converted into farms. On the opposite side was where the forest seemed to stretch on for several kilometers before eventually coming to a wide river. It served as a nice boundary for patrols to follow around the backside of the village before heading down to the grassland. With all the land they’d already covered in three months, they’d learned a lot about Novae Terrae. 

First, there were these giant ‘balloon’ trees everywhere. They weren’t anything like the trees Clarke had seen on Earth, these trees were almost backwards in how they grew. Instead of having large, leafy canopies, these trees had giant trunks. Sometimes the stumps were hundreds of meters wide and tall, and not at all circular in some cases. The branches were small and gnarled, looking much more dead than alive, and held almost no leaves. Each tree was more than sturdy enough to hold itself upright, if you carved out the middle and made a house out of it. They were even strong enough to have windows carved through the bark. But when they started cutting the trees down, something about the wood changed and it became brittle; no longer strong enough to support the weight of Madi’s boot, let alone a roof. The bigger trees had been reserved for communal buildings like the infirmary, mess hall, meeting hall, and communal housing for the prisoners. While the smaller trees had been allocated to certain people for one or two person houses, or for smaller buildings like storage or the armory.

Second, there were all kinds of strange animals, and it took a significant amount of trial and error to figure out which ones could be eaten and which couldn’t. The prisoners were fed a meal of each animal that was killed to see if it was something their stomachs could tolerate. However, more often than not, several of the taste-testers were in the infirmary being induced to vomit up the poisonous food. There were other animals that liked to try and kill them, like a kind of flightless bird that had claws on the ends of its wings and toes and could spit rocks as projectiles. And then there were just strange animals, like the aptly named ‘penis’ snakes that often hung around in branches of the giant balloon trees. 

For some reason, many women, and some men of the Wonkru warriors had been killing the snakes for sport, and Clarke didn’t want to know what they were doing with them.

And third, there weren’t really seasons. Since the planet rotated on a perfectly horizontal axis, the side facing the sun was always summer, and the side facing away was always winter. But they still had consistent day and night cycles because the planet orbited the binary suns perpendicular to the planet’s rotation. They’d chosen to land somewhere between these two zones of extreme hot and extreme cold, and had found a pleasant temperature of twenty-one degrees Celsius year-round. The days were warm, and the nights were cool because the climate and season stayed the same, but they had real bad thunderstorms on occasion.

Because the balloon trees took so much work to carve out and create rooms in, the prisoners were working as a labor force to build and expand the village before they woke the rest of Wonkru. According to Madi, they would use this as their time to prove themselves worthy enough to have been saved. Clarke had chosen to work in the infirmary with Abby and Jackson, whereas Spacekru had been given positions within Madi’s inner circle of advisors. Madi offered Clarke a place by her side, but Clarke had declined for a plethora of reasons -none of which she felt the Commander and her advisors would care to hear.

Clarke carried a basket of medicinal herbs that Jordan had grown in one of the newly-built high tunnels, and put them in the solar dehydrator to dry them. She entered the infirmary to see that it was already buzzing with activity. The sharp smell of medicinal herbs and sting of antiseptic flooded her nostrils when she passed the doorway, and already she felt sick to her stomach. The giant tree the infirmary was built into was smelling less and less like nature, and more like the white-walled hospital she sometimes saw in her nightmares about Mount Weather.

While eavesdropping on conversations as she jumped in to help, she quickly learned that the sudden influx of patients was because they’d carved out a large tree for the Commander’s house. Carving a new building always led to many of them coming in with bruises, blisters, dislocated limbs, or strained muscles. Clarke tried her hardest not to agree with the prisoners, who were openly expressing their distaste for having to build such an extravagant house for a child. They also thought that she wasn’t a strong leader because of her age and the fact that there were adults that followed her meant that they were crazy.

“Clarke,” Abby’s voice reached her. “You’ve been here all night. Go home and sleep.”

The young woman knew that her mother wasn’t about to let it go, and walked out of the infirmary without answering her. Her cabin was in the woods, a significant distance away from the infirmary and the rest of the village. Close enough to walk to if someone needed to come get her, but far enough that the trees and low hum of the forest muted the hustle and bustle of the village. 

Her house was also carved from a balloon tree, but it was much farther out than the expected range of the village borders, and she’d done all the work herself. The outside was patterned with charcoal, which just washed away every time it rained -not that Clarke minded drawing new things on the walls of her home- and left giant black stains on the soil and grass. Up in the branches Clarke had relocated several bioluminescent plants that she’d found caterpillars on, to pots in the branches, so she could create a hub for them to grow and reproduce. She then used the glowing insects as lights in her home until they metamorphosed into glowing moths. They were released back to the wild where they would lay their eggs on the plants on the tree and start the process again.

Inside the house, Clarke had tried to carve as much furniture from the innards of the tree as she could, so she wouldn’t have to make any later. She fit in a loft bed, a bathroom, a closet, a fireplace, a decently sized sitting area and had enough room left over to carve out some counters and shelves from the tree, and build an oven from cement to make a kitchen. The floor was also cement, and did well to cool the house during the day and retain heat at night. There was a window up by her bed facing the direction of the sunrise so it could wake her up in the morning, and there was a second facing the sunset, so she could draw all the different colors and cloud shapes before she went to bed.

She grabbed a basket off a shelf in the closet and went into her garden to pick some food for lunch. Plants from Earth grew exceptionally well in the alien soil, and Clarke was happy she was able to feed herself not only healthier alternatives to bread and salted meat, but also not needing support from the village at all. She was completely self-sustaining at her home in the forest. She picked kale, spinach, and cut the leaves from some of her beets -she’d planted far too many- before picking some strawberries. Whatever was in the soil really intensified the sweetness of fruits and the crispness of vegetables, and Clarke found herself munching on them as she strolled about.

She gave up on the prospect of making a leafy-strawberry salad, and opted to sit on one of the tree’s giant roots that framed her garden to munch on her food. From there she could see the adventures of an animal that she’d managed to catch and tame. Clarke’s turtle-duck was an enigmatic combination of mostly duck head and body and the ability to lay hard-shelled eggs, but also had a tough shield of an exoskeleton, covering its back and preventing it from flying. Either way, she was happy she had a way to get protein that didn’t involve killing the cryptid, lizard-stags she’d seen, or eating soybeans. After six years in the valley, Clarke was more than done with eating soybeans for protein.

When she’d finished her meal, she sat there just watching the hybrid animal eat all of the alien insects that plagued her earthly crops. The sound of footsteps caught Clarke’s attention, but she didn’t reach for her spear. Murphy came around the corner of the house, and Clarke maintained the tension in her shoulders, but let the rest of her relax.

“Greetings fellow cockroach,” Murphy gave her a mock salute before joining her on the steps. “I hope you’re not doing anything today.”

Clarke just stared at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows -Murphy was the last person she’d expected to visit her. 

“Well, Madi finally approved an exploration mission, and you need to come,” He explained as his eyes surveyed the garden.

She could feel the dread pooling thick in her stomach, this was not going to end well.

“Madi said we couldn’t go without a medic,” Murphy explained properly. 

Clarke just looked away and tried to maintain her composure. Going on an exploration mission that could last days, with the three people that hated her the most was not something she was ready for.

“Did I mention that you don’t have a choice?” He finished. “Jackson’s tied up with the people that just got out of cryo, and your mom is helping the prisoners.”

The homesteader hung her head and stalked inside her house to change clothes and pack a bag. As a peace offering, she held some extra rations out to Murphy, who hesitantly accepted them. They exited the house in silence after Clarke put her pet inside.

“It’s nice and quiet out here,” Murphy began chatting as they waited for the others to show up. “Do you think it’s enough distance between us?”

She just held his gaze. He’d been baiting her with questions like this ever since Bellamy woke him up. He was still angry at her for how she’d treated them, and while Clarke couldn’t blame him, she also couldn’t figure out why. Murphy seldom liked her, but he was always able to understand her reasoning when she’d fucked up like this in the past.

“It’s all well and good,” He continued with a false pleasantness that made Clarke want to vomit. “Out of sight, out of mind, amirite?”

She nodded absently as Bellamy appeared from the tree line, alone. Murphy wore a quizzical glance, and Clarke held back a sigh of relief.

“Echo’s not coming,” Bellamy explained, looking uncomfortable as he approached. “She doesn’t want to be too far from the Commander so soon.”

The blonde swallowed her irritation with Echo’s possessiveness over Madi, and Murphy kindly changed the subject.

“So where are we going?”

“To explore the land on the other side of the river and see if we should use it for hunting, farmland, or freshwater,” Bellamy replied as he shifted his pack.

She exchanged a glance with them and sighed before walking deeper into the woods. The three of them did not have the expertise or tools needed to make that distinction. Clarke led the way through the trees, Bellamy just behind her, and Murphy staying unusually quiet the rear.

Clarke hadn’t been speaking to anyone since they’d reached the ground, and for the first three months, no one wanted to talk to her anyway. Everyone had a problem with something she had done on Earth before they left, and found any reason they could to avoid her. She could’ve tried to apologize, and often did, but no one wanted to hear it. It was why she moved away from the village in the first place; if they didn’t want her in their lives, then she could easily live by herself.

Hell, even Murphy held some things against her. It was a clear sign that she’d really fucked up this time.

Her lack of speech wasn’t because she was angry with anyone -but herself-, she just couldn’t find the point to speaking. No one had wanted to hear her thoughts about the exodus and the construction of the village; they didn’t want to hear her opinions about anything. Her relationships with her ‘friends’ were still broken, and she didn’t want to make anything worse. 

Monty and Harper’s last words of: “Do better,” echoed through her mind constantly nowadays, and in addition was reminded of the promise she made to them the day she’d set foot on the ground.  
If she was going to live, she was going to do better, by not doing worse. 

She wasn’t convinced that things would get better for her. The least she could do was rehabilitate Octavia, and give Jordan pointers about integrating into Spacekru so they could be safe and loved. That option was long gone for her.

The dark tendrils of her sins started branching from her fractured heart, and she shook herself before her emotions could overtake her. She couldn’t do that here. Not with Bellamy and Murphy watching her every move. She tried her best to refocus on the trail, but it disappeared again when Bellamy matched pace beside her, blocking her left periphery.

“How have you been Clarke?” He asked good-naturedly.

The functional mute just barely glanced at him before she felt her heart in her throat again. She looked away and focused her gaze firmly on the trail.

“Murphy wasn’t kidding,” He commented. “You really don’t talk anymore.”

She avoided his eyes, and he took a long pause to carefully choose his words.

“Either way, thank you for coming Clarke,” He told her with his signature half-smile. “It feels good to have you back.”

It was a lie, and Bellamy knew it. She wasn’t ‘back’ by any definition of the word. She’d been withdrawing into herself for months now, and he definitely had noticed, because he’d been reaching out to her all that time. Their friends - though Clarke didn’t think of them as her friends anymore- hated her, and didn’t want her anywhere near them or Bellamy. So she just moved away and avoided them whenever she had to go into the village. The isolation just caused her to drift further and further away, and she felt that there wasn’t any sweet-talking or convincing he could do to close that distance between them.

She instead gave him a small nod in return before re-focusing on the woods. If he was going to keep lying, so was she. Lying about her feelings hurt less.

By the time night fell, the trio reached the river and decided to make camp, rather than crossing in the dark. Murphy was trying to get a fire going as Bellamy kept watch, and Clarke was waist-deep in the river, carefully scooping out some kind of near-translucent fish with her bare hands into a basket.

Clarke could feel Bellamy’s eyes on her as she climbed out of the current, and shrugged her jacket and boots back on before bringing the basket to the fire. Bellamy returned in time to watch the blonde woman artfully skin and skewer the fish before resting them between the coals to cook. She also skinned the remaining fish, salted, and wrapped them in some big orange leaves that were part of a shrub growing right by the water to eat another day. Once the cooked fish were ready, she passed one to each of her companions before taking one for herself. She kept her eyes on anything but the two sitting near her, who were making small talk about their jobs. 

Murphy and Bellamy were both on Madi’s advisory council, but Bellamy also worked as a member of the royal guard, and Murphy worked in the kitchens with Emori and occasionally Jordan.

“The stew you guys came up with was amazing,” Bellamy continued. “Madi wants you guys to make it more often.”

Murphy snorted, “We were only able to make it because someone was able to take down two of those giant stags the last time they went out. They’re as big as cars, but the lizard-tail and legs have this green meat that oozes purple blood, and doesn’t look remotely edible. We’d need four or five of them in order to feed everyone just for one meal.”

Bellamy’s eyes flicked to Clarke, “I only remember one person sneaking into camp that night.”

Clarke just continued to avoid his eyes as she sprinkled some more salt on her fish. The creatures were a special kind of nasty.

“That was you?” Murphy asked with surprise, then quickly hid it. “Who knows? She probably stole them from a hunting party so she could take the credit.”

“No hunting party had been out far enough to get to them,” Bellamy told him sternly, as Clarke shrunk deeper into herself.

Murphy heard the warning in his words and shrugged, “Whatever.”

They finished their meal in silence and Bellamy volunteered to keep watch during the night.

“I spent most of the day in bed today, so I’m good to stay up,” He reassured them when Murphy asked and Clarke raised an eyebrow.

Murphy broke into a grin, “Ah...so it was _that_ kind of morning then?”

Clarke felt intensifying nausea in her stomach as a headache began to form. The last thing she ever wanted to talk about was Bellamy and Echo’s sex life. She tossed the remains of her meal into the fire, and went to go set up her tent a significant distance away from where Murphy had his stuff laid out. She heard Bellamy call after her, but ignored him as she found a nice dry spot.

Bellamy tossed his fish into the fire to burn and walked a short distance before he looked in the opposite direction of where Clarke had gone. He was angry that she wasn’t responding to him at all. Murphy began setting up his tent once he finished eating.

“You can’t force Clarke to do anything, Bellamy,” Murphy told him as he struggled with the tent poles. “If she’s gonna be a bitch, let her be a bitch.”

The older man gritted his teeth as moved to help the younger, “She’s not a bitch.”

“Why else won’t she talk to anyone?” The delinquent began. “She clearly doesn’t care how we feel, if she won’t even talk to us about it.”

The older man shot him a glare, “You were the one who told her to go float herself, Murphy. Maybe she’s not talking to you because you won’t fucking listen.”

Bellamy didn’t even feel the punch to his jaw until he was sprawled out on the ground.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say it’s because she’s a bitch,” Murphy snapped as he flexed his hand. “She hurt you the worst Bellamy, and here you are defending her! What the hell is wrong with you? You should be on my side!”

“Abusing Clarke is not how you make yourself feel better!” Bellamy shouted back, and before he could stop himself added: “It’s how you drive a friend to suicide!”

Silence fell between them, and Bellamy prayed that Clarke hadn’t heard him divulge her secret. He wasn’t even supposed to know. 

It had taken them two weeks to wake up all the necessary people, and get everyone on the same page for landing. Clarke had been verbally abused and thrown out of meetings almost constantly despite Bellamy’s intervention. He understood that his family was mad, but they had no right to treat her that way after she’d saved them again. A week before the first launch, Abby found Clarke asleep in a bed of her own blood in her quarters, with a knife buried deep in her stomach. With the help of some of Dioyza’s men, they got her to the operating room and cleaned up the bed before anyone noticed. Clarke survived, and asked that if they wouldn’t let her die, then they wouldn’t speak of her attempt.

Dioyza had told Bellamy about it because she thought that he and Clarke were together and Madi was their child. Bellamy didn’t even have time to set the record straight as he fought off the urge to go lecture his family.

“What are you talking about?” Murphy asked, quieter, and with a glance at Clarke’s tent.

“Before we landed, Clarke tried to kill herself,” Bellamy told him carefully. “Dioyza said couldn’t live with the pain of everything she’d done. She knows she hurt you, but you don’t care about her enough to let her try and make it up to you.”

Murphy grabbed Bellamy’s collar and shook him angrily, albeit for a different reason.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Murphy demanded.

Bellamy pushed him away, “Every time I wanted to talk about Clarke, you all just shot me down or left the room. This is on you. If you care about her, and want her to live, then stop being a child and go talk to her.”

Murphy just stared at him for a moment and then crossed his arms, “She’s not going to talk back.”

Bellamy rubbed his face with his hands, “Do whatever the hell you want, Murphy. But if she makes another attempt, it’s your fault for not trying to help her.”

He turned on his heel and stalked toward the tree line, tightly gripping his rifle in an attempt to steady his emotions.  


***

The next morning Bellamy didn’t see Clarke until she exited the woods at dawn with a few dead bunny-cats for breakfast. They ate in relative silence before packing up camp and heading down to a shallow crossing in the river. Clarke drew her spear immediately upon stepping on the opposite shore and offered a small and silent prayer as the memory of Jasper getting speared flooded her senses. For just a moment, she was standing on the opposite bank of the river again, watching Jasper lay motionless on the ground in a pool of his own blood, the spear sticking out of his chest at an awkward angle. She took a moment to collect herself and stood, gripping her spear just a little bit tighter.

They could fight back now. It wouldn’t happen again.

She looked to her comrades, who were staring at her with concerned faces. She felt the pain seep from her heart with every beat as she straightened and led the way into the forest. None of them had been there that day. Monty, Jasper, and Finn had died. Octavia was still alive, but deeply broken in a way that only she herself could really understand.

Clarke was thankful that Bellamy was bringing up the back of their group after their pseudo-talk the day before. She wanted nothing more than to scream and yell and punch him until he felt as bad as she did, but she couldn’t do that to Bellamy. Between Octavia’s former abuse, and her own past disregard for his feelings, she didn’t want to add to his pain. He’d been hurt so much already, and she didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

There were too many feelings she had when it came to Bellamy. She cared too much. They always ended up hurting each other one way or another, and now he cared about...well, anyone, more than he cared about her. She couldn’t bring herself to go through the pain of being close with him again, only to know that she could never have him the way she wanted him. He didn’t love her. He’d never loved her. In his eyes, she was a worse option than Echo now, and that alone made her want to run from him every time he tried to speak to her.

The building dread in her stomach suddenly evaporated when she heard a growl from somewhere off the side of the trail. Out of the trees erupted what appeared to be some kind of giant canine, but it had no eyes, a short tail, and a large, six-nostrilled nose. It roared, then charged, and Clarke leapt backward to draw Bellamy’s sword. She ran forward and dove underneath the beast, slicing open its stomach as she slid across the forest floor on her knees.

It collapsed onto its side and blood gushed out of the long wound, quickly enough to only grant the beast one last breath. Bellamy and Murphy who were paralyzed for the span of the attack, walked over to deliver a kill shot each, just in case.

“What the hell was that?” Murphy asked as he turned back to them.

Clarke had knelt to examine the beast’s face and quickly pulled out her paper and charcoal to sketch it. She tore out the paper and handed it to Bellamy with the note _"to Raven"_ written on the top, and once again stiffened when she heard a twig snap. Bellamy took aim with his rifle as a second of the mysterious creatures appeared. It was significantly smaller than the first -about the size of a car compared to the size of a small cabin- and was cautiously sniffing everything.

“Oh shit did you kill its mother?” Murphy asked and Bellamy shushed him.

Clarke gently pushed the barrel of Bellamy’s rifle to point at the ground and stuck her spear in the soil before rummaging through her pack. She pulled out a fish from the night before, and slowly approached the creature. When she was about three meters away, she held out the fish with an open palm, trying her hardest to stay relaxed and not move. Murphy was shocked while Bellamy watched in awe as the beast not only ate from Clarke’s hand, but allowed her to pet it. Clarke gave it a piece of another fish as a reward and pretty soon she was smiling happily as she rubbed its belly.

Clarke shot a glance at Bellamy that seemed to be asking an obvious question.

Bellamy took a moment to consider his options, “It could be useful for hunting or rescue missions. Madi will buy that.”

She nodded at him as they watched the beast roll over and Clarke carefully climb on its back.

“Well it’s not the rover, that’s for sure,” Murphy commented.

Clarke’s smile disappeared as she gently ruffled the fur of her new pet.

“Let’s keep going,” Bellamy ordered with a nod at Clarke and a glare at Murphy.

Clarke nodded back and gently steered the beast as Bellamy handed Clarke her spear. He couldn’t help but compare her to some Celtic or Nordic princess, and was stuck in that fantasy for a while before he noticed Murphy watching him. The simple leather armor and long braids disappeared to reveal Clarke’s short hair and leather jacket. Bellamy rolled his eyes and tried to keep his gaze from lifting from the trail.

Eventually the forest gave way to a gentle slope and then to a lake. Herds of what looked like giant deer drank from the water before disappearing into the woods on all sides.

“Hunting ground it is,” Bellamy concluded. “It’s too far to carry water, and we should preserve the habitat to maintain the stag’s population.”

Murphy nodded, “Okay. Then let’s get the hell out of here.”

When they returned to the river they made camp again in complete silence. Clarke was dutifully ignoring the men accompanying her and Bellamy was watching Murphy watch Clarke. When she set up her tent a noticeable distance from them, Murphy volunteered to take the first watch. Bellamy was suspicious of Murphy stepping up to do something, and watched him carefully make his way around the clearing, before stopping at Clarke’s tent.

Bellamy couldn’t see them well from the fire, but he saw Murphy sit on the ground outside and place his rifle a good distance behind him before Clarke emerged. With everything that had happened, Bellamy assumed that Clarke was feeling intimidated and scared by the prospect of Murphy wanting to talk to her, and considered going over to supervise. After several minutes of talking Bellamy resolved to get up, and when he did, he saw Clarke dip her head in a nod before Murphy gently touched her shoulder and left.

Bellamy watched Murphy with an expectant look in his eye, as the latter sat down by the fire. 

“I don’t forgive her,” Murphy said. “What she did to you, Raven, Echo, and Shaw was too far. But she knows that. She doesn’t need me constantly reminding her.”

Bellamy knew that a single half-conversation wasn’t going to magically fix things between them, but he reached out to pat Murphy on the shoulder anyway.

“I know she’ll appreciate that,” He answered. 

Murphy just grunted before picking up his rifle and returning to his watch.

End Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke cradled her turtle-duck -who she’d named Harper- as she walked about her expanded garden. From the far edge, they could easily see the barely-carved doorway of what would eventually become Murphy and Emori’s home.

Harper squawked in her arms and Clarke gently hugged the bird a little closer, “Yeah. I miss them too.”

It had been a month since the first exploration mission, and apparently Bellamy had given Clarke a glowing review of her behavior in the field, because all she was doing was exploring and mapping by order of the Commander. She didn’t mind it, exploring large swaths of territory, bringing back new plants for Jordan to analyze, and drawing the mysterious creatures she encountered. But she hated it when they made her go with other people. Despite Clarke having gone on every trip, they never let her lead one of them. It was always Bellamy or Echo or Indra. 

Clarke and Bellamy still had tension between them that she wasn’t ready to deal with, Echo hated her, and Indra always wanted to get back quickly, so she could spend more time with Gaia. So Clarke always ended up having to go back out by herself in order to fix their terrible maps. Because of her new job, Clarke hadn’t set foot in the village in a week and hadn’t seen Murphy and Emori for longer. 

Murphy and Clarke’s relationship had improved significantly over the past month. He still didn’t forgive her, and made sure that she knew it, but he wasn’t openly antagonizing her anymore. Echo, Raven, and Emori still had that pretty well-covered. He hadn’t told her that he knew about her attempt, but part of Clarke suspected that he knew anyway. It was the only thing that could’ve caused such a sudden change in their relationship. 

At this point, Clarke was healing as well as she could with the constant abuse she received every time she set foot in the village, and Murphy not pitying her or trying to make her feel better was helping. Clarke didn’t want to be pitied, she got enough of that from her mother. He was trying to understand her without belittling her feelings, which was something entirely new for them; though it was slow going since Clarke still didn’t want to talk.

It eventually led to the decision of Murphy moving out to live near Clarke. He’d claimed that the village was getting too cramped and that he wanted his space from it all. Deep down he was still a loner, and Clarke wasn’t sure if that’s what he really wanted or not. Emori had been extremely resistant to the idea of being anywhere near Clarke, but watching Murphy not openly alienate Clarke was slowly softening Emori as well.

The last exodus to get the rest of Wonkru to the ground was underway, and the village was busy preparing for their arrival. Hunting, gathering, cooking and preserving everything they could find or kill, and building as many new homes as they could. Because Murphy and Emori worked in the kitchens, they were responsible for all of the preserving with Jordan, along with their cooking duties. Clarke usually saw them in passing when they got days off to work on their house, and was happy to see them busy and needed after their peoples had so easily tossed them aside before.

She asked a silent question to Monty, and could almost feel him smile as she did. Helping build Murphy and Emori’s house would definitely be doing better. She deposited Harper in a basil patch before leaving the garden and beginning to work. There was a design pinned to the doorframe, which outlined everything that the pair wanted or needed. The tools she’d used to build her own house had been returned to the smithy, because she was told other people would need them. She hooked the saddle of her scent-beast -which Murphy had named Sniffer for his giant nose- to a wagon and rode to the smithy to see if they had any tools left over.

A brown-haired man was striking the hot metal of a sword against an anvil as she approached. He was definitely one of the prisoners, and Clarke wondered how he got such an important job when the prisoners were still on probation.

“What can I do for you, miss…?” He greeted her as he tossed the sword in a barrel of water.

Clarke dismounted Sniffer and began scribbling on a piece of paper. _I need carving tools to build a house._

His eyes narrowed, intensifying their green color, as he looked between her and the written text, “Who are you?”

She scribbled on the pad again. _My name is Clarke Griffin. I live just outside the village. I’m helping my friends build their house._

He took another moment to study her and held out his hand, “My name is Kent Dawson. It’s nice to meet you Clarke.”

Surprise colored her features as she shook his hand. _It’s nice to meet you too._

“Bring your wagon around back and I’ll get you what you need, doll,” He told her with a smile and a wink before walking back into the smithy tree.

The woman couldn’t help but blush lightly as the memory of Finn swam through her mind. His smile, his charm, it seemed to be reincarnated in the man before her. She took a moment to collect herself before grabbing Sniffer’s reigns and leading him around the back of the building. The beast sat down quietly as Clarke fed him a piece of fish, while Dawson loaded the tools into the wagon.

“If any of them break, c’mon back and I’ll repair them for you,” He told her.

_Thank you._ Clarke wrote. _I’ll bring them back when I’m finished._

“Nah, keep them,” He continued with a smile and then a wink. “I’ve fixed that set ten times now, and besides, it’ll give you a reason to come see me again.”

Clarke nodded once before mounting Sniffer and taking off into the woods.

It had been a long time since anyone had tried flirting with her, and Clarke swallowed the bitter bile that rose in her throat. Wells had loved her, and had died before they ever gotten a chance, Finn had cheated on her and she had to kill him to spare him a more painful death, Nyliah wasn’t really a girlfriend, more of a fling, and Lexa...Lexa’s death was her fault as well. It was part of the reason why she was avoiding Bellamy so much. All they’d ever done was hurt each other, and if they fell in love -which would never happen anyway- he would probably end up dead too. Not loving anyone was protecting them from her.

Having someone completely fresh and new seem interested in her was a new feeling. But it wasn’t one that she was at all comfortable with. He had no idea of the things she’d done, and if he ever asked, he’d just run for the hills. That much she was sure of.

The next day Clarke had to go exploring in the morning -since Indra was leading the expedition they’d be back by lunch- and decided she’d keep building the house in the afternoon. Except when Clarke got to the village atop Sniffer, the group wasn’t waiting in the usual spot. Raven saw her looking around and approached her.

“Indra felt that there were more important things to do than mapping today,” Raven explained with a gentler expression than Clarke had seen her with recently. “She said to tell you to take the day off.”

Clarke nodded and turned Sniffer around to head back out when Raven called out to her again.

“Do you like it out there? Alone in the woods?” She asked, catching Clarke off-guard.

Clarke just stared at her with an indifferent expression. She couldn’t tell if the genius engineer was mocking her or not.

“I just wanted to know what the appeal was,” She said stiffly. “Since you convinced Murphy that it was a good idea to move out there."

Clarke just shook her head and scribbled on a piece of paper. _I didn’t do anything. That was his decision._

Raven read the note and stared at Clarke, “So you’re not going to admit to it?”

The blonde just sighed and turned Sniffer back toward the woods.

“No, wait Clarke!” Raven called after her and Clarke stopped, looking carefully over her shoulder.

The brunette hobbled up to Sniffer and hung her head for a moment. But when she met Clarke’s eyes, she felt her anger rise in her again.

“I don’t know how you got Murphy to forgive you, but I don’t. It’s your fault we almost died, because you didn’t just shoot McCreary, the valley is gone, and Monty and Harper are gone too,” Raven continued. “This is all your fault.”

Clarke held her gaze the entire time without divulging any indication to how she felt. She dropped her eyes to write something on the paper and handed it to Raven, before heading into the woods.

_He doesn’t forgive me._

**

“What the hell are you doing?”

Clarke turned away from the wall where she’d been carving a window to face Emori, who was standing just inside the doorway.

“You’re the one that’s been building our house?” She asked again.

The blonde nodded as she reached for a piece of paper.

_I don’t have any mapping or infirmary work to do, and I wanted to help. I’ve been following your design exactly as you wrote it._

Emori read the note, but didn’t stop glaring, “Why? All you’ve done is hurt us.”

Clarke took a minute to carefully choose her words.

_I want to apologize. But I don’t expect forgiveness. What I did was awful and wrong, and you all have every right to be mad. And I want you to know, that I know that, and that I’ll always regret it._

The look on Emori’s face didn’t change, and Clarke left the design pinned to a wall before taking her leave.

Even though Emori hadn’t said anything, Clarke knew that she’d made the right decision to try and help. She hoped Monty was proud of her attempt as she loaded the tools into the wagon and rode Sniffer to the smithy. When she got there, she saw Dawson talking with Shaw while Raven looked around the shop.

When Dawson saw her, he smiled, “Welcome back Clarke. Did they break already?”

She shook her head and wrote: _I’m returning them._

He raised an eyebrow, since she’d only had the tools for a day. “Done so soon?”

She shook her head again. _They didn’t want my help._

The blacksmith frowned as Raven and Shaw watched their exchange. “That’s a shame. I don’t know why someone wouldn’t want help building a house of all things.”

Raven took that moment to interject, “Whose house were you building?”

She scribbled a note: _Murphy and Emori’s._

“Why?”

_I want to apologize, and to help._

Shaw, whom had definitely suffered the worst at Clarke’s hand before they’d left Earth, finally spoke. “That’s really nice of you Clarke.”

She met his eyes for a moment to give a small nod, and Raven wheeled around on him.

“Don’t tell me you’re buying her ‘good little princess’ act,” The brunette snapped at him. “She doesn’t mean it. She just wants us to forgive her so she doesn’t feel guilty anymore!”

Clarke tried and failed to hold back her tears, and made no noise as they rolled down her face.

She covered her mouth with a hand and swallowed a sob as Dawson moved to comfort her.

Shaw narrowed his eyes, “How could you possibly know that? Look at her!”

Raven turned to see Clarke crying, and the blonde turned away in a futile attempt to hide it.

“Does that look like someone who doesn’t mean her apologies?” Shaw continued. “Did you ever consider what we did to her? We tried to take her child, and even though she gave us up, she came back to save us.”

Dawson was ushering Clarke outside as Raven glared at Shaw.

“You’re supposed to be on my side!” She shouted. “How the hell have you forgiven her?”

Shaw shifted the weight between his feet as he tried to find the words to explain, “When I watched that video of your friend Monty with you guys, I felt like I was intruding on a special bond you all had, but Clarke is part of that. And when Monty said to do better, I saw that as not bringing old problems to a new planet.”

Raven was beyond pissed, “Get to the point.”

“I’m not saying what Clarke did was right, but she only did it because she thought it was the only way to protect her child. I get that you had a shitty childhood, and don’t know what it’s like to have a caring mom. But right now, you’re the asshole.”

Shock spread over the engineer’s features before she stormed out of the smithy, without waiting for Shaw, and without grabbing the toolbox she needed to finish building the new rover.

Shaw watched her go and sighed before going out back to check on Clarke and Dawson. The latter wasn’t privy to the events surrounding the former, and Shaw felt bad that Raven had forced him to get involved. Dawson was as nice as guys came, and his kind nature had dragged him into this mess.

When he came outside, Clarke had her face in her hands, tears escaping from between her fingers like the leaky faucet in his kitchen back home. Dawson had an arm around her, but wasn’t saying anything. He exchanged a glance with Shaw and looked around for Raven.  
Shaw knelt in front of Clarke and took her hands in his for a moment as he searched for something to cheer her up.

“I’m sorry...I’m so sorry,” She croaked, her voice scratchy from months of disuse.

Dawson and Shaw exchanged a look. Clarke hadn’t spoken to anyone since a week before they landed, and no one knew why. The guttural sound that came from her throat, seemed to reinforce how raw and painful this whole situation was for everyone involved.

“I forgive you Clarke,” Shaw told her as he squeezed her hands. “I don’t know you very well, but I was raised in a church, and we believe that everyone is deserving of forgiveness, as long as they atone for their sins.”

Clarke met his eyes and Shaw continued.

“You’ve been atoning all this time. You live alone, without your daughter or friends. You shouldn’t have to suffer like this forever. You don’t need to atone for what you did to me anymore.”

She nodded and squeezed his hands back before releasing them, and accepting the rag Dawson handed her to wipe her eyes.

“Thank you...both of you,” She told them. “I don’t deserve your kindness.”

“What I don’t understand is, how they’re able to forgive us, the people they were recently at war with, and not forgive the person that won them the war,” Dawson said.

Clarke shook her head, “I’ve done a lot of terrible things since I got to the ground. Too many to even recount. They’ve never held back before.”

“You’re not the only one. But when do you step up and defend yourself?” Dawson continued.

She let out a breath, “That’ll only make it worse. I can’t let it get worse.”

End Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter! Because this one was so short, the next few will be longer! Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay! I took a break for Thanksgiving and will do the same closer to finals and Christmas, and I spent all day yesterday editing. But it's finally here! Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, and left kudos so far!

Harper meandered through the garden on steady feet. Gobbling up hybrid beetle-worms, and literal horse flies while her mother ran around weeding and harvesting in the early hours of the morning. The small bird-reptile saw a pair of gray boots through the fence that didn’t belong to her mother, and began squawking at the visitor loudly and obnoxiously so they would go away.

Clarke had ducked into the house for a moment to put a basket of apples away, and came outside to see Harper relentlessly quacking at Raven. 

“You have a great alarm system,” Raven called to her with a small smile. 

The tightening in her chest and dropping of her stomach immediately sent Clarke reeling. She really didn’t want to talk to Raven again so soon, especially when she hadn’t slept well. And yet she found herself walking across the garden to pick up Harper, and deposit her in a reed patch as timeout. 

“That’s better.” Raven fiddled with her hands. “Can we talk? About...everything?”

Clarke just stared at her, and found herself crossing her arms. Dawson was right. At what point would she decide to stand up for herself?

“I’m…” Raven let out a breath and Clarke could see her swallow her pride. “I’m sorry for screaming at you yesterday. Emori told us about finding you in their house, and you were just trying to help.”

The blonde just held her gaze. Apparently a peanut gallery was needed to validate anything she said, and she tried not to get angry. She opened the gate, and silently instructed Raven to sit on one of the giant roots that framed the back of the garden, as Clarke ducked inside. A few minutes later she returned with a teapot and two mugs, as well as some paper. She placed the tray on the ground between them and sat on an adjacent root, waiting for Raven to begin.

Except Raven was wondering about something else in that moment. 

“Why do you not just talk? Why do you write everything down?”

Clarke held her eyes for another moment before dropping them to the paper.

_Writing out my responses gives me time to think things over. It helps with not just blurting out what I think or feel in the moment._

Raven inwardly winced for a moment before she met Clarke’s eyes. “Can I try?”

Mild surprise colored the other woman’s features, and after a moment, she passed her a piece of paper and charcoal.

_Why did you hurt us? Why do you always hurt us?_ Raven began as Clarke filled a mug of tea.

She took a sip before replying. _Why do you guys always hurt me? All of the things I’ve done, have always been to save people, and you’ve always thrown it in my face._

The brunette took a moment to remember. Murphy, Bellamy, Monty, and herself had all thrown things in Clarke’s face when she was trying to help. They did it without even considering her feelings, and she never threw it back.

_When you guys left and didn't come back._ Clarke continued. _I didn’t have anyone but Madi. And when Bellamy told me that we’d get out together, I believed him. And then turned around and put the flame in Madi while he left me chained in a cell, claiming that his family was more important than mine._

Raven finched. Bellamy had said that he helped make Madi the Commander to save them, but she didn’t know that he’d provoked Clarke by doing so. 

_I didn’t know that. He never said anything._

_Because he doesn’t think he made a wrong decision, and he didn’t. I’m not angry about Madi being Commander anymore. But he didn’t have to leave me there. He didn’t have to completely disregard my feelings. I made new plans when he wouldn’t let me kill Octavia, but I guess he just doesn’t care anymore._

The engineer leaned against the root and took a long time to think over what she wanted to say next. She wasn’t sure if she completely believed Clarke, but what she had been saying made sense. Clarke had never made a vengeful or violent decision unless otherwise provoked. It was how Mount Weather happened. Lexa’s abandonment and Cage’s ruthless dissection of their people despite the willingness to donate, caused Clarke to react in a catastrophic way. 

And in that moment Raven realized that something didn’t add up. She’d lost everything when they left, and while they thought she was dead, she was alive, alone, and horribly traumatized. No one had wanted her around when she came back into the lives. Hell, they had cast her aside and took everything from her, and still didn’t care and she still hadn’t reacted violently at all against them. She’d taken their hatred time after time. Why hadn’t she lashed out yet?

She wasn’t sure how to ask the question, or what she would even expect to get for an answer.

_I want to ask you something. But I’m not sure how to ask it._

Clarke just took a sip of her tea and waited patiently. Raven was surprised at her reaction and took a moment to pour herself some tea as it came to her.

_What do you do after we lash out at you?_

The blonde read the message and let out a breath before beginning to write.

_I internalize it. If I alone bear all the pain that comes from everything my people have been through, then I am the only true casualty. And everyone else can live happier lives._

Raven eyes went wide as the realization dawned on her.

_Did you try to kill yourself?_

The engineer could watch the other woman tense up as she appeared to brace herself.

_Which time? There were three._

She could tell that she was having a hard time keeping herself composed, but Raven needed to know.

_All of them._

Clarke took a shuddering breath as she began to write. 

_The first was a month after praimfaya, I hadn’t found the valley yet. I passed out from dehydration before I pulled the trigger._

The guilt shot through Raven faster than any pain ever had. 

_The second was about three months into my sixth year. Madi found me before I could do anything._

Clarke had to suffer because Raven couldn’t get them home on time.

_The third was aboard the mothership about a week before we came down here, and that was the closest I came._

She’d failed her.

Raven watched as Clarke trembled and tried to hold back her emotions. She crossed the space between them, and pulled the other woman into a hug.

“I’m so sorry Clarke,” Raven told her as she rubbed her back. “I was so busy being mad at you that I didn’t consider how you felt all this time.”

Clarke was openly sobbing. It was the first sound Raven heard her make since they landed. She just held her as she cried, and felt tears come to her eyes as well.

“I’m...sorry,” Clarke rasped between sobs and Raven’s eyes went wide. “I never wanted...to hurt...you.”

“I-It’s okay Clarke. I’m sorry for not asking or caring. Especially when you had to suffer for longer because of my incompetence.”

The functional mute shook her head and it was Raven’s turn to burst into tears. 

“I forgive you Clarke...But let me take on some of the blame.”

She met her friend’s eyes and nodded. 

“I forgive you too...Raven.”

The blonde embraced the brunette as it became the latter’s turn to cry. Clarke held Raven through it all, and eventually they sat side-by-side with red puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and soft smiles.

Clarke had written something on a folded note and passed it to Raven.

_Forgiveness isn’t about who deserves it and who doesn’t. It’s about giving yourself and others what they need to heal._

The engineer smiled as the homesteader stood to pick up the spilled tea.

“I’m glad we talked,” Clarke cleared her throat. “It really helped.”

“Me too,” Raven answered as she glanced toward the village. “You should probably talk to Bellamy.”

She immediately shook her head as she set down the tray on the steps. “That’s the last thing I want to do.”

“Is it because you love him?” Raven asked as she wiped her face.

She pulled the sleeve of her shirt away to see Clarke staring at her with wide eyes.

“Six years may have passed, but I can still read you like a book,” Raven explained. “Do you love Bellamy?”

Clarke sat down again, “Yeah, I do. But it doesn’t matter...He doesn’t care.”

“I think he does,” Raven replied. “He cares about you more than anyone else.”

Clarke didn’t look convinced as she took a moment to think over her words. “Not anymore. He cares about anyone else more than he cares about me. He’s only reaching out because he feels guilt, not regret.”

Raven held her ground, “He was a mess on the ring without you. It was at times, unbearable to live with.”

“And that all went away when he decided that I wasn’t part of his family.”

Clarke had a point, and Raven knew it. But she also knew that Bellamy had feelings for Clarke. There were too many nights up on the ring, where they’d be drunk on moonshine and he’d profess all of his regrets -most of them about her.

“I still think you two should talk. Even if it’s not as productive as ours was,” Raven prodded. She liked the idea that she got Clarke to talk to her, but she wouldn’t be able to heal if she couldn’t to talk to everyone.

She just sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, not responding.

“I’ll kick his ass after,” Raven continued with a smile. 

Clarke broke into a small smile and was about to say something else when Harper started squawking again. Two sets of eyes flicked across the garden to meet a third, as Bellamy stood outside the garden fence, watching them with a surprised expression.

“Spoken words would go a long way with him,” Raven finished as she stood. “He’s been really worried about you.”

But the blonde didn’t seem to hear her. “Don’t blame yourself for leaving me behind, Raven. You did what you had to do. I don’t blame you, so don’t blame yourself.”

Raven studied her for a moment before leaning down to give her a reassuring hug. The conversation she was about to have with Bellamy was going to be bad, but Raven had no right to be there. It was something they had to work out for themselves.

“I won’t. I’ll stop by again soon.”

The engineer walked toward the gate, and perfectly ignored Bellamy’s presence as she picked up and deposited Harper in the reed patch. The animal quieted, and Raven headed for the village.

***

Clarke watched Bellamy from where she sat on a tree root, and made no effort to move. He realized this, and came through the gate, closing it firmly behind him before approaching her.

“Your garden is beautiful,” He said awkwardly. “I don’t think I’ve been out to your house before.”

She just watched him shift his weight back and forth on his feet, as he tried to read the papers that were scattered on the ground like leaves. She realized this and quickly moved to pick them up. He moved to help her, but she just quickly snatched the scribbles he’d collected and hurried them inside the house. It was probably the first time Clarke cursed herself for having such legible handwriting.

Bellamy cleared his throat as Clarke returned. “I heard about the fight you and Raven had. I wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

Clarke saw Raven’s point about him being worried, but couldn’t really place why as she wrote on a new piece of paper.

_We’re okay. We talked it out._

Bellamy rubbed his beard as he scoffed, “That’s good. Why aren’t you talking to me?”

She paused for a moment to think, and in that moment Bellamy tore the paper from her hands, and threw the entire book across the garden. 

“So you can talk to Raven,” He almost sneered at her. “Someone who’s been tearing you down ever since the war. But you can’t talk to me? I’ve been defending you! Checking on you! And you still can’t just talk to me?”

She was stunned as the tears began to prick at her eyes again. Her gaze dropped to her lap as she let them fall. He didn’t know why she couldn’t. He couldn’t know about her attempt. He couldn’t know. He shouldn’t have to worry about her. Excuse. Excuse. Excuse. Telling herself that was the only way she could keep herself calm.

Bellamy saw her breaking down and pulled her into his arms. 

“I’m sorry for yelling,” He said, still hung up on it. “I’m just frustrated that you don’t think you can talk to me. You can, Clarke.”

She gently pulled away from him and shook her head. There were too many reasons why she couldn’t. The anger in her was building, and she bit her tongue to keep from snapping at him.

“Why not?” He was breathless and defeated, but held her tightly when she tried to move away. “Tell me Clarke!”

In that moment, she broke, and all the anger came out.

“I don’t trust you!”

Despite the hoarseness of her voice, she’d still managed to shout it at him, and wrenched away from his grasp when it loosened. But Bellamy was too caught up in the moment to care. He smiled for a moment at the fact that he got her to talk to him, but then he processed her words, and the frustration returned.

“How can you not trust me?” He demanded. 

“Because I did trust you! And you stuck a knife in my back and left me there!” She was screaming now, the tears freely flowing down her face. But they weren’t from sadness or grief, they were almost red with anger and betrayal.

“You told me we’d get out together,” She sneered at him. “Then you left me in a cell, while you took my daughter from me! You left me Bellamy!”

She sunk to the ground as her angry shouting gave way to broken sobbing, and Bellamy just looked away.

“You took everything...from me,” She sobbed, concealing her face with her hands. “And you don’t even care…”

He just stared at her, unable to act, unable to speak as he tried to wrap his head around her words. He thought that if he could just save Clarke and get her away from Octavia, then they could work it out later. That’s what they always did, and it always worked. 

Putting a twelve-year old at the helm of a gladiator cult wasn’t at all what he wanted to do, but it was what he had to do. It was the only option he had. He wanted to scream. Why couldn’t she of all people understand that?!

“I regret leaving you there,” She told him as she steadied her voice, but didn’t meet his eyes. “But you don’t regret what you did to me and Madi. As long as your family lives, no one else matters. That’s what using your head and heart tells you.”

Bellamy reached out to grab her before she could run inside. “Clarke, you are my family. Madi too.”

Her hand connected with his cheek and she wrenched her arm away before starting toward her house.

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

***

Raven leaned out from behind her tree as she heard Bellamy approach. She’d heard the whole argument between him and Clarke, and part of her was glad that Clarke was finally standing up for herself. She’d endured their abuse for far too long. Maybe Bellamy would think carefully about his actions from now on. But just in case…

She shortened her stride to let Bellamy catch up to her. “That sounded productive.”

He avoided her eyes, but scoffed. “Yeah, real productive.”

“Are you kidding? She wouldn’t speak to you before, and now she can yell at you,” She continued cheekily. “That’s progress.”

He let out a long breath, “I just thought out of everyone, she’d understand why I did it. But she thinks I don’t care.”

“No,” Raven began to correct him. “She understands why you did it, but she thinks you don’t care because you don’t regret hurting her. She didn’t care about her life if it meant Madi would live. But now she has to live without her daugher, and you. Madi has a people to lead, and she can’t trust you. And that’s your fault.”

Bellamy stopped and looked back down the trail, he could barely see the house now. “I should go back.”

Raven grabbed his arm before he could, “No you shouldn’t. She needs time to calm down, and you need time to figure out how the hell you’re gonna fix it. And I’m gonna help you.”

“Why?” He asked, like it was the most absurd notion in the world.

“Because most of this mess is my fault, for not getting us home on time,” Raven told him. “And I need to make up for it too.”

End Chapter 3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to figure out how to use Ao3 a bit better, so I'll be trying to write more author's notes in here. 
> 
> First of all I want to thank everyone who has read the story and left kudos and/or a review! Chapters 1 & 2 were a big hit with you all, but Chapter 3 didn't recieve the kind of attention that the others did. I'm not sure if it's because no one saw the update, or that you all just didn't like it, but I am moving forward anyway.
> 
> Here is Chapter 4 and this will be the last chapter I post until after New Years in the US. I'm behind on my writing and editing, and I'm changing a big part of the second half of the story, so I need the time to catch up and hash out the new details. Because of that, this chapter is about 15 pages long, and is so far the longest I've written for this story, so I hope it will hold you over!

Since adventuring was put on hold because no one wanted to do it, and she wasn’t allowed to go out alone, Clarke went back to work in the infirmary. Helping Kane get back on his feet was one of her top priorities when her mother wasn’t around, and she was just helping him to the bathroom when Shaw and Dawson came in, supporting a weak, and heavily bleeding Dioyza.

“Go,” Kane told her as he held onto the wall.

Clarke immediately turned and began barking orders at the two men.

“Get her up on the bed!” Clarke called to them. “Someone find me Jackson or Abby!”

Miller whom was on guard duty in the infirmary all morning, bolted out of the room as Clarke began looking for supplies. She brought over a bunch of towels and surveyed Dioyza’s opening. 

“Did your water break?” Clarke asked.

Dioyza let out a grunt as she nodded.

“It broke and then she just started bleeding everywhere,” Shaw told her as he tried to hold Dioyza steady.

“You’re almost fully dilated Dioyza,” Clarke told her. “Push just a little for me. We need to get this baby out now.”

Jackson came rushing in and asked for the status as Clarke began gently pressing on Dioyza’s abdomen. 

“Okay Dioyza, start pushing!” Jackson told her, and then turned toward Clarke. “Either the wall of the uterus or the placenta itself is ruptured.”

“What does that mean?” Dawson asked.

“It means that unless she pushes this baby out it’s gonna drown in her blood,” Clarke summarized. “Push Dioyza!”

Dioyza screamed as Bellamy and Raven came into the infirmary. No one paid them any mind as Clarke tried to guide the baby Hope out of Dioyza as quickly and as gently as possible.

“We need A-positive blood!” Jackson called as he typed Dioyza, and an apprentice quickly ducked into the stockroom. 

“I’ve got the head!” Clarke said as she saw the umbilical cord wrapped around the baby’s neck. “C’mon Dioyza! The sooner this baby is out the sooner it stops hurting!”

Dioyza gave one final scream and definitely broke Shaw and Dawson’s hands as the baby popped the rest of the way out. Jackson cut the umbilical cord and Clarke pulled the baby away.

“Make a hole!” Clarke shouted as the onlookers jumped back. 

She could hear Jackson shouting to others as Clarke got the baby onto a separate table. She was silent, and upon further inspection, not breathing. She immediately unwrapped the cord and began CPR.

“C’mon baby, don’t die before you can see the world,” Clarke muttered as she gently breathed into her mouth, and even more gently pushed on her chest. 

She tried to cough and Clarke held the baby on her side and she coughed again, almost a cup of blood coming out onto the table. After a few minutes of coughing and CPR, the baby began crying loudly, lungs sounding completely clear of fluid. An apprentice brought over a bowl of water and Clarke took a minute to breathe before gently washing the baby with a cloth.

“You saved her.”

Clarke turned to see Bellamy and Raven standing nearby. She ignored them and quickly finished washing the baby before swaddling her. She delivered the baby to Dioyza just as she yawned.

“You saved her Clarke,” Dioyza said as she smiled “Thank you.”

Dioyza’s head rolled back as her exhaustion took over. Clarke grabbed the woman’s shoulders and shook her.

“Listen to me Colonel,” She said in her most authoritative tone. “You are not done until this baby stops crying. You have a job to do. Stay awake.”

Dioyza smirked and seemed to pull herself together as Jackson got the blood transfusion and IV fluids going. Clarke let out a long breath and cast a weak smile at Jackson who smiled back. Kane had hobbled his way over, and was being supported by Bellamy as Raven pulled over a stool.

“Do you have a name?” Bellamy asked as he helped Kane sit down.

“Hope,” Dioyza said quickly before he could suggest something. “Her name is Hope.”

Raven snorted, “It’s better than Bellamy’s names.”

“Hey Doc, any chance I can get my hand looked at?” The Dawson asked as he and Shaw held up their hands.

“Come over here,” Clarke said. “Everyone else should give the mother and child some space.”

Clarke quickly set and wrapped Shaw’s hand before turning to Dawson.

He smiled, “It’s nice to see you again, Clarke. I didn’t know you were a doctor too. You can really do it all.”

His tone was genuine and a little flirty as Clarke pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, “It’s not broken, just bruised. Ice on and off every twenty minutes and you’ll be fine and...I’m not a doctor.”

Dawson snorted, “Better than most doctors I’ve seen. My mom had seven kids and I never saw a doctor immediately start on CPR to save the baby.”

Clarke stared at him in surprise. She’d never get used to his praise. “What the hell else would they do?”

He shrugged, “They always tried to use fancy equipment to figure out what was wrong, rather than just jumping in and helping.”

“Sometimes just jumping in isn’t the best plan,” Clarke told him, feeling her experience weighing heavily on her shoulders.

Dawson eyes seemed to sparkle and the weight lifted some, “I disagree. You saved that baby girl’s life today, Clarke. I’d say that’s good enough evidence.”

She couldn’t help but break into a small smile as she finished with his hand, and went to go help Jackson with the baby and Dioyza. Bellamy had watched the whole exchange and felt an emotion that he couldn’t place. He was just talking to her. Admiring her ability to save a baby like any rational person would do. 

But Raven had his number. She could see the jealousy rolling off him in waves. Clarke had taken to talking to Dawson faster than any of them, and she could feel how not okay Bellamy was with it. Especially when Clarke was still angry with him.

Once Clarke was no longer needed, she slipped out the backdoor of the infirmary tree and sat on the steps, trying to stop herself from shaking. 

“Rough day?” A familiar voice asked.

Her head snapped upward to meet Octavia’s eyes. She stood a fair distance away, leaning against the side of the tree. Clarke didn’t respond right away, which prompted Octavia to ask again.

“I heard screaming,” She said bluntly. “Did Dioyza have the baby?”

“Y-Yeah,” Clarke stammered as she covered her eyes with her hands and tried to focus on her breathing; the birth being the first emergency they'd had since landing.

Octavia raised an eyebrow, “Are you okay?”

Clarke chuckled, but didn’t look at her, “Better question: Are you?”

It was Octavia’s turn to chuckle, “I’m better than I was. I go visit Jordan a lot.”

“I’m glad.”

“Me too. I thought he’d be scared of me.”

“I’m not scared of you.”

Clarke uncovered her eyes to see Octavia staring at her in surprise.

“You’re not?”

Clarke shook her head, “I see myself in you. I probably would’ve done the same things in your situation.”

Octavia’s gaze dropped to the ground, “But you wouldn’t have let the power go to your head.”

“Maybe not this time. But I had in the past...with Lexa.”

The surprise colored her features again and Clarke offered her a smile.

“If there’s anything you need, Octavia, you know where to find me.”

And for the first time in a long time, Octavia smiled. 

“Thanks Clarke.”

“No. Thank you for keeping them alive.”

****

Clarke sighed as she rolled out of bed to answer someone pounding on her door. Harper was right by her side, quacking in annoyance at being woken so early in the morning. She opened the door to see Dioyza and Dawson, the former holding little baby Hope, and the latter carrying a bag.

“Hey Clarke,” Dioyza greeted her. “Mind if we come in?”

Clarke scooped up Harper and stepped aside to allow them in, before Dawson closed the door firmly behind him.

“Wow,” He began. “It’s so warm in here.”

“It’s designed that way,” Clarke told him. “The sun from the south-facing windows is absorbed by the floor and the floor keeps everything warm.”

Dawson just stared at her in awe as Dioyza cleared her throat, “The reason why we’re here Clarke, is that your mother was concerned about Hope and I getting the flu from staying in the infirmary. Three people have already come down with it in the past day.”

“You want to stay here?” Clarke summarized. 

“If you don’t mind having us,” Dioyza finished.

Clarke glaced at Dawson who put his hands up, “I’m just the baggage boy.”

She looked back to Dioyza and nodded, “Fine. But my guest bed is a mattress on the floor down here with a bunch of pillows and a blanket. I can’t offer much of anything better than that.”

Dioyza broke into a smirk, “We’ve slept in worse than that, right Dawson?”

“Those cabins in the village are the worst Colonel,” He added with a playful smile. “Not even the desert in Kuwait was that bad.”

Clarke was too tired to humor their humor and instead put Harper down. She went to go drag out the spare mattress she’d made from the excess of Sniffer’s fur. Harper did her part in carrying over pillows and even took a moment to sniff the baby. 

“Harper won’t hurt you or Hope,” Clarke told Dioyza, who was glaring at the animal. “She lays eggs and is a pretty calm animal.”

“She seems friendly,” Dawson said as he knelt to gently pet Harper on the head. 

“She’s named after one of the most friendly people I knew,” Clarke told him. “I like to think that Harper’s spirit could be in her.”

Dawson broke into a big smile, “That was beautiful Clarke.”

Clarke just felt the somber mood set in and nodded in acknowledgement.

Dioyza was grinning at Dawson as he realized what he’d said. He quickly dropped the bag before claiming he was needed at the village and left.

“He likes you Clarke,” Dioyza said immediately. “I mean I know you have a kid with Bellamy but-”

“What?” Clarke wheeled around to look at her, and when she didn’t immediately respond added: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Dioyza just blinked, “Madi isn’t yours and Bellamy’s child?”

Clarke’s eyes widened to saucers, “No. Madi isn’t related to me or Bellamy. Or anyone here for that matter. I just adopted her.”

A plan formed in Dioyza’s mind and she smiled as she cuddled Hope, “I’m not sure I believe you. She looks so much like you and Bellamy. And when he rode in with a coffee mug to save you...damn. I really thought you two were a thing.”

Clarke sighed as the confession came easily to her, “I wish. But he’ll never look at me like that when he has someone else.”

Dioyza saw the pain on her features clear as day and relented, “Well if he’s with someone else. Why not give Dawson a shot?”

“I don’t think anyone could love me if they knew what I’ve done.”

“Dawson was my right hand man on those government raids. Before that he was the best soldier in my unit. He’s done just as bad if not worse. But he’s still a kid. He has time to turn over a new leaf. Just like you.”

Clarke held Dioyza’s gaze for a long time -the look on her face said that she was not going to let it go- then looked away. Dioyza was one of the few people that knew about her attempt, and an even smaller few that Clarke felt comfortable talking to. The Colonel didn’t judge her, or treat her like she was broken. She just treated her like a girl, and that’s all Clarke wanted.

“How would I even know if he’s interested?”

Dioyza chuckled, “Ask him.”

Clarke just rolled her eyes as a blush dusted her cheeks, and Dioyza laughed. 

“Are you shy?” Dioyza asked as she belted out a laugh. “How is the woman that murdered my baby’s father shy?”

Clarke firmly met Dioyza’s eyes, “You don’t have to be confident to be a murderer.”

Dioyza’s smile thinned, “Touche.”

****

Being nocturnal wasn’t a new experience for Clarke. She’d done it hundreds of times on the Ark during her apprenticeship, and even more so during their first few weeks on the ground. Except now, she wasn’t completely nocturnal because she just didn’t sleep. Between working long hours at the infirmary during the day, and caring for baby Hope at night because Dioyza was too heavy of a sleeper to hear her cry, Clarke was running on fumes. It had only been a week with the mother and newborn in her home, but despite the inconvenience they added to her life, she was still fiercely protective of both. They both needed Clarke in a way that she hadn’t been needed before, and she was thankful for that. She already loved Dioyza like a second mother or a really cool aunt, and no one could hate a baby. So in turn, she would protect them if it ever came to it.

The baby’s familiar cry woke Clarke just as she was about to close her eyes, and she rolled out of bed. It was early in the morning, so early in fact that it still wasn’t light outside, and didn’t see any point in trying to get her or the baby to go back to sleep when she would just sleep during the day anyway. She dressed and strapped her sidearm to her belt before going downstairs. She changed the cloth diaper, and emptied the contents into the compost before tossing the rag onto Dioyza’s laundry pile. 

“Are you making a mess just for me?” Clarke said in a normal speaking voice. She liked to think that Hope didn’t like people cooing at her all the time.

The baby giggled and Clarke rolled her eyes, “The things I put up with for you.”

She grabbed a bottle from the fridge Raven had made for them, and carried the baby out onto the porch. She sat down and freed Hope from her tightly-swaddled prison before giving her the bottle. They rocked on the chair together as Hope ate, and Clarke watched what remained of the stars. 

Clarke wasn’t sure when she drifted off, but she woke to the sound of someone coming down the pathway. She sat up aimed her sidearm at the person as they started up the front steps, still cradling the child with her other hand. The first light of the suns was only just starting to bleed into the air, so she couldn’t make out who it was. The person stopped dead with their hands up in resignation as Clarke inspected their person.

“Easy there Auntie Bear. It’s just me,” Dawson’s said cheekily as he stepped back. “Shooting me would wake the baby.”

Clarke holstered the weapon, “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see if you needed help. I helped my mom with my sisters when they were little,” He explained as he pulled over a chair.

“So you thought dropping by before sunrise without asking was a good idea?”

“Dioyza sleeps like a rock, and I figured that you might want a break.”

She was too tired to question him further, and carefully passed him the baby, “That crib you built has made it so much easier to get her to sleep.”

He shot her a smile, “Really? Good.”

The conversation between them died for a moment.

“You’re not good at this, are you?” He asked.

“What?”

“People. You don’t seem comfortable opening up to people.”

Clarke looked out at the snow. “It’s been a while since I’ve been around other people. I guess I’m still adjusting.”

He gave her a confused look and she took a moment to find the courage to continue.

“The nuclear reactors that were left after the bombs melted down six years before you guys arrived. A select few people took refuge in a sealed bunker, and I was going to go to space with my friends, but a lot went wrong and they had to leave without me. I was okay with dying, but I didn’t,” She told him.

Dawson just stared at her, “So you were-”

“Alone,” Clarke cut him off as she pushed back the flood of painful memories. “So I’m sorry that my interpersonal skills aren’t better.”

It’d come out harsher than she’d intended, but Dawson just reached out to take her hand.

“I’m sorry,” He said, gently squeezing her hand before pulling away.

Dioyza’s suggestion echoed in the back of her mind, and she grabbed his hand before he got too far. “You’re not wrong though. I’ve always been bad at it. The separation just made it worse.”

He chuckled and turned her hand in his, “I take it back, you can share just fine.. But maybe I can help you improve on it.”

“How?” Clarke blurted without thinking, and immediately cringed at the stupidity of her own question.

Dawson noticed this and grinned at her, “You could start by telling me your favorite color.”

She blushed and broke into a small smile as she began talking about her art, and her room and cell on the Ark, and how her dad told her that an artist wasn’t supposed to have a favorite color. Dawson told her all about the years of work he put into restoring his old pick-up, after explaining to her what a pick-up truck was. They talked for hours, so long that baby Hope was fast asleep and showed no signs of waking up anytime soon. They shared almost everything about their lives before the new planet. Clarke left out the dark and gory bits of her past, and with the occasional haunted look Dawson wore, she assumed he was doing the same.

Dawson was laughing at an old joke, while Clarke just looked confused when Dioyza appeared on the porch not long after sunrise.

“Have you two been out here all night?” She asked as she tried to hide a smirk. 

Dawson didn’t miss a beat as he turned to her, “Good timing Colonel. How do I explain memes?”

Dioyza just chuckled as she collected her sleeping child and paused in the doorway, “Come inside and talk. I’ll make breakfast today.”

Dawson stood, and quickly moved to steady Clarke when she wobbled. 

“Are you okay?” He asked with eyes full of concern.

“No,” Clarke answered. The honesty felt easy in his presence. “I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Here, let’s get you into bed,” He offered.

She shot him a look and he snickered, “Just you, Clarke. You need to take better care of yourself.”

A defeated groan escaped her before Dawson effortlessly scooped her up into his arms, and carried her up to her bed. Once her weapon was safely stored and she was ensconced in blankets, did she meet his eyes with some confidence.

“Thank you Dawson,” She told him, catching him by surprise.

“You’re welcome, Clarke...and call me Kent.” He told her with a charismatic smile. “How about next time we talk over dinner?”

Clarke stared at him for a long time and Dawson nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

“Too soon?”

She snapped out of her trance, “No, no. I’d love to. I’ve just...never been asked on a date...ever.”

He smiled, “Then I’ll make it the best first date ever. How about I pick you up here, tonight, a few hours before sundown?”

Clarke felt herself smiling, “I’ll see you then. Should I bring anything?”

“Just your beautiful self, doll,” He told her before heading for the door. “Sleep well Clarke.”

After he left, Dioyza gave her a quick thumbs up, “I’m glad he finally realized that Netflix and chill isn’t classy anymore.”

Clarke just raised an eyebrow as the older woman chuckled and tucked Hope in her crib and started on breakfast.

****

“Stop it Clarke,” Dioyza told her. “You are definitely the most beautiful woman Dawson has ever dated.”

Clarke stopped fiddling with her hair and allowed Raven to fix it again.

“Just be yourself,” Raven told her. “I, for one, am glad that you’re moving on from Bellamy. All he does is complain and brood nowadays.”

The room went eerily silent as Dioyza sighed, “I thought we agreed not to bring that up.”

“I think we should anyway,” Raven said as she turned Clarke to face her. “I know that you love Bellamy. We all know...except Bellamy...and Echo. And he still wants to be with her. So that means you have every right to go looking for someone else. Hell, you could bang every guy in the village if you wanted.”

“We know it hurts Clarke,” Dioyza added a bit more gently as she bounced Hope on her hip. “But Dawson will do right by you. He may have done some horrible things, but at this point, we all have. Give him a fair shot.”

Clarke thought it over, and put on a brave face as she nodded at them, “Okay.”

Knocking on the front door pulled the group from their moment and Clarke answered the door.

“Hey Clarke,” Dawson greeted her. “You look great.”

Clarke was wearing a patchwork dress, made of a few purple, red, and black patterned fabrics she’s sewn together. Raven had braided her hair -which was getting long again- into a little circlet around her head, the rest tucked neatly into a bun.

“You do too,” Clarke said meekly as her shyness immediately returned. Her cheeks were already red.

He didn’t look any different than he did the day before, but he was carrying a pack. He was grinning and his eyes were sparkling with excitement, as he held out his hand for her to take. She placed her hand in his and Dawson waved to Raven and Dioyza as they walked out into the forest.

Once away from both the village and her land, Clarke just watched the trail as they walked, and Dawson was watching her.

“It’s okay, Clarke,” He encouraged her. “I’m glad that I’m your first.”

Clarke nodded, feeling embarrassment flush through her, “Yeah…Dating wasn’t something I ever had time for.”

“But you do now,” He pointed out as he gave her hand a squeeze. “So let’s try and enjoy tonight, okay?”

Clarke finally met his eyes, “Okay.”

****

Raven gently smacked Shaw to keep him quiet as they and Madi followed Clarke and Dawson through the forest. The second that Dioyza told them that someone had asked Clarke on a date, they were already formulating a list of all the information they had on the 28 year-old, former US Army First Lieutenant. Most of their knowledge came from Shaw, whom had shown up with his Elligus file of his own inclination.  
They cared about Clarke too much to watch her get hurt by someone they didn’t even know. And if it turned out that Dawson was good for her, then they wanted to give Clarke their support. She’d even roped Murphy and Emori in on the action because there was nothing else to do. They still had their grudges against Clarke, but since Raven and Shaw had forgiven her, they had softened quite a bit as well.

They found out that he was part of Dioyza’s unit in the US Army, and deserted with her to start their terrorist spree. He was extremely reliable and loyal, and aided other soldiers in getting help for post-traumatic stress disorder. He wasn’t legally tied to any of the terrorist attacks that he and Dioyza carried out, but he went to prison for murdering a faction of the Italian mob operating in the US, for raping two of his six sisters.

The evidence was stacked in Dawson’s favor when they brought it to Madi, and she was the one who suggested the stakeout. She was also the one who made the decision to exclude Bellamy from their mission.

“He’s gonna lose it when he finds out,” Murphy had commented through his snickering.

They held back behind a grouping of rocks as the couple stopped at a small clearing. 

The sun was pouring in from a hole in the forest canopy, and light did just enough to illuminate Clarke’s hair and give her an ethereal glow. Dawson put down the pack and pulled out a blanket before setting it on the ground, and helped a smiling Clarke sit down. He produced a small dinner of salted meat, bread, and some greens for the two of them and lit a few candles around them. He poured them wine and Clarke seemed incredibly impressed by the amount of effort Dawson had put in.

“This is amazing,” Clarke told him as he sat down to eat with her. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome,” He told her, shooting a flirty smile her way.

When the food was finished, they put the dishes away, and Clarke leaned into Dawson when he put an arm around her. They just sat there, talking and drinking Jordan’s specially-made wine as they watched the sunset over the trees.

“So...now that everything has been going so smoothly,” Dawson said long after the conversation had died. “I was hoping we could talk about things that aren’t so...smooth…?”

Clarke smirked at his choice of words, “Like the rough stuff? Aren’t you supposed to...not do that on a first date?”

“Yeah,” He said, taking another swig. “But screwing things up is my nature, and I figure if we get it out of the way now we can skip the whole dramatic reveal of our terrible pasts later.”

Clarke snorted with laughter, “You gave a girl wine and expected her to not be dramatic?”

Dawson smiled down at her as she rested her head on his shoulder again, “You go first.”

“No, you go first.”

The group behind the rocks were having a hard time trying to contain their laughter. They always knew drunk Clarke was hilarious and were happy to see that she hadn’t changed.

Dawson was smiling too as Clarke refilled her cup. He told her about his time in the army, about all the missions he went on to kill terrorists, corrupt officials, and other enemy combatants. He told her about the terrorist cell they were part of in the States; getting rid of all forms of legal corruption within the country. He told her about his sisters, how he lost one before he ever got to meet her, and how two of them were chosen to be the whores of the leader of a faction of the Italian mob. He told her about the nightmares and panic attacks, and the constant weight of those things he carried around with him.

“I’ve killed hundreds of people Clarke,” He told her. “I never even saw most of them, and I condemned them to die.”

Clarke set up and stretched her neck, “I think that’s better.”

“What?”

“I’ve killed 965 people,” She told him as she suddenly donned a detached demeanor. “Which is a lot less than I thought. I didn’t see all of them, but I was close by, or facing them as I killed them.”

Dawson just stared at her. 

“I remember most of their faces, but I spent six years learning all of their names.” Clarke said, then met his eyes as she sat up and away from him. “I think that not seeing them makes it easier to handle.”

Clarke told him about everything, the killings, her friends, what was left of her family, her attempts. And Dawson watched her speak until she stopped. As she told the story of the shitshow that was her life, the dull gray she had covered her memories with began to peel off. She once again felt all of the emotion she had pushed away, rolling off of her like rain. Neither moved for a long time, just two people who had bared their souls sitting in the same space, lost in themselves and each other. No one behind the rock realized they were holding their breath until Dawson reached out to Clarke, and pulled her to him again.

“That...sucks…” Was all he could muster.

Clarke hiccupped in what sounded like some strangled form of a laugh as she began to break down. They couldn’t see her face from the angle, but it quickly became apparent that she was both laughing and sobbing at the same time. Dawson eventually joined her and the pair laid out on the grass, laughing and sobbing at their collective misfortune.

The peanut gallery behind the rocks were stunned at Clarke’s admission. How she really felt about them, how she’d tried to kill herself because she couldn’t live with the weight of her sins or without the support of her family. But that concern quickly evaporated as they watched the pair’s crying dissolved into laughter, and they each felt lighter.

“They’re adorable, I think,” Murphy whispered and everyone nodded.

Emori was tearing up, “They have a more fucked up connection than Murphy and I do.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Shaw deadpanned.

“What do you think Madi?” Raven asked the child.

Madi didn’t move her eyes from her surrogate mother, “I think Bellamy’s gonna be pissed.”

End Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading! I know this chapter was jam-packed with action and stuff happening, but there's a lot of things I need to touch on before I move forward. The states of everyone's affairs have been pretty much addressed -I'm leaving out Madi for a reason- and I hope I can surprise you all with my ideas going forward!
> 
> Also side note because my club was skeptical of this--I am very aware that having babies typically takes longer than described here, but this is based off my own experience. I was born within an hour of my mom going into labor, and my sister was born even sooner, so...yeah. It's possible.
> 
> There will be good times, and there will be bad, and I haven't decided if I want a happy ending or not... Let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you for your patience Chapter 5 is here!
> 
> I would like to note that the tags and the rating of this fic has changed and will take a far darker turn after this chapter. If the topics mentioned in the tags make you uncomfortable in any way, shape, or form, then I encourage you to read this chapter and then stop. 
> 
> If the topics listed are not daunting for you then I encourage you to join me on this journey about one of the only, and most disturbing turns that this show could and hasn't taken yet. Seriously, this is a pretty hard left turn, and the craziness starts next chapter.
> 
> You have been warned.

Clarke rolled onto her side as light poured in the window, and she blinked away the blurriness from her eyes. She felt someone shift beside her, and grinned as an arm wound its way around her waist.

“Good morning,” She mumbled, her voice still heavy with sleep.

“Goo, mo…” Dawson grunted into her hair.

She chuckled and rolled over to face him. “I still don’t know how you guys made it home.”

Dawson had moved in with Clarke two months ago, and they’d been dating for three. Dioyza had moved out just before Dawson had moved in. The flu had spread through the village like wildfire, and disappeared just as quickly, so Dioyza saw it fit to take baby Hope and moved back into her house.

Dawson had come stumbling in late the previous evening with Murphy, both horribly drunk, as was becoming a more common occurrence. They, Shaw, and Bellamy thought it was a good idea to help Jordan figure out his alcohol tolerance, and teach him how to be drunk before the festival to celebrate Madi’s thirteenth birthday. In the end, they all got too drunk too fast, and ended up partying in one of the greenhouses for half the night, claiming that they were having their own festival. It still amazed Clarke how Dawson and Murphy were able to make it back because the farms were on the complete other side of the village from the forest they lived in.

“It was still fun,” He grumbled as he pulled her closer. “And you better come with me tonight.”

Six months into their new lives on the alien ground left the village preparing a huge festival for Madi’s thirteenth birthday. Everyone was ready for a party, and part of Clarke wondered why they hadn’t had one until now. Most grounder holidays revolved around the changing of the seasons, which they no longer had, and the Elligus holidays were based around incorrect celebrations of religious and pagan events. So they didn’t really have any good holidays to celebrate. 

Dawson blanched beside her, “What did you guys use for hangovers on the Ark?”

“Nothing,” She answered. “Booze wasn’t very common or accessible on a hundred-year old space station.”

“Damn.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t help you.”

“God bless you, doll.”

“You have to let me get up though.”

“Eh...then I’ll suffer a little longer.”

“The sooner you let me help, the sooner you’ll feel better.”

Dawson grunted in defeat, “You better come back.”

“I will,” Clarke said just as someone knocked on the front door. “Eventually.”

She threw on a dress and ran downstairs to find Emori standing on the other side of the door. 

“Hey Clarke,” The woman greeted her. “Do you have anything for hangovers? Murphy’s bitching is getting really annoying.”

The blonde smiled thinly, “Yeah. C’mon in.”

Clarke turned and made her way into the kitchen, and pulled a swirling glass jar down from atop a shelf. Despite its strange shape, it contained several dried leaves. She started a pot of water on the stove before she emptied the bottle onto the counter, and started dividing her stash into separate cloth bags. She passed one to Emori, whom silently accepted it and left. 

She wasn’t really sure how to act around Emori. The grounder had never really liked her, and even though relations between Clarke and the rest of Spacekru were better than they had been, Emori could hold a grudge better than anyone else. Raven and Shaw had forgiven her, and while Murphy had never explicitly said as much, he did joke and laugh with Clarke again like they used to.

When the water came to a boil, Clarke made up the cup of tea, and brought it up to Dawson on a tray with a pitcher of water. 

“Drink this. All of it.”

Dawson grumbled as he chugged the cup of tea, and almost gagged.

“It’s tea, hun, not beer,” Clarke gently scolded him as she filled the mug with water again. 

She began pulling on her boots as Dawson sipped slowly at the beverage. “I thought you were coming back to bed.”

“I’m going to go drop off tea for the others, then I’ll come back to bed,” She explained. “Drink some more water before I come back.”

“Okay...” He whined. “Come back soon.”

She gently pecked his temple, “I will.”

Six months of peace had done Clarke well. She had some of her friends back, she had a stable home life, and most surprisingly, she had a steady boyfriend. Dawson was an incredible person for Clarke. He loved to compliment her, he helped her around the house, and he almost always brought her presents. People didn’t need help with repairing weapons or tools as often now, and he’d taken up glass-blowing so he could still make her little trinkets using the absurd amount of sand that was down by the river.

They’d been together for three months, and Dawson was quickly replacing Bellamy as Clarke’s partner, her person. She was absolutely smitten with him, and part of that scared her. It seemed too easy to replace someone who was irreplaceable to her at every other point in her life.

She still had feelings for Bellamy, and she knew that she shouldn’t. She shouldn’t be comparing Dawson to Bellamy in almost everything they did together, because it wasn’t fair to him. Part of her felt like she was leading him on, and she couldn’t bring herself to add too much intimacy until she knew how she felt.

And Dawson knew all of this. “Honesty forges trust and love” was something he’d told her early on in their relationship. He wanted to know what she was feeling, not because he thought something was wrong, but because he cared about her. Because of her conflicting feelings, they’d had a long and exhausting written conversation -writing helped them avoid getting emotional- they decided to just go with the flow. 

She had no idea how she’d managed to find someone who cared so deeply for her.  
Even with her insecurities, she was still happier than she probably had ever been, and she made sure he knew it. There was a lot of good in their connection, and it wasn’t common that these intrusive thoughts plagued her mind. 

The village came into view as Clarke rounded a corner. And while she still had her nerve, she headed in the direction of Bellamy and Echo’s house. 

Their relationship was still rocky. He hadn’t apologized, and Clarke didn’t think he would, so they just stopped talking to each other. Their argument had only widened the chasm between them, but neither could bring themselves to talk about it, or even throw it in the other’s face. The fact that she had been dating Dawson had only served to make that worse. 

They were both moving on with other people. They didn’t have to lean on each other anymore. It wasn’t them against the world.

She rapped on the door and wasn’t sure which of the two occupants she wanted to see less. Bellamy was the one who opened the door, and Clarke noticed that there wasn’t anyone else inside. He looked considerably better than she thought he would after the night he had.

“Hey Clarke. What are you doing here?” He asked his voice sluggish from sleep.

Her words caught in her throat for a moment, as she held out the bag. “I thought you might need this. If not now, then for tonight.”

He carefully took the bag from her and inspected the contents, “Hangover remedy?”

Clarke nodded.

“Thanks,” He said. “Are you coming to the festival tonight?”

“Yeah,” She choked out. “Are you and Echo going?”

He carded a hand through his hair. She was glad that he was just as uncomfortable as she was.

“Echo doesn’t like parties, but I’ll be there,” He told her. “I heard rumors that you’re dating someone…one of the prisoners.”

Clarke froze, she was not at all prepared for this conversation. “Y-Yeah. I am.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Bellamy said before he could stop himself. 

Clarke narrowed her eyes, “Yeah, I am. He’s not an asshole like you.”

She turned on her heel and began walking toward the edge of the village, and turned when 

Bellamy called out to her. She glared at him as he jogged toward her, and her anxiety slammed into her stomach as she stopped walking.

“I’m sorry for being an asshole,” He said as he palmed the bag he still held. “I just…I don’t trust them.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “Why don’t you wait until you meet him tonight to make that judgement?”

Bellamy looked down at his feet for a moment, “I’m sorry.”

“Tell that to Dawson,” Clarke snapped before turning away. 

“Clarke,” Bellamy said again and she looked back. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you.”

“Don’t,” She snapped back. “You don’t get to worry about me. When you worry, people get hurt, and I don’t want to be hurt again.”

Bellamy reached out to grab Clarke’s hands and pulled her into an embrace.

“Clarke, I am so, so sorry for leaving you there…” His voice broke as he spoke, and tears welled up in his eyes. “I thought that if anyone-If anyone could understand, that it would be you. I’m sorry for hurting you. I thought I was doing the right thing, and I was wrong.”

He held her tightly, and Clarke could feel him shaking as his tears fell onto her hair and shoulder. She carefully put her arms around him and felt him relax. She hadn’t seen him this distraught in a long time, and gently rubbed his back.

“I forgive you,” She said quietly. “I’m sorry too.”

“Don’t be…I deserved it,” He told her.

“No you didn’t,” She told him. “No one deserves to be hurt.”

Bellamy pulled back slightly but still held Clarke close, “Yeah. You’re right.”

Clarke pulled the rest of the way back and smiled up at him, “I’ve got to get back. I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you tonight,” He replied.

*****

Clarke woke up a few hours before sundown with Dawson still holding her, and the poking at her thigh told her that he was definitely not asleep.

She rolled over, “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” He answered with a small smile.

He pressed his lips to hers, and she couldn’t help but melt into his embrace. He tasted like the mint and lemon tea she’d given him earlier, and also a tiny whiff of alcohol. The kiss was short, but full of the love and affection he always showered her with. She returned it as best she could before they broke apart, but like always, she felt like she was coming up short. 

“Us guys are going pre-gaming again before the party,” He told her, “Do you mind if I meet you there?”

Clarke just stared at him; she was definitely going to chicken out and just give Madi her gift before leaving if he wasn’t there to force her to stay.

Dawson recognized the hesitant look in her eye and said: “I’ll ask Raven to come over and get you,” He said sternly, then softened. “Madi’s your kid Clarke. You can’t miss her birthday.”

She frowned and looked away, “She doesn’t need me there. She’s the Commander, and technically an adult according to her people.”

“Clarke, look at me,” He said and she reluctantly met his eyes. “That little girl still needs her mom.”

But she shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself, “My baby doesn’t need me anymore.”

He just embraced her and held her until the tremors stopped. Madi was still gone, all of her time dedicated to learning how to use the Flame, and learning how to lead from Gaia. According to Indra, she hadn’t made any effort to see Clarke since they last spoke on the mothership.

“You can still come and have fun with me,” He said sternly. “Just because your kid is growing up, doesn’t mean that your life is over.”

His tough love was far gentler than anyone else’s, and she let him hold her until Shaw started banging on their front door.

“Get out here Dawson! It’s time to get plowed!”

He already sounded drunk, and the couple pulled apart so they could dress. Once they were decent, Dawson opened the door to let them inside. Clarke saw him shake Shaw’s hand and say something quietly to Raven. The blonde came down and each man gave his woman a goodbye kiss before racing out the door. 

“Thanks for the tea,” Raven told Clarke as the latter closed the door. “In return I brought makeup and hair stuff.”

“Thanks, but I won’t be there long,” Clarke replied. “I just want to give Madi her present and come home.”

Raven frowned, “C’mon Clarke. It’s been so long since we’ve been able to cut loose. Shaw and I spent too long hooking up that sound system for you to not show up.”

“I’m a sad drunk Raven,” Clarke said. “I’m not fun. And I doubt you set all that up just for me.”

The brunette pulled the blonde into a hug, “You don’t have to get drunk to have fun. Just be a little buzzed and spend time with me, Shaw, and Dawson. We’re fun drunks.”

Clarke chuckled and wiped her eyes as Raven produced a bottle of moonshine.

“Let’s glam girl,” Raven said as she popped open the bottle.

*****

Clarke and Raven were both pleasantly buzzed by the time they were ready to go. Clarke just barely remembered to grab her present for Madi before starting on the path toward the village.

Both girls wore light makeup around their eyes, and opted not to bother with lip stain because of the feast. Clarke had done some intricate braiding for Raven’s hair, but her own had been left alone except for some curling. They both wore patchwork dresses that they’d made for a special event like this and some simple sandals.

About halfway to the village, the pair heard whooping and hollering behind them and turned to see the boys and Emori running toward them. Dawson swung Clarke into his arms and plastered a big wet kiss on her cheek.

“There’s my pretty lady!” He exclaimed then pulled back to look her up and down. “You look beautiful, doll.”

Clarke just blushed and ducked her head, and Dawson spun her to kiss her full on the lips, while everyone else -except Bellamy whom was watching with wide eyes- cheered.

“I mean it,” He said seriously for a moment before he pulled away. 

He slung an arm around her shoulder and they walked as a big group toward the village.

“I get why you like Bellamy so much,” Dawson whispered to Clarke. “He’s a great guy. Almost as good as me.”

A pang of sadness hit Clarke in the chest. She knew that her own comparisons between Bellamy and Dawson were bad, but she didn’t know that he was doing it himself.

Bellamy and Shaw were swinging Raven between them, all laughing happily, and Clarke pushed her intrusive thoughts away by replacing them with the cold reality.

_He doesn’t want you._

_He won’t ever want you._

_You have Dawson. Throw yourself into him._

She could almost feel her heart break all over again, and pushed the feeling away as Dawson hugged her close. They made it to the village, and while her friends went to go find a table, Clarke went over to where Madi’s throne had been moved to for the night. The guards stopped her as Clarke approached, and she noticed that no one else had gotten Madi any presents. 

“Let her pass,” Indra’s voice rang through over the sound of the crowd.

The guards stepped back and Clarke approached Madi.

“Happy birthday Ma-Commander,” Clarke caught herself as she held out the fur roll.

Gaia eyed it and Madi’s eyes lit up, “What is it?”

“I remember how much you loved the animal dolls I made you in the valley. So I made you another one,” Clarke explained as she passed it to Madi.

“It’s a platypus bear!” Madi exclaimed as she unrolled it and then threw her arms around her surrogate mother. “Thanks Clarke!”

“You’re welcome Madi,” She replied as she held her daughter close for a moment.

They pulled away and Clarke nodded to Gaia before heading back down to join her friends.

Dawson put an arm around her as she sat down beside him, “Madi looked awfully happy.”

Clarke just leaned her head on Dawson’s shoulder, “Yeah.”

“Are you okay, doll?”

“Yeah.”

She still had her reservations about Madi being Commander. Despite Clarke wanting a better and easier life for her child, she was proud that Madi was selfless enough to take on such a big responsibility. Dawson passed her a drink and a small bowl of fruit that she began to eat from as everyone else came over with heaping plates of food.

Clarke smiled as she watched her boyfriend drink everyone under the table and felt pride in another of his unusual skills. He plopped down next to her as some loud dance music started playing over the speakers.

“Wait for something sloooooooower,” He slurred. “I don’t think I can samba like this.”

Clarke smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder, “Thank you for making me stay.”

She knew that her boyfriend hated dancing unless it was just the two of them in the garden at their house. He had a hard enough time teaching her how to dance because he couldn’t do it that well himself.

“You’re welcome, doll,” He said before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

They watched their friends dance like idiots to some really old pop song, and Clarke refilled her drink.

“That’s my girl,” Dawson complimented her as he gave her a little squeeze.

Clarke mulled over the taste for a moment, “It tastes better than Monty’s moonshine, but it isn’t as strong.”

“You’ve had booze stronger than this?” He asked. “I bet you could drink us all to death, babe.”

Clarke just smiled and nursed her drink as Bellamy sat down, having overheard their conversation.

“That’s what she did at the Dropship,” He contributed. “I had my money on Sterling that night. He made it pretty far, but Clarke was the last one standing in the end.”

She focused on her drink to avoid paying attention, but her boyfriend beamed at her anyway. “So you’re just trying to look out for our safety, because we’d kill ourselves trying to keep up with you. You’re so good to me, doll.”

If her cheeks hadn’t already been red from her drink, she would have blushed. Dawson squeezed and kissed her again, and she giggled.

Bellamy watched them together and felt happy, but also sad. He was happy that she’d found someone to love and take care of her. But part of him wondered if she’d be that happy if he, himself was with her. He knew he could be that for her if she really wanted him to, but doing better meant staying with Echo. 

He could feel the jealousy bleed into him as he looked away, and the guilt set in saw he caught sight of Echo. He shouldn’t be having thoughts about another woman, another taken woman, when he, himself was already spoken for.

Bellamy waved her over to come sit with them, and Clarke whispered something to Dawson before the pair stood up to dance. He pulled his girlfriend into a hug.

“I thought you weren’t coming,” He told her as they sat on a bench.

“I couldn’t miss the Commander’s birthday,” Echo said flatly.

They sat in silence as they watched their friends dance, then change partners, and start dancing again.

“Do you want to dance?” Bellamy asked Echo.

“Not really,” She replied.

Before he could ask why, everyone came back over and Clarke was frowning at Dawson.

“I need a break, babe,” He was telling her. “If you don’t let me shake this off, I’ll be carrying you home because I’ll break your feet.”

Clarke sighed and sat down beside him, and before he could stop himself, Bellamy blurted:  
“I’ll dance with you.”

Seven sets of eyes immediately glanced in his direction, wearing a myriad of expressions that Bellamy ignored. He cleared his throat before diverting his gaze to Dawson.

“If that’s okay.”

Much to his surprise, Dawson laughed, “Go with God, my good man.”

Bellamy held his hand out to Clarke, and she accepted it as another slow song began playing.

“Thank you,” She said after a few steps. “I don’t want to be around Echo. She doesn’t like me.”

“She’ll have to get used to you,” Bellamy told her as he spun her out of view of their friends. 

“Because I like having you around.”

Her stormy eyes met his for a moment and he saw something flicker in them that he couldn’t recognize before it disappeared.

“I like having you around too,” She replied. 

He couldn’t help but smile, and it only grew bigger as she did too.

“Do you like him? Dawson?” Bellamy asked.

Clarke dipped her head for a moment, “Yeah, I do. He’s good to me.”

“That’s good...I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you.”

*****

Dawson glanced over at Echo, who was glaring at Bellamy and Clarke as they danced among a bunch of other couples.

“What’s your beef with my girl?” He asked her.

The woman just turned her glare onto him. Dawson knew that Echo was a spy, and the one that had come up with the battle plan that would’ve destroyed them, if not for Clarke. 

“Is it your pride? Or is it because you’re jealous of Clarke?”

Everyone seated at the table was watching them now, and Echo opened her mouth to reply.

“She’s the enemy,” Echo said as if it was the absolute truth. “I don’t fraternize with my enemies.”

“If I recall, she’s the one who saved _your_ sorry ass, after _your_ plan backfired,” Dawson continued. “You’re a spy right? You should know better than to share battle plans with someone who could easily turn traitor. All those people in the gorge died because of _you_.”

“I didn’t know she would turn on us,” Echo defensively, but it might as well have been a confession.

“But you knew that she was five months pregnant, and that a mother will do anything to protect her child,” Dawson snapped back. 

Echo was silent, but still refusing to accept any blame.

“That’s exactly what Clarke did,” Dawson continued. “Bellamy tried to take Madi from Clarke. That’s why she abandoned him. But they’ve forgiven each other, which means that you don’t have the right to be angry anymore.”

Echo glared at him more intensely than before, “She tried to kill Bellamy.”

“She left him to die at the mercy of his sister because he betrayed her,” Dawson corrected her. “And then you tried to kill her as revenge for a murder she didn’t commit. That doesn’t give you _any_ moral high ground here. 

The woman moved to argue, but Dawson cut her off.

“You’re a spy, a shitty one, but that’s all you are. You need an enemy to hate so you can feel useful. Well don’t make it Clarke, or there will be all kinds of hell to pay.”

Before she could reply, Echo glanced up to see Bellamy and Clarke returning, and hugged Bellamy before leaving. Clarke sat down and both looked confused by Echo’s departure. 

“Dawson read her the riot act,” Shaw explained as he high-fived said man. “He sent her and her bullshit running for the hills.”

Clarke turned a shocked expression on her boyfriend, whom smiled brightly.

“Half the job of being a good boyfriend is defending your lady’s honor,” He explained before turning to Bellamy. “Your girlfriend is a frigid bitch.”

Bellamy couldn’t argue that. Echo had been giving him the silent treatment for weeks, and didn’t even come home most nights. He knew that she felt useless and had been trying to find something to do, but it just left this weird space between them. He often wondered if she had found someone else to fill that space, but he was getting better at pushing those thoughts away.

“Yeah,” He replied absently. “That’s kinda her thing.”

End Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I know I didn't do a good job trying to write this to be an actual end to the story for those that are uncomfortable with the new direction this story is taking, and I will revisit it at a later time when I'm not sick of staring at this chapter.
> 
> Thank you all for reading! PLEASE READ THE TAGS BEFORE JOINING ME NEXT CHAPTER


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THE TAGS GOING FORWARD! DO NOT CONTINUE IF THE TAGS BRING UP SENSITIVE ISSUES FOR YOU!

“It feels so good to get the hell out of that village,” Emori said as she stretched her arms while she walked.

“No kidding,” Murphy added as he put an arm around Emori. “I thought that we’d never get out of the kitchens.”

Clarke smiled as Dawson rested his chin on her shoulder. They were riding atop Sniffer together as their small caravan made their way deep into uncharted territory.

Clarke, Dawson, Shaw, and Spacekru sans Echo had been sent by Madi to search the rest of the small continent for any sign of Elligus III. They planned a route to take through the densely forested and potentially dangerous areas that they couldn’t easily see past with the mothership camera, and then they would return to the village to report their findings. 

Raven rode in the wagon that Sniffer was towing with their supplies and was taking notes of everything around them, while Clarke went back to sketching and mapping. Bellamy was leading them through the trees, and Murphy and Emori watched the sides and rear.

“I will always be amazed by your ability to draw,” Dawson commented as he nuzzled her neck.

Clarke smiled and gently swatted him away as she noticed Shaw flinch at something he saw on the tablet he was holding.

“Is something wrong, Shaw?” Clarke asked, causing five other heads to turn in his direction.

He turned to look at Clarke, blinked a couple times, and then shook himself, “No, it’s nothing. The waterfall we decided to camp at is bigger than I thought.”

“Oh okay,” Clarke said and let it go, but she saw that Bellamy was still watching him for another moment before turning and continuing back down the trail.

Dawson just went back to distracting Clarke, and she tried her best to stay focused.

Nearly a year into their relationship, Clarke was happier than she had ever been, and it was really starting to set in that she could live a peaceful life. Especially if this mission didn’t turn up anything. She could finally have the people she cared about the most close by and safe. 

She and Dawson had been getting more and more intimate, but they still hadn't had the good old penis-in-vagina sex yet, and she could tell that he was getting frustrated. It was something that they were actively trying to do, but every time they got close, she just couldn’t. He would always stop and comfort her, but she knew that trying and stopping was so much worse than saying she didn’t want to sleep with him. She wanted to. She really did. Because she knew it would help her let go of the rest of her self-doubt.

They were still incredibly open with each other, but now their talks had shifted away from talking about them as individuals, and more toward them being together as a solid unit. She could tell he was sending out feelers to flesh out how she felt about marriage, and the more she thought about it, the easier it was to talk herself into it. She wanted to commit to him, and decided that their one-year anniversary was the night she would tell him so.

She’d had more than enough time to sort out her anxieties and insecurities, and she knew that a part of her would always love Bellamy. But Dawson still wanted her, and treated her like a queen. After the life she’d had, she couldn’t ask for better than that.

Clarke and Bellamy were good friends now, and after a lot of spending team with Dawson, he’d eventually given them his blessing. She was still curious if he’d ever loved her, but it wasn’t important for her to know anymore. They were both seeing different people, and knowing would only add to the list of regrets in her life.

After a few hours, the waterfall came into view and they stopped to make camp for the night. Dawson slid off Sniffer first, and offered his hand to help Clarke down. When her feet hit the ground, he pressed his lips to hers. She giggled as his teeth clacked with hers, and he pulled away with a fake pout.

“C’mon Clarke. I haven’t gotten to kiss you all day,” He complained.

She rolled her eyes and let him pull her in for a deeper kiss, before breaking apart to help everyone else set up camp.

“Y’all are nasty,” Murphy commented.

******

They’d had a good dinner together as Murphy and Raven told stories about their time on the Ring. Clarke had decided to turn in early, and once she was out of earshot, Dawson cleared his throat.

“So...I want to ask you all something,” He began, hating how sheepish he sounded. “What would you guys think if I proposed to Clarke?”

Silence was the initial answer that greeted him and he instantly regretted it.  
“You want to propose?” Raven clarified. “Have you talked to Abby?”

“She was un-surprisingly, not okay with it, but I know Clarke doesn’t really care what she thinks,” He continued. “I love Clarke, and she loves me. She likes to take things slow, but I think we’ve finally reached the point where this is the next step.”

“Have you even talked about marriage with her?” Shaw asked as he tended to the fire.

“We’ve been talking about our future together. She seems receptive to the idea of us being together for a long time,” He explained. “But I don’t want to go through with it if you guys don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Silence blanketed them again, and it was so quiet that he could almost hear Clarke’s snoring over the crackling coals. 

“I think Clarke values the connection more than anything,” Raven began. “But it sounds like you could sell her on the idea of letting you call her your wife.”

“You two already act like a married couple,” Murphy added. “You clearly love each other. You still have your fights, but you guys always seem to work it out.”

Everyone else nodded and Dawson smiled, “Thanks guys. I appreciate it.”

Taking his words as a dismissal, Shaw, Raven, Murphy, and Emori went to bed, just leaving him and Bellamy by the fire.

“You’ve been quiet,” Dawson said bluntly.

Bellamy let out a long breath, “After everything, Clarke deserves the best. I’m glad that you’re able to be that for her.”

Dawson watched him carefully, “You know, I don’t think she would marry me, if I didn’t have your support.”

“What?”

“When Clarke and I had first started dating, she told me that she was in love with you. And she didn’t think that she could love me the way she loved you. But you were with someone else, so Dioyza and Raven convinced her to give me a chance.”

Bellamy was stock-still and completely silent. 

“I never thought we’d last this long, but when Clarke sets her mind to something, she does it. And she wanted to get over you.”

Bellamy just watched him carefully.

“I’m not asking for your permission. I don’t need it. But I think she may need it, so she can move on.”

He took a long moment before replying. He couldn’t believe that all this time Clarke actually loved him. But it made sense. She had called him every day for six years. He didn’t want to assume what it meant at the time. He knew that she cared about him, but _loved_ him? It was unbelievable, too good to be true. Monty was probably rolling in his grave. He’d definitely known all this from the start. It explained why he woke them first.

Except it wasn’t, because she was about to marry someone else because he’d been trying to do the right thing and make it work with Echo. 

He hung his head for a moment, and rubbed his eyes as tears of regret threatened to spill from them. After collecting himself in record time, he extended his hand toward Dawson. He met his eyes and could see the determination, and masked his own sadness with kindness and approval.

“Take care of her,” Was all he said.

******

The next morning the group set out again. They were about halfway through their journey at this point, since the continent they occupied was so small.

Clarke was smiling and trying to stifle her laughter as Dawson kept tickling her calves. Today she rode atop Sniffer, and he walked alongside them, with Bellamy on his other side. She was long used to her boyfriend’s affection when they were alone, but he was bringing it into a public atmosphere more and more. And she noticed that people were watching them, particularly Bellamy.

He always looked like a kicked puppy whenever she noticed him watching, and she could only guess as to why. She didn’t know much about his relationship with Echo, and she didn’t want to deal with the sudden influx of feelings she’d have if she asked. She didn’t want to know if they’d broken up, or were having issues, because it would cause strain on her. She knew it wasn’t fair of her to want his support in her relationship and not even inquire about his, but she couldn’t help it. If she wanted to make things work with Dawson, she had to push all her feelings about Bellamy away.

And she was getting pretty good at it.

But this time, the look on Bellamy’s expression was different, and Clarke couldn’t place it before her turned away. She also noticed that Dawson wasn’t talking and joking around with Bellamy like he usually did, he was completely focused on her.

“Hey guys, there’s a lake up ahead,” Shaw said suddenly.

“Thank god,” Raven commented from the wagon. “Murphy’s starting to stink.”

“Hey!” Murphy protested. “I smell perfectly normal for someone who’s been hiking for a week.”

“She’s right babe. When I woke up this morning, I thought I was sleeping with one of those Stinkboars,” Emori added. 

Bellamy shrugged and looked up at Clarke, “What do you think Prin-Clarke?”

She tried her best to ignore his stumble over the old nickname, “Sounds good to me.”

Dawson and Bellamy were staring at each other; having some kind of conversation she wasn’t privy to. She understood now how uncomfortable those silent conversations made everyone else, and just wanted the moment to end.

“Let’s haul ass then!” Raven exclaimed as she pulled Shaw up into the wagon.

Clarke gently egged Sniffer on to move a bit faster, cherishing the excuse to not be anywhere near her boyfriend and her best friend anymore.

Clarke and Raven were already in the water by the time the others caught up. Dawson and Bellamy unhooked, and unsaddled Sniffer before joining them, Murphy cannonballed into the water, and Emori just sat on the shore with Shaw.

Clarke was just comfortably floating on her back when Dawson wrapped his arms around her.

“Want a massage?” He offered with a toothy grin.

Clarke raised an eyebrow, but didn’t decline as Dawson pulled her into his lap. He never wanted to give her massages because he had an irrational fear of hitting a pressure point, messing up her spine, or touching a scar and triggering a horrible memory associated with it. Clarke was about to question his intentions and sudden lack of concern, when his hands kneaded into her back and all thoughts melted away.

She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a moan as his hands began roaming elsewhere. 

“Kent,” She tried to scold him. “We’re in public.”

One of his hands reached up to fondle her breast as he dropped his mouth to her ear, “Does it matter if they’re not paying attention?”

She saw his point and tried to touch him too, but she couldn’t really reach anything too scandalous with her back pressed against his chest.

“I want to-” She began breathlessly. 

“It’s okay, doll,” He whispered again before kissing her neck. “Right now is all about you.”

Clarke shifted in his lap, “Can we at least move a little farther away?”

His hands retracted, “Sure thing.”

She let him lead her behind some rocks. Before he could pull her back against him, she climbed back into his lap, this time facing him.

“C’mon Clarke,” He whined as he teased at the waistline of her underwear. “This is supposed to be about you.”

“I want physical intimacy to be a two-way street,” Clarke replied. “I don’t want to be the only one receiving.”

Dawson studied her for a moment, “I just thought...nevermind.”

Clarke gently rested her arms on his shoulders, “What’s wrong? Please talk to me.”

He took a moment to choose his words, “I thought that if you just let me pleasure you without reciprocating, then maybe for once this wouldn’t end in tears.”

She dropped his gaze for a moment, “You know I don’t want it to be that way.”

He gently rubbed her sides, “I know, doll. I know you’re trying.”

“Have you been thinking about this a lot?”

“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things.”

Clarke rested her head on his shoulder, all desire gone from her body, “Like what?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “Like Bellamy.”

“What about Bellamy?”

He cleared his throat, “I know how close you and Bellamy were, and I’m glad that you were so open with me about it. But do you feel anything for him? Still?”

Regret and guilt pulled at her body much more strongly than the waves did, but she held his gaze as she spoke.

“Part of me will always love Bellamy. Just like how part of me will always love Lexa. But the rest of me needs someone who will love me back, and that’s you. I love you, Kent. You’re it for me.”

“But if Bellamy did love you, would you still choose me?”

“Why does it matter? Isn’t knowing that I love you enough?”

Dawson put his arms around her as she began to tear up, “I’m sorry babe. I just...I want to take the next step with you. I want to make sure you’re ready, that we won’t regret this.”

“Kent…”

“I’m sorry for bringing it up. I love you, Clarke.

“I love you too.”

******

The group relaxed in the water for a few hours before saddling up and heading out again. Shaw had seen something on the camera nearby, so Raven, Murphy, and Emori stayed behind to set up camp, while Shaw, Clarke, Dawson, and Bellamy headed to the site.

Clarke dismounted Sniffer when they arrived at the coordinates, and gave him a command to start searching for recent human scents. The beast sniffed all around the clearing before turning in a circle and laying down.

“What does that mean?” Bellamy asked as Clarke gently pet Sniffer and fed him a treat.

“He doesn’t smell any people around here,” Clarke explained. “How close are we?”

“About fifty meters east of here,” Shaw continued.

Clarke directed Sniffer in that direction and gave the command again. As they followed the beast further out, the remains of a transport ship came into view.

Large pieces were missing, likely having broken off in the crash, but the forest around it had begun to mend itself. Smaller trees dotted the edges, while herbaceous cover and shrubs grew right up against the ship. Birds had flown out of the top compartment when they approached.

“So they did make it,” Dawson summarized.

“But did they survive?” Bellamy asked.

Sniffer laid down again, and Clarke gave him a treat and a third command, that sounded different from the first two. The animal immediately began digging around in the dirt, as Shaw carefully climbed into the wreckage.

“Can you find the black box?” Bellamy called to Shaw as Dawson approached Clarke.

“Listen doll, I’m sorry about earlier,” He began. “I didn't mean to upset you.”

Clarke met his eyes and smiled before pecking him on the cheek, “It’s okay, Kent. I'm sorry if I upset you at all.”

Dawson gave her a gentle squeeze, "You didn't doll. I'm just being an idiot."

"Yeah, but you're my idiot."

They shared a smile and a quick embrace before Dawson went back over to the wreckage to help.

“Everything okay?” Bellamy asked.

“Yeah,” Dawson answered. “I thought I screwed up, but she...she’s incredible.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Bellamy commented. “You’re a lucky man, Dawson.”

Before he could reply, they both whipped around toward the rest of the clearing when they heard Clarke calling out to them.

“Found something!”

Dawson reached her first and saw a giant hole that Sniffer had dug, and Clarke commanding the animal to lay down. Bellamy approached the hole only to see what looked like a bunch of broken tree limbs.

“What is it?” Bellamy asked.

“Human remains,” Clarke answered. “It must be some kind of grave.”

The limbs were actually bones that were blackened by decay, according to Clarke’s analysis and Dawson watched her eyes dart around the clearing before carefully making her way into the hole. She pulled on a mask from her med kit, and some gloves.

“What the hell are you doing?” Dawson asked as he watched her almost lose her footing.

Bellamy chuckled, “She’s being Clarke.”

They watched as she began examining the remains, and sorting them into piles. Shaw eventually found his way over to them, carrying the black box.

“The ship didn’t malfunction,” He summarized. “The pilot must’ve crashed it.”

“How can you tell?” Bellamy asked, peeking over at the tablet screen.

“There’s no error or malfunction in the logs,” Shaw explained. “Just that they suddenly started losing altitude really fast.”

“How many were aboard the ship?” Clarke called up from the bottom of the hole.

Shaw tapped the tablet, “Fifteen. Why?”

“What are you thinking Clarke?” Bellamy asked suspiciously.

“I count partial remains of thirteen bodies, eight men, five women.”

“Missing a man and a woman,” Shaw said as he counted the people.

“Adam and Eve,” Bellamy summarized and Clarke nodded.

Shaw thought it over for a moment, while Dawson just looked quizzically between them -feeling very out of the loop.

“Is there any way to identify the bodies?” Shaw asked.

“Clothing decomposes faster than bone,” Clarke explained. “It’s also possible that that some of the remains have could’ve already decomposed.”

“How long does it take for bone to decompose?” Bellamy asked.

“A century. Less in a grave like this. I’m surprised we found remains at all.”

Clarke moved toward the edge of the hole, and Bellamy reached down to pull her out.

“So one of three things happened,” Bellamy began. “A man and a woman crashed the ship to kill their crewmates and start a new society on their own, leaving the rest of their people to die in space when their ship eventually ran out of power.”

“Or they found another way to bring their people down,” Shaw added.

“Or they died with the rest of the crew,” Clarke finished.

Bellamy ran a hand through his hair, “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Clarke whistled to Sniffer, who began filling the hole back in, before she sat down.

“I don’t want to do this again,” She mumbled as a shudder went through her.

Dawson moved toward Clarke to comfort her, but Bellamy was already sitting next to her.

“Maybe it’ll be better this time,” He commented.

Clarke snorted, which caused Bellamy to chuckle, and soon they both dissolved into laughter. Dawson glanced at Shaw, whom shrugged.

He couldn’t deny that Bellamy and Clarke had a connection; and shared trauma was a strong connection. They made a good team in stressful situations, were good at making decisions, and were good at leaning on each other’s experience and support.

With how he’d grown up, a girlfriend and a wife was someone who would always be there with you through the good and the bad. But before he’d gone into the military, he hadn’t been able to foresee what possible bad there could be. It was simple, go to school, graduate, get a job, get married, have a family.

But Clarke and Bellamy had been to hell and back together more than once. So maybe Clarke saw the vow “for better or worse” a bit more literally and severely than he did.

End Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THE TAGS GOING FORWARD! DO NOT CONTINUE IF THE TAGS BRING UP SENSITIVE ISSUES FOR YOU!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys! It's the beginning of the end! If shit wasn't already real it's only going to get more real! Please remmember to check the tags before continuing! If any of the mentioned topics are sensitive or triggering for you, please do not continue.
> 
> I'm also behind on writing again, so there may be more hiatuses in the future. But on the flip side, the chapters are going to get a lot longer because there's so much stuff I have to fit in. I hope that'll make up for it!

Clarke rolled out of bed and dressed to go answer whoever was incessantly knocking on her door. Dawson had left earlier, claiming that Sniffer needed a bath more than anything, when in reality he was probably setting up for their anniversary tonight. She wasn’t expecting Raven and Emori to come over until later to help her with her hair and pick out something to wear.

Upon opening the door, a small body crashed into her own.

“Clarke!” Madi exclaimed.

Clarke took a moment to pull Madi into a proper hug and swung her in a small circle.

“What are you doing here, Madi?” She asked.

“I wanted to see you, but Gaia always wants me to keep training,” Madi explained. “So I snuck out.”

Clarke immediately began considering all of the potential ramifications of Madi disappearing, and then let out a sigh. 

“Did you tell anyone where you were going?”

“I told Bellamy.”

“Okay. Well, what do you want to do?”

Madi paused for a moment, caught off-guard by Clarke letting her antics go so easily. “I want to take a nap.”

“Okay.”

Clarke helped Madi up into the loft bed and tucked her in.

“Will you stay?” Madi asked after a moment.

Clarke nodded and laid down on top of the blankets beside her.

“Lexa keeps telling me that I’m working too hard,” Madi said after a moment. “She says I need to relax.”

“I agree with her,” Clarke replied as she absently undid Madi’s braids. “You’re the Commander, but you’re still a kid, and you need time to be a kid.”

Madi sighed, “Why does no one else say that?”

“Because they don’t realize that you’re human too,” Clarke said simply, her experience speaking volumes. “Those people see the Commander as a god, that your rule is absolute, that you are above the problems of humans. But you’re not.”

“Gaia says that I need to be strong, and that strength comes from casting off fun.”

“Well it sounds like your teacher doesn’t know how to have fun.”

Madi laughed and Clarke pulled her into a hug. 

“If you don’t stop and have fun every once in a while, you’ll turn into me.”

Madi froze, “I’m not going to fall hopelessly in love with Bellamy am I?

Clarke smiled at the playful jab, happy that she could talk about it now. “Actually, I’ve been seeing someone new.”

The girl’s eyes went wide, “Really? Why? You’re supposed to be with Bellamy!”

“Madi...I can’t be with him if he doesn’t want me.”

“But-”

“Enough Madi,” Clarke said with quiet dismissal. “Go to sleep.”

Thankfully, she let it go, and closed her eyes.

“Can I come see you again?” Madi mumbled.

“You are always welcome here,” Clarke replied as she gave her daughter another squeeze.

It didn’t take long for Madi to fall asleep, and Clarke nestled Harper in beside her, before she went to sit on the porch. Without any warning, she felt tears streaming down her face.

Madi hadn’t forgotten about her, and she could still be herself. The Commanders hadn’t overpowered her.

And it was within that realization, that she forgave Bellamy.

She was sobbing now, but it wasn’t sadness that wracked her body, it was relief. Madi was okay, Bellamy was okay, everyone she thought she’d lost was alive and okay.

Part of her felt like her role was over; she’d lived long enough to see her loved ones start to soften and enjoy their lives as they moved on from their traumas. That she could finally remove herself from the equation. That there was nothing more for her to do. That she could finally die peacefully.

But another part of her remembered Dawson, and how he always showed her love. If she could truly love him, then maybe she could be okay too. 

With him she could be more than okay.

She could be happy.

She could have a family.

She could do more than just survive.

Eventually her crying faded, and with red, puffy eyes, and a mucus-filled nose, she went back inside and held her child until she joined her in the realm of sleep.

*******

“Are you sure about this?” Raven asked as Shaw moved around their house with a bag. “How do we know she’s doing something wrong?”

“We don’t,” Shaw told her. “But Indra said that no one leaves the village without her or Madi’s permission, and Echo doesn’t have either.”

“How do you know Madi hasn’t?”

“Because what reason could Echo give to not only go alone, but to also convince the Commander to keep it secret?”

Raven stopped arguing and turned away, rubbing her forehead.

“Look Raven, we don’t know what’s going on with her, and now that Indra knows, she wants to investigate.”

Raven turned back and frowned, “Then I’m going with you.”

“You can’t. Dioyza and I are going because we can follow her without being noticed,” Shaw told her. “We’ll both be wearing body cameras, and you need to operate the feed so Indra can watch.”

She sighed and pulled him in for a kiss, “Just...be careful, alright?”

He stared at her in surprise, “I was expecting more of a fight.”

“No, I get why I shouldn’t go. I’d just slow you down. But you’re still a dick for making me worry,” She replied with a small smile.

Shaw broke into one as well and gave her another kiss before they headed for the transport ship. Dioyza and Indra were already there and the former passed him a rifle.

“Raven and I will watch from here,” Indra said as she approached where the other woman was already working on one of the consoles.

The feed from the body cameras appeared on the main screen, and Indra turned when she heard footsteps.

“Who’s there?” Indra demanded, drawing her sword.

Octavia came around the corner with her hands raised, “Easy. I just wanted to know what everyone was being so sneaky about.”

Dioyza raised an eyebrow, “Everyone?”

“You guys, Echo. Echo sometimes takes guards with her too.”

“You’ve followed her?”

“Yeah, and sometimes the guards don’t come back with her. But she crosses a large field before she enters the east forest, and she’d see me if I followed any further.”

“Does she take the same path every time?”

“Yes, she covers the trail on her way back though.”

Dioyza stared at her for a moment, “Come with us.”

“She can’t be trusted,” Raven said and Indra nodded.

Dioyza scoffed, “Who cares? She knows more about where Echo is going than any of us, and if we all somehow get caught, the Commander can say she had no knowledge of it.”

Indra thought it over for a moment.

“Very well. Don’t get caught.”

*******

Clarke sat on the edge of her bed, watching Madi sleep when she heard feet come up the front steps. The door opened to reveal Dawson, with Bellamy just behind him.

“Is she okay?” The latter asked upon seeing Madi asleep in the bed.

“Fine,” Clarke answered. “She just wanted to catch up on some sleep.”

Bellamy nodded and Dawson let out an exasperated sigh. 

“Clarke, can we talk outside for a minute?” He asked.

He didn’t look tired, but deflated as he ran a hand through his hair. 

“Sure,” Clarke replied as she climbed down.

Bellamy said he’d keep an eye on Madi, and Clarke took Dawson’s outstretched hand. They walked through the forest in complete silence for a long time, before they came to a stop. It was the grove where they’d had their first date, and Dawson motioned for her to sit down. The grass was slightly damp from the rain the previous day, but Dawson didn’t seem to notice.

“I…” He took a breath and dropped his gaze for a moment. “Wow...this is gonna be hard.”

A wave of excitement flooded her senses, gave her gooseflesh, and made her hair stand on end. Was he finally going to propose?

“I love you Clarke. I really do. But I-I’m...Fuck, I don’t know how to say this.”

“Say what?” She asked, barely above a whisper.

He took a moment to collect himself, trying to rub the tears from his eyes. What felt like an eternity passed before he found the words.

“See...tonight, I was going to ask you to marry me, doll,” He said as he pulled out a metal band. “But I can’t.”

Fear and dread exploded in her chest, but far faster and more debilitating than any bomb. Her eyes had gone wide as shock paralyzed everything but her tear ducts. It wasn’t the first time she’d felt her heart break, but she couldn’t remember a time where it had felt worse.

With Finn it had only been a crush; a subplot so insignificant in the story of her life, that now she didn’t even regret not being able to explore it. 

Lexa was a tragedy in every sense of the word. Circumstance dictated their tale: an attempted blending of two worlds that in reality mixed like oil and water.

And Bellamy was the one that got away, an almost-lover. Someone so likeable, so good that anyone watching their plight could understand why she had loved him.

But that wasn’t true anymore. Dawson was the one she loved more than anyone else. Dawson was the one who convinced her to lean on him. That she didn’t need Bellamy to be happy.

And how he was he was giving up on her. He was giving up on them. 

“Why?” She sobbed, unaware that the tears falling down her face had compromised her voice. 

Dawson rubbed his eyes -he was crying too. “Because I’m not good enough for you.”

Clarke reached out to him, “Kent, you know I don’t care what you’ve done. You were kind enough to embrace me. Who would I be to say that you’re not good enough?”

“That’s not what I mean, Clarke.”

His voice sounded hollow as he wiped at his eyes, and sniffled to get control over his emotions.

“I didn’t realize how good Bellamy is for you,” He began. “And I can’t hold a candle to him.”

“What?”

Dawson took another breath, “It took me a while to figure it out, but now I understand why you love him so much.”

“But I don’t!” She exclaimed and cut herself off to keep from crying hysterically.

Neither spoke for a long time as Clarke sobbed loudly, and Dawson let silent tears flow freely.

“I love _you_ , Kent,” She said between breaths. “Not Bellamy. I want to be with you.”

“Clarke-”

“Why is that not enough?!”

Dawson looked surprised by her outburst, then looked away.

“Because Bellamy-”

“I don’t care about Bellamy!” She stood as she shouted, grass sticking to her pants and boots.

Dawson sighed, “I just don’t see it working out, Clarke.”

She buried her face in her hands and Dawson stood to comfort her.

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” He said.

She pushed him away, “You’re sorry? You don’t trust me! You don’t believe me! Telling you that _I love you_ isn’t enough for you! So why don’t you just say it?”

“Say what, Clarke?”

“That I’m not good enough for you!”

Silence blanketed the clearing, except for the sound of approaching footsteps. Bellamy burst out of the trees a moment later and stumbled into the grove.

“Is everything alright? I heard yelling,” He asked breathlessly.

“We’re fine,” Clarke snapped, and turned away so they couldn’t see her cry.

Dawson turned back to Clarke, “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your apology. I want you to say what you mean.”

Dawson opened his mouth, then closed it again, and Clarke had made up her mind.

“Then leave.”

She didn’t watch him go, nor did she watch Bellamy approach her.

“I’m not going to ask what happened,” Bellamy began. “But can I assume it wasn’t good?”

Clarke nodded slowly. She didn’t have the energy to lie to him at the moment.

“What do you need right now?”

She didn’t meet his eyes as she turned back toward her house, “I need to see my daughter.”

“Would you mind if I came?”

“No. I don’t mind.”

*******

It took until sunset for Echo to leave the settlement and they followed her to the border. Dioyza and Shaw kept to the ground, while Octavia moved through the trees above.

Echo would stop to check her surroundings every hundred paces or so, and checked before she began crossing the field. They let her get most of the way across before Octavia dropped out of the trees, and copied Shaw and Dioyza when they began to crawl. Well out of sight in the tall blue grass. They waited and carefully checked their surroundings before crossing the bare clearing between the grassland and the forest on the other side, and continued tracking her.

The trees in the forest had giant cylindrical trunks with green bark, but thick and long limbs overhead, nothing like the trees they had that were large enough to live in. Octavia resolved to stay on the ground, and a few lengths behind Shaw and Dioyza, and tried her best to copy their movements and footsteps.

Eventually they saw Echo again, just as she placed her hand against a tree. Suddenly, the forest disappeared and gave way to a small, but very futuristic looking village.

“Cloaking?” Octavia whispered it to Shaw.

He nodded, “It explains why we couldn’t find it.”

*******

Raven and Indra watched in awe as the forest as replaced with a village, with houses that looked like they were built from solid metal. Tall buildings stretched high into the sky, and technology and lights seemed to be infused into everything they could see.

“Wow. That shit looks like Tron,” Murphy’s voice caused them both to whip around. 

The delinquent strolled into the room and plopped down in a chair next to Indra, who looked to Raven.

“Murphy, what the hell are you doing here?” Raven snapped.

“Helping,” He joked, but wore a serious expression.

Indra stood menacingly over him, “Do not speak to anyone of what you see here.”

“Can do, scary lady!” He replied as he gave a mock salute.

Raven sighed and looked over the pictures of the village that Shaw was sending her. 

“What does this mean?” Indra asked, pointing at one of the pictures.

Raven took a moment to think of a way to translate what she was seeing, into something that would make sense to Indra. 

“They’re a lot more advanced than us,” Raven said simply. 

“Could we fight them if we had to?” Indra asked again.

Raven didn’t hesitate, “No.”

The two shared a look for a long time until Shaw’s voice came through the speakers. 

“Employing distance mic.”

The speakers crackled as Raven adjusted the frequency. The cameras showed Echo talking to a well-dressed man at the gate, who was flanked by guards that wore full-body armor. 

_“Where is your tribute?”_ The man asked. His voice was deep but grand and charismatic.

_“I cannot always bring tributes or people will get suspicious,”_ Echo replied. _“Keep your promise, and I will bring more.”_

The man smiled brightly as he nodded to her. _“I understand. You will be protected in the rapture as I have promised.”_

Echo nodded and turned away, but the man called after her. 

_“When will I get to meet your leader? She could be useful in assimilating our peoples.”_

_“The Commander is not a tool.”_

_“Of course not! But if she is as you say, she would make a perfect wife for my son.”_

_“The Commander cannot marry.”_

_“Well, that’s a bit primitive, isn’t it?”_

_“It is our way.”_

_“Then I’m sure we can some to some other agreement. But that's a talk for another time!”_

Echo nodded, _“You’ll get more blood.”_

_“Excellent!”_

The conversation abruptly ended and Echo began to walk away. When she got far enough, the cloaking reactivated and the village was replaced with forest. 

_“What do you want us to do, Indra?”_ Shaw asked. 

Raven handed Indra the microphone. “See where else she goes. When she gets within sight of the village, pick her up.”

_“Copy that,”_ Shaw replied. 

“Wow…” Murphy began. “What do you think he meant by tributes?”

Raven shook her head, and Indra spoke: “Whatever they are, he knew of the Commander, which means she’s told them information about us.”

“Which is treason,” Murphy summarized. 

“Which is more than enough to bring her to trial and stop her from doing this,” Indra replied, then softened slightly. “I know she is a friend of yours, but this cannot go unpunished.”

Raven didn’t answer, but Murphy shook his head. 

“Nah, if she’s giving them information and whatever these tributes are, then fuck her.”

“Really Murphy? You’re just going to turn on her? You don’t even know why she did it!” Raven snapped.

“And that’s what I intend to ask her,” Indra replied. “She will be allowed to defend herself if she so chooses”

Motion on the cameras caused Raven’s argument to die in her throat, as Octavia dropped out of the trees and knocked Echo to the ground. 

“We’re on our way to you,” Indra said into the microphone. “I’ll send an additional guard patrol as well.”

Indra nodded to them and left the ship, leaving Murphy and Raven alone. The latter downloaded the footage to a tablet, and Murphy grabbed her hand. 

“Woah. Don’t you dare delete it,” He told her. “I get that you care, but you can’t get in the way of this or you’ll die too.”

“I know,” Raven answered as she wiped her eyes and turned to embrace him. “I...I just thought she’d changed.”

“Me too,” Murphy answered as he hugged her back. 

They stayed like that for a moment and then pulled away.

“So who’s gonna tell Bellamy?” He asked.

Raven wiped the remaining tears away, “I will.”

End Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Chapter 8 is on time to be finished for next week, however there may be hiatuses in the future depending on how much time I have to write with the new semester starting.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Welcome back to another installment! I want to let you all know that a hiatus may be coming soon! It won't be long, just because as of this posting, I am halfway through writing the next chapter. I haven't even gotten a chance to finish and edit it yet with the start of the semester. I hope to have it up sometime late next week, but I can't make any promises at this point.
> 
> I WILL FINISH THIS STORY. I know what it's like to be the author that doesn't finish stuff, and also the reader who is upset that the author didn't finish a story I really enjoyed. Neither is that pleasant. I think it's better at this point to finish it, even if the writing quality is worse, than to leave you hanging.

Clarke woke to the morning sun pouring in through the window. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she sat up and surveyed her surroundings. Madi was sprawled out next to her and had forced Clarke to sleep near the edge, and Bellamy on the floor.

She pulled the blanket back up over Madi as she slept and caught a whiff of that burning smell that always followed Dawson around. The tears pricked at her eyes again as she hurriedly got out of bed and dressed.

Voices reached her ears through her muddled thoughts; hushed, coming from out on the porch. She quickly threw on her shoes and started for the door, when it suddenly opened. She jumped back in time to be face-to-face with a distraught-looking Bellamy, with an equally concerned Murphy, Emori, and Raven standing behind him. 

“Clarke. I-I was just about to tell you,” He stammered. “I have to go the village.”

Clarke dropped her gaze for a moment, then met his eyes again. “Okay.”

“Madi needs to come too,” Raven added somberly.

“Is everything okay?” Clarke asked. 

“Echo is…being put on trial for treason,” Emori answered.

Bellamy had already started down the steps toward the village and watched him for a moment before nodding to Raven. 

“I’ll get her ready.”

********

Bellamy and Raven left for the village while Murphy and Emori waited for Clarke and Madi to get ready. Clarke filled Madi in with what she could before they began walking toward the village.

“Did Echo really commit treason?” Madi asked.

“Yeah. There’s video evidence from the team that Indra sent after her,” Murphy explained.

The young leader frowned, “Indra sent a team without consulting me?”

Clarke sighed, “She probably wanted evidence before she brought her suspicions to you.”

“Indra knows that you don’t have time to deal with rumors Heda,” Emori agreed. “There’s no reason to be angry with her.”

Clarke shot a quizzical glance at Murphy, who hung back while Emori went on ahead with Madi. 

“Why would she say that?”

“Bellamy thinks she’s putting on a front so people don’t challenge her reign,” He explained. “But I think she’s too stressed out.”

“Well, that explains why she came to see me.”

“Gaia’s been keeping her on a tight leash. I’m impressed that she was able to get away.”

Clarke pursed her lips, “I’ll have to speak with her about that.”

“Oooh, can I watch?”

Clarke rolled her eyes.

Madi was whisked away by Indra, and Clarke called out to Gaia.

“What can I do for you Clarke?” Gaia greeted her.

“You need to lessen Madi’s training,” Clarke said simply.

Gaia looked surprised, “Clarke, I can assure you that Madi’s training is equally balanced with her free time.”

“How about you cut the crap and ease up on the kid okay?” Murphy said as he crossed his arms.

“Look,” Clarke began. “I get that she’s a new Commander and had to learn a lot really fast. But she needs her own space to do what she wants.”

Gaia narrowed her eyes, “She still has much to learn.”

“How about I put it this way?” Clarke said a bit more forcefully. “I raised her. She’s used to peace. She’s also used to hiding. Her parents hid her to keep her away from the Flame. She knows that she has a big responsibility, but she also knows that she’s living the life her parents never wanted her to live.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Gaia asked again.

“If you don’t give her time to be a kid, she will constantly feel like a failure because she’s doing the one thing her parents didn’t want her to do,” Clarke continued darkly. “I’m sure you can relate to what that feels like.”

She heard Murphy suck in a breath beside her and Gaia hung her head for a moment. 

“I understand your reasoning, Clarke,” Gaia replied. “I will see what I can do.”

The flamekeeper turned on her heel and began walking away as Murphy let out a shaky breath.

“I thought she was going to deck you,” He said with a chuckle. “That was awesome, Clarke.”

“Thanks.”

********

Bellamy struggled against the guards for as long as he could before they managed to push him away, and he sat on the ground nearby in protest. Three of the seven guards protecting the prison were unconscious with broken noses, ribs, and several other bones, but Bellamy hadn’t gotten away unscathed. The skin on his knuckles was split and bleeding, and his face, chest, arms, and abdomen were covered in black and blue bruises that blossomed ceaselessly across his skin.

He didn’t see Indra approach until she came to a stop in front of him. 

“What?” He snarked. “You come to arrest me too?”

“I should,” She began, unwilling to pull any punches as she sat beside him. “But I thought you’d be more interested in why Echo’s being put to trial.”

“Raven already showed me the videos,” He told her grimly as he flexed his sore hands.

“Would you have any idea why she’d do something like this?” Indra asked. 

“No.”

“Then why don’t you help me find out?”

Before he could reply, she stood and pulled Bellamy to his feet before leading him toward the prison. 

“Echo isn’t cooperating with questioning, and before we move to torture, the Commander would like to see if you can get her to talk.”

Bellamy nodded, “What’s going to happen to her?”

“The video will already prove her guilty, so she will be executed.”

“How?”

“The punishment for treason is being burned at the stake.”

Bellamy hung his head. He was so conflicted about how to feel. He couldn’t believe that Echo would turn against Madi. He wanted to know why, because he knew that she had to have some sort of reason.

The guard hesitated for a moment before opening the door to Echo’s cell.

The room was small and dark, the only light coming from the open door at the end of the hall, and the few candelabras that had been mounted to the walls. Echo was disheveled, and had been stripped down to her underclothes to eradicate any possibility of her concealing a weapon. Her wrists and ankles were even chained together and to a brace on the floor.

She lifted her head slightly at the sound of the cell door opening, but didn’t look the visitors in the eye. Bellamy rushed to her side and kissed her as hard as he could.

“Bellamy,” Indra cautioned him. “Don’t make me regret bringing you here.”

He took another moment before pulling away, but he didn’t go far. He still held one of Echo’s hands in his as Indra sighed.

“We’re going to ask again,” Indra began. “Since we’ve brought Bellamy to see you, it’s your turn to give us something.”

Echo’s lips formed a hard line, something Bellamy knew meant that she didn’t want to talk.

“Please Echo,” Bellamy said. “If you tell us what’s going on, then maybe Madi will reduce the punishment.”

Echo shot a glance at Indra, waiting for confirmation. 

“It depends on how cooperative you are.”

She hesitated and Bellamy squeezed her hand.

“Please Echo. I don’t want to lose you. Just tell us what happened.”

Echo sat silently, jaw locked and expressionless.

“You can live Echo, you just have to tell us what happened and why.”

“He’s right,” Indra added.

She still didn’t speak. 

Bellamy felt his heart racing as the panic began to set in.

He shook her shoulders, “Why not tell us?! You can still live!”

“They’ll kill me, no matter what.”

“I’ll talk to Madi. I can get Clarke to argue on your behalf.”

“Clarke won’t help me.”

“Yes she will.”

“I tried to kill her before we left Earth.”

Bellamy froze and tried to figure out when that could’ve possibly happened, while Indra narrowed her eyes.

“So you’re also confessing to attempted murder of the Commander’s mother.”

Echo’s gaze snapped to her and she locked her jaw again.

Bellamy finally came to himself, “Why did you try to kill Clarke?”

“She was keeping the Commander from her people.”

“She was protecting her child!”

“She left you to die!”

“You would’ve done the same thing if it were me!”

Silence blanketed the room and Bellamy pulled away from Echo.

“I don’t understand how you can still hate her after everything she’s done for us. Especially when I know that you would’ve done the same thing in her shoes.”

No one spoke for a moment and Echo sighed.

“I just want to know when she gets punished for her crimes.”

“She already has. She was alone for six years, Echo! She had Madi sure, but you can’t start to work out your emotional problems with a child. She didn’t have people she could talk to about her trauma like we did!”

“Bellamy-“

“I get that it took you a while to trust me, but Clarke has always had the best intentions for everyone. If it were Clarke in here, she would do anything to live, so she could help correct her mistake.”

Echo didn’t reply.

“I fought seven guards out there to get to you, and you’re not willing to fight for me. We’re done.”

He turned on his heel and walked out of the prison and out into the village, feeling as emotionally raw as the open wounds on his hands did. The infirmary wasn’t far from him, and he thought of Clarke.

She loved him before, just like he loved her before he went to the ring.

Maybe she could love him again.

********

Clarke sat on a stool in the back room, sorting bandages and tools, with a somber expression on her face. 

It was bad enough that Madi would have to execute Echo, but she didn’t want to imagine how Bellamy was feeling. Though it was probably along the same line of how she felt about Dawson at the moment.

The thought came to her unbidden and unwanted, accompanied by tears and a heavy sadness. She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a sob and tried to collect herself.

“Clarke?” Abby’s voice reached her as the doctor poked her head into the room. “I need some help out here.”

“Coming,” Clarke answered, thankful that her voice didn’t break.

She wiped the tears away and walked out into the mostly empty infirmary. She saw her mother on one side of the room, treating the guards Bellamy had assaulted earlier in the day. On the other side was Bellamy himself, sitting on an exam table facing the wall, with his head bowed.

“He came in a few minutes ago,” Abby said; she didn’t have to tell Clarke who she meant. “He asked to be treated by you.”

Clarke nodded and made her way across the room, picking up a med-kit from one of the workstations as she passed. 

“Bellamy?” She inquired as she came up beside him.

His eyes were red and swollen, and one of them was bruised. His face and neck were littered with bruises and his hands are cut open everywhere she could see.

“Hey Clarke,” Bellamy said brokenly, not even trying to hide the rasp in his voice. “Mind patching me up again?”

“Not at all.”

She gently looked over his injuries and then went to gather some supplies from the back room. When she returned, she began wiping the blood from his knuckles with a wet cloth; her eyes carefully trained on her work. But Bellamy was watching her, his gaze was locked on her face and she could feel the emotion he was putting into it.

“Do you want me to ask?”

“What?”

“I won’t ask about what’s bothering you, unless you want me to.”

She looked up an met the intensity of his gaze with her own. She was still emotionally raw from what had happened with Dawson, but she would listen to him if he wanted to talk. He seemed to realize this because he looked away a moment later and wiped his nose.

“I shouldn’t-“

“Stop,” She said. “No more bottling things up. It’s okay to want to talk about these things. So talk.”

He looked surprised by her sudden tone change and when he didn’t reply, she sighed.

“It’s normal to feel pain Bellamy, but it’s not healthy to hide it,” She tried to explain it. “I know we’re not good at talking about how we feel, and in the past it’s hurt us a lot more than it hasn’t.”

She finished bandaging his hands and tried not to stare as he removed his shirt. It was hard not to with him being back on the guard’s training program. 

“I broke up with Echo,” He said flatly, as he discarded the shirt on the exam table next to him. “But it doesn’t really matter since she’s being executed anyway.”

Clarke blinked a few times before beginning to wipe the blood from his face and neck. 

“Why did you break up with her?” Clarke asked as she worked.

“Indra said that they wouldn’t kill her if she told them the truth, but Echo wouldn’t-“ He broke off as he pulled away to rub his eyes.

“But what?” She prompted.

“She wouldn’t do it. Not for herself, not for me either.”

Clarke felt an irrational flash of anger pulse through her, but easily hid it and gently pulled Bellamy’s head to her shoulder. His arms found their way around her middle as he tried not to cry.

“It’s okay to cry, Bellamy,” She whispered as she silenced the snickering guards with a glare.

“I can’t-“

“So those aren’t your tears staining my shirt?”

He spluttered, some horrible mixture of a sob and a laugh that broke her heart as he pulled her closer. He sobbed into her chest for a long time before finally withdrawing with red eyes and red cheeks, but smiling.

“Better?” Clarke asked.

“Yeah,” He replied. “How did you get so good at that?”

“Good at what?”

“Getting people to open up.”

Clarke snorted as the memories surfaced in her mind, “Kids are the toughest nuts to crack. Madi gave me a lot of practice.”

Before she could turn away to get more bandages, he pulled her into a tight hug. 

“You’re one of the good guys, Clarke,” He said. “Monty and Harper would be proud.”

“Don't kid me, Bellamy.”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything, Princess.”

********

“Why are we doing this?” Octavia asked as she followed Clarke around the back of the prison.

“Because we need to know what the Elligus settlement wants before they kill her,” Clarke replied as she checked for guards.

“If she didn’t talk to Bellamy, what makes you think she’ll talk to us?”

“Nothing, but we have to try,” Clarke replied. “We have to know what they want.”

“Why don’t we just ask them?”

Clarke shot a look at a smirking Octavia and tried not to smile herself.

“Okay, okay, let’s go.”

It wasn’t difficult for them to sneak past the guards while they changed shifts.

“I’ll watch the door,” Octavia said.

“Are you sure?”

“That bitch broke my brothers heart on top of all the times she tried to kill us. I’ll kill her first.”

Clarke nodded, “Probably for the best then.”

Clarke moved through the prison and quickly found Echo’s cell. She knocked on one of the bars to get the woman’s attention. She saw Echo look up slightly, then shifted to look away, revealing her bleeding wrists and ankles. Immediately, Clarke picked the lock and ignored Octavia’s warnings not to go in.

Echo looked up suddenly, as Clarke carefully opened the cell door and left it cracked open behind her. Echo just watched her carefully as Clarke produced a med kit and began to treat her cuts. 

“What are you doing?” Echo asked, wincing at the sting of the antiseptic.

“Can’t have you dying before your trial,” Clarke said flatly, not meeting Echo’s eyes as she worked. "There's a lot of people out there that want to see you burn."

Echo fell silent, and often grimaced and winced as Clarke cleaned her wounds and wrapped the bandages. Clarke worked as slowly as she could, hoping that by not asking about her crime, that Echo would volunteer something.

“Are you not going to ask?” Echo eventually blurted.

Bingo.

Clarke smirked inwardly, but outwardly shrugged, “Why? You’re not going to tell anyone anything anyway.”

Echo flinched, but went silent again, and Clarke kept pressing her advantage.

“What I don’t understand is what your end goal is,” Clarke continued. “If you wanted to die you would’ve killed yourself by now. If you wanted to live, you would’ve taken Indra and Bellamy’s offer.”

She still didn’t speak.

“Not only have you done neither, but you’ve destroyed your family and Bellamy. Which is more than enough reason for Octavia and I to justify your death in our minds.”

Still nothing. 

“So I can only come to the conclusion that you don’t want peace.”

“That’s not true.”

Clarke was surprised that baiting her was so easy, but didn’t show it.

“You haven’t given us any evidence to the contrary,” Clarke said with a disinterested shrug. “Why the hell would I believe you?”

“Because it doesn’t matter what I tell you,” Echo snapped. “It won’t help.”

Clarke felt rage rise in her again and she pulled Echo up by her shackles.

“That,” Clarke began darkly, “Is the single, stupidest reason for doing this. The information you have could keep all of these people safe! It could keep Bellamy safe!”

Echo wrenched her hands away from Clarke, “The only thing keeping them safe was me! No one helped me!”

“Did you ask someone to help? Did you tell anyone what was going on?”

She didn’t think so many muscles in the human body could tense so quickly.

Clarke shoved her down, “Then you don’t get to use that excuse!”

Echo was in tears now, but Clarke felt no sympathy for her.

“I just wanted to save him,” Echo sobbed.

“And you still can,” Clarke said. “Why don’t you fucking try to help instead of deciding on your own that all is lost?”

Echo finally broke, and sobbed openly for several minutes before trying to pull herself together.

“They called themselves the Second Dawn,” She began, absently wiping tears from her face as her gaze fixed on some unknown point in the distance. “They needed our people for a cure.”

“A cure for what?”

“I don’t know. But some of their people were deformed, and they tried to hide from me.”

“Did you go in the city? How many people were there?”

“Yeah, they boasted a population of one hundred people. But we can’t fight them.”

“Why?”

“They have advanced weapons that can do more damage than anything we have here.”

“Okay. What did they say when they told you about the cure?”

“Nothing I understood.”

“But maybe I can. Tell me anything you can remember.”

“He said something about ‘correcting the mistakes of birth.’ But it doesn’t make any sense.”

Clarke hesitated for a moment, “Birth defects.”

“What?”

“Like Emori’s hand. Maybe they’re having birth defects because of the excess radiation.”

Echo shook her head, “They have nightblood. They told me that.”

“Then why else-“ Clarke cut off as the realization dawned on her. 

She felt the bile rise in her throat as the realization washed over her. The conversation at the wrecked ship with Bellamy and Shaw replayed in her mind, and she covered her mouth with a hand to keep from retching.

“Oh my god.”

“What?”

“They did pull an Adam and Eve.”

“What does that mean?”

All of the possible repercussions for that scenario started surfacing in her mind, and her stomach threatened to empty its contents on the floor.

“I’ll explain later, but right now we need to tell the Commander that you’ve been helpful and get you out of here,” Clarke said taking a few deep breaths to calm herself.

Clarke turned and headed for the door to the cell and whistled to Octavia.

“Call for the Commander!”

Octavia nodded and sent the returning guards to go get Madi. 

“Can you repeat all of this for Madi?” Clarke asked.

Echo nodded, “Yes.”

“Then I’ll convince her to let you live. However,” Clarke said as she marched over and dragged Echo up by her chains again. “If you ever do anything like this again, or if you ever hurt Bellamy again, I will kill you myself.”

Clarke dropped Echo and began to walk away.

“How are you so confident?”

“I have hope,” Clarke turned to face her. “I may not have been there for the past six years, but I know that Monty and Harper would want us to try for peace before going to war.”

Echo dropped her gaze and after a moment said, “Thank you, Clarke.”

Clarke froze, then burst into laughter. Genuine laughter erupted from her as she tried to steady herself by leaning on the wall. 

“What is it?”

“No one’s ever thanked me before.”

Echo’s eyes went wide, “Really?”

“Yep.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, wow.”

********

“That’s everything,” Echo said as Clarke scribbled notes on the whiteboard. “Clarke had a theory on what it all meant.”

Said woman felt her stomach churn again as she capped the marker and turned to address the room. The council sat before her, as well as some essential personnel, and anyone who could offer a second opinion on foreign policy. Echo was strapped to a chair beside the board and Clarke saw her relax as the spotlight was taken away.

“Yes, um…I believe that the Elligus III colony is not only another branch of the Second Dawn cult, but also dealing with the consequences of excessive…inbreeding.”

Eyes went wide around the room, while some still looked confused. Abby stood suddenly, and vomited into a nearby trashcan.

“My sentiments exactly,” Clarke commented.

“Wait, isn’t the Second Dawn the bunker we stayed in? The one that belonged to Becca Pramheda?” Octavia asked.

“It didn't belong to Becca,” Clarke began. “It belonged to the cult run by Bill Cadogan, who was the successor to Becca.”

“And her murderer,” Madi continued. “He stole the flame and the nightblood from Becca Pramheda, and burned her at the stake.”

Eyes were blown wide around the room and Clarke nodded. “She saw the burning in a vision.”

“So the grounders…are a cult?” Murphy asked.

“Yep. The same cult as the crazy people that want to harvest us for our eggs and sperm,” Clarke continued, assuming that getting all the bad news out at once was a good place to start.

“Wait-“ Gaia began and Madi held up a hand. 

“Let Clarke finish with her theory, then we will ask questions,” Madi ordered with a nod to Clarke.

Clarke nodded to Madi then faced the group again, “We found the crash site of their transport ship, and found that the bodies of a man and a woman were missing from a mass grave. It was speculation at the time…but I believe that two cult members killed the crew of the transport ship, destroyed it, and left the rest of the colonists to die when the ship ran out of power.”

“And what of the people?” Madi asked.

“They tried to repopulate the human race by themselves,” Clarke finished.

“So I was right?” Bellamy asked.

“Unfortunately.”

Indra raised a hand. “I don’t understand. Why couldn’t they repopulate with only two people?”

Several heads in the room nodded.

“It’s very complicated, because it has to do with genetics,” Kane contributed. “It was something we had to address on the Ark with each new generation.”

“What is genetics?” Indra asked again.

Clarke put up a hand to silence her mother, who was about to dive into a lengthy and clinical explanation that none of the grounders in the room would understand.

“Genes are chemicals that tell your body how to be everything that it is,” Clarke began. “They control everything from what color your eyes are to whether or not you grow arms.”

Indra nodded in understanding. 

“However, there are a lot of mistakes in our genes. For example, a baby could be born without arms. It’s always a possibility, but because we get two different sets of genes from our parents, they cover up mistakes like that.”

“That makes sense.”

“The problem is that they only had two people to start with, so all of their people…are related to each other.”

Several faces paled, and Abby vomited again.

“Why is that a problem?” Indra asked.

“For example,” Clarke began. “And I’m sorry for how gross this is gonna sound. Bellamy and Octavia are siblings right? That means that they share genes. The black hair, strong jawline, and stubborn personality among other things is controlled by their genes.”

Indra nodded as a few people in the room snickered, “Understood.”

“This also means that they have the some of the same mistakes in their genes,” Clarke continued. “So if they were to have a child, that baby is more likely to be born without arms, or with some horrible disease because the genes they have don’t cover up those issues.”

“So these people have diseases and deformities?” Indra asked.

“Exactly,” Clarke said, glad that she understood. “The first two generations would be pretty okay, but when the grandchildren started breeding, then they would run into some of the really bad stuff.”

“So how are they still alive?” Dioyza asked. “It’s been two centuries. By that logic they couldn’t have survived more than one.”

Clarke glanced at her mother and Kane for a moment, “I believe that they are harvesting from their own people. Organs, bone, skin, any form of healthy tissue they can find that they can grow and use to keep themselves alive. When a baby with an issue like that is born, not everything is wrong with it. It might not have arms, but maybe it has a working heart, or eyes, and so on."

Raven turned and vomited immediately into a trash can, even Indra looked pale at this point.

“So what do they want with us?”

“I think they want us to use our genes to fix their genes,” Clarke said. “By either harvesting us for eggs and sperm, or using us as baby makers.”

The tension in the room was so thick that it could be cut with a knife, and Clarke hung her head for a moment as she cast a worried glance at Bellamy. He looked stunned, and just as pale as everyone else in the room, but he gave her a small smile as encouragement.

“We don’t know any of this for sure though,” Gaia said. “So there’s no need for us to get involved.”

Clarke wheeled around on her, “So you want to do nothing?”

“What could we possibly do?”

“We can donate eggs and sperm to help them reset their genetic pool.”

“So what?”

“I can’t believe I have to explain political strategy to you,” Clarke snapped. “We may not know for sure what they want us for, but you find that out in peace negotiations. You bring it up that we are willing to donate.”

“Who would be willing to donate?” Gaia snapped back.

“I would,” Octavia began. “I don’t want kids. So I don’t mind giving up my eggs.”

“How many donors would we need?”

Clarke glanced at Abby who thought it over, “Thirty, just to be safe. It can be either eggs or sperm.”

“It is a complicated moral issue,” Clarke said flatly, “But there are some people who would make the choice, or have a medical, or religious inclination that prevents them from having children.”

“You’re not suggesting Heda-“

“No, I’m suggesting you. Flamekeepers are bound by oath to not bear children.”

Indra nodded, “I would also donate.”

“We would want to keep the genetics as diverse as possible. So none of the donors can be related,” Abby added then looked to Clarke. “I’ll donate.”

Kane stood, “I’ll donate as well.”

“Me too.”

Her eyes met Dawson’s, and she immediately felt a touch of betrayal. It stung to know that he’d rather donate his sperm than have a child with her. Bellamy was glaring at him too, and she looked away as Echo spoke up.

“I will give.”

Abby started writing down names as several of the guards present in the room volunteered to donate. Clarke was too busy glaring at Dawson to see Bellamy come up beside her, until he put a hand on her shoulder.

“I guess I’m off the hook if O is donating,” He said. “You too.”

“Yeah. I’m glad so many people are on board.”

“Me too.”

Madi stood and the room went silent. “We will send a party to make peace, as well as confirm what they need from us and what we can give to help. We will discuss this more in the morning.”

End Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I hope to see you again whenever I post the next chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE RETURNED! Sorry guys college sucks, and I'm gonna try to be more active! BUT CHAPTER 9 IS HERE! Thank you all for the support while I was on hiatus and I hope you enjoy this new chapter!
> 
> WARNING: Explicit mentions of gross stufff. You have been warned.

“Echo,” Bellamy said as he entered the room. “We need to talk.”

She nodded, and put down the bag she was packing for the envoy trip the next day. While he closed the door behind him and crossed the room to her.

“Do you have anything you want to say to me?” He asked.

“I’m sorry,” She said. “I was trying to protect you. I didn’t think that there was any other way.”

He was a little taken aback by her admission. It wasn’t at all like her to apologize so easily.

Echo saw his reaction and smiled, “Clarke, uh…talked some sense into me.”

Bellamy nodded, “Okay. So what do you want to do now?”

“I want you back. I didn’t mean anyone any harm.”

He stared at her for a long time, and finally he turned away.

“No,” He said flatly. “You didn’t trust me enough to tell me about what you were doing. And even when you were here, you kept pushing me away; pretending like I didn’t exist. So you know what? I don’t want you back.”

“Bellamy please,” She begged him.

“I thought that you’d changed,” He began. “I thought that you finally realized that you don’t have to do things alone anymore. I thought that you saw the value of human life, but you’re still sacrificing other people so you can live.”

“I did it for you!”

“I didn’t ask you to!”

Dreadful silence blanketed the room, weighing heavily on both their shoulders. Neither spoke for a long time, until Bellamy stood and went to pack his few belongings into a bag.

“Where are you going?”

“Anywhere but here.”

*********

“Absolutely not,” Clarke began as Madi looked down on the map. “You are not going with the treaty party.”

“I agree,” Gaia added. “The leader of the Second Dawn has already expressed a specific interest in you Heda.”

“Trust goes both ways,” Madi said. “The Commanders are telling me not to be afraid.”

“What is Lexa saying?” Clarke asked as she crossed her arms.

“She isn’t saying anything.”

“Then maybe you should take some more time and seek her out.”

Madi frowned, “I’ll be fine. I’ll be surrounded by guards.”

“With primitive weapons compared to what our enemy has,” Gaia argued.

“I’m going and that is final,” Madi said sternly before stalking out of the room.

Clarke turned to Gaia, “You have to stop her.”

“The Commander’s decision is final,” Gaia said then followed Madi.

Clarke growled in frustration, and left the war room to go find Octavia for another unsanctioned mission.

“Clarke!” Bellamy’s voice caused her to whip around.

“What?” She asked, more harshly than she’d intended.

“Can I stay with you for a while? Just until I can build my own place.”

“Sure, whatever,” She replied before turning back to her search.

“Hey,” He said as he grabbed her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“I have to find a way to stop my baby from walking right into the belly of the beast,” She snapped and pulled away.

“Madi’s going? That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.”

“No kidding. But she’s the Commander, so no one will make her do any different.”

Clarke turned to go storm off to where Madi was giving orders, when Bellamy wrenched her back again.

“I know you want to stop her, but you can’t,” Bellamy said. “We’ll follow them as backup.”

“What are you talking about?”

“We’ll get Murphy and Emori in on it and go tail them,” He said. “If anything happens, we’ll be there.”

“I’m bringing Octavia,” Clarke said. “We should loop in Raven and Shaw.”

“Okay. Meet at the South Gate in an hour.”

“Deal.”

*********

Clarke watched from the scope of her rifle as the Madi’s group approached the gate with Echo in the lead. Bellamy was on the opposite side of the trail with Murphy, while Shaw was by Clarke. Octavia, Miller, and Emori were up in the trees, and Raven was on standby in the transport ship with Dioyza, Kane, and Abby just in case.

Echo brought down the cloaking and the man she’d been seen speaking to before appeared at the gate with several guards.

“Welcome!” The man began splendidly. “My name is Russel, and I am the Oracle of the Second Dawn.”

Madi nodded, “I am Commander Madi of Wonkru. We’ve come to negotiate a peace treaty.”

“Wonderful!”

“Please meet with us in the field between our villages,” Gaia spoke clearly and confidently despite the twitching of her hands. “Come unarmed, with any representatives you need. We will do the same.”

“But you’re already here! You might as well come inside and talk with us,” Russel countered.

“Absolutely not,” Gaia replied. “These are our terms.”

“How do we know that you will come unarmed?” Russel asked again.

“How do we know that you will comply with our wishes?” Madi almost snapped.

Russel laughed, a long, hearty laugh that caused Clarke’s stomach to plummet to her feet. 

“Unfortunately Commander, you’re already set foot on my land. I can’t let you leave.”

The guards began to converge on the group and Clarke fired at Russel, but a guard moved in front of him; blocking what would’ve been a sure kill. She reloaded and fired again as the rest of her group opened fire. She hit every guard that got remotely near Madi, but had to reload when Russel finally lunged for her. 

All of Madi’s guards were dead or missing, and the enemy guards turned and opened fire. Clarke dove behind cover to see that everyone else was pinned down as well, while Emori and Octavia opened fire from the trees. Clarke whipped around again to see that no one alive was left in the clearing, and Madi was gone. 

“No, no,” Clarke began as she ran for the entrance, only to be grabbed by Bellamy and Murphy. 

“We can’t, Clarke,” Bellamy said. “Not without backup.”

“Then call Raven!” She shouted and they pulled her to the side. 

“Keep your voice down!” Bellamy whisper-yelled as they pulled her out of sight and nodded to Shaw. 

“My baby’s in there. I’m going in,” Clarke said as she struggled away from them again with teary eyes. 

Octavia and Emori grabbed Clarke then, and pulled her back toward the field. 

“C’mon,” Octavia said. “We have to get into the field so Raven can pick us up.”

“No,” Clarke whined as the tears fell freely. “Don’t make me leave her.”

“We’re not leaving her, Clarke,” Bellamy said as he hugged her tightly. “But we can’t do it without you. We need you to pull it together.”

Clarke nodded as she tried to focus on her breathing, with Emori and Octavia giving her gently encouragement. Bellamy could see how her heart was warring with her head; the heart wanting to rush in and save her before it was too late, and the head saying that it was already too late. His own head was saying the same thing, but he couldn’t bring Clarke back without trying. 

Monty would kill him if he did that.

Eventually the transport ship descended into the field, and Clarke was on her feet with her game-face on. He wasn’t sure if he should try and restrain her or not.

“There’s plenty of ammo if you need it,” Raven said over the intercom as they met Kane, Abby, and Dioyza in the loading bay. 

“Is anyone injured?” Abby asked, and started treating a few bullet grazes that Murphy had. 

Clarke set her rifle in the gun stand and pulled on two holsters for handguns and pulled an automatic rifle from the rack. She loaded a small pack with plenty of ammo, even though she knew that every shot would be a kill shot.

“Clarke,” Bellamy said as he reached out to her.

She jerked away from his hand, too enveloped in her own thoughts to have heard him coming.

“Sorry,” She said quickly. “You startled me.”

“No, I’m sorry,” He said. “Can we talk for a second? It’ll take some time for Raven and Shaw to take down the cloaking.”

He saw her clutch the rifle in her hand, but nodded and sat down on the floor. He wanted to do something to comfort her, but he had no idea if everything would really be okay in the end, and lying to her wouldn’t do anything to help her. So he tried to reach out to her life before Madi was Commander.

“How did you learn to shoot so well?” He asked. “I don’t think you missed at all back there.”

“You taught me,” She said as she easily pulled apart the rifle and began to clean it. “I just had a lot of time to practice.”

Bellamy felt the nostalgia creep through him as that day replayed in his mind. Finding the supply depot, teaching her how to shoot, saving her from Dax, being pardoned. It had been a simpler time when they were just kids waiting for the adults to come back and everything would be okay again. 

Now they were the adults, coming back to protect their kids. To protect Madi.

“We’ll have to compare skills sometime,” He said. “Did Madi teach you how to fight?”

“Lexa taught me while I was in Polis,” Clarke said again, all her attention on the rifle.

Bellamy winced, Lexa nor Polis were things he wanted to bring up.

“Madi taught me how to throw knives,” Clarke said, revealing a holster around her left thigh. “We made them together.”

She pulled out a knife to show him and he flipped it in his hands. It was silver, about 23cm long and had a black cord wrapped around the handle. It was sharp and well-balanced and he could barely read the cursive etching.

“Semper Idem…?” Bellamy read aloud. “Always the same…?”

“I didn’t want her to forget her people,” Clarke said quietly as she clicked the last part of the rife back together. “But I didn’t want her to be scared of change either. She was so little at the time, and she couldn’t figure out how people were going to appear from the sky when you eventually came home. So I taught her to not be scared of change.”

Bellamy nodded in understanding and handed her the knife back. Before he could say anything else, Raven’s voice came over the PA.

“Strap on boys and girls, we got people to save.”

*********

Everyone gathered at the doors as Raven finished landing procedures and Clarke was at the forefront, while everyone else kept toward the sides.

“They’ll start shooting as soon as the door opens, Clarke!” Dioyza shouted to her.

“Fine,” Clarke replied. “Let them.”

Bellamy shook his head at Dioyza, and once the door was open enough for her to get out, she went.

The guards weren’t prepared for someone to be running right at them, and it threw them off-guard long enough for her to take out three and make a hole. She dove through the hole between the guards and disappeared from view, while Bellamy took advantage of the confusion she caused.

“Let’s go!”

They poured out from the ship and took out the rest of the guards. 

“Shaw and Miller stay with the ship! Everyone else on me!” Bellamy ordered as Shaw jogged up to him.

He forced a GPS into his hands, “I already gave one to Clarke, but follow the signals and you’ll find them.”

Bellamy nodded and began slowly leading his team into the village. They followed the signal to an old brick building, that looked far too small to hold all the people that were missing. 

Octavia kicked the door open and moved inside. The house was empty except from some simple wooden furniture and an old, faded rug. She tossed the furniture out of the way and pulled the rug back, just to see the floor.

“This thing must be wrong,” Bellamy said as he looked at the GPS. “It says they’re right below us.”

Emori was looking around too, “Maybe we’re not looking hard enough.”

She put her ear to the floor and began knocking gently on the wood, pausing every few feet to listen for an echo. Everyone was stock still until she found it, and began searching the floor with her hands for a crease, or a handle, or a hinge. Octavia knelt and began helping her, and drew her sword to pry it open. Dust erupted from the opening, and the two women spluttered as it settled around them.

Bellamy led the way in as they moved single-file down the tight staircase, rifle raised and flashlight on. The staircase ended at a door with a window, lit by fluorescent lights that flickered often. The door was locked, and Octavia easily picked the lock.

The door opened, and immediately their senses were assaulted with the worst sights and smells imaginable. Examination tables lined the room, each of them occupied with a member of Wonkru that was stripped naked and strapped to the table, with their genitals exposed. The people who had been there longer were covered in sweat and bodily fluids. The room reeked of the urine and feces that covered the floor near their beds, as well as the unmistakable smell of menstrual blood.

“Good god,” Octavia said as she choked back her own vomit.

Bellamy masked his nose with his sleeve, but the smell wasn’t going away. It was permanently burned into his memory along with the sight of this room.

“Get them up,” Bellamy said. “We have to get the hell out of here.”

Emori looked into a few closets, and found blankets and lab coats for them to cover up with, while Murphy and Octavia moved faster than he’d ever seen. 

“Any word from Clarke?” Murphy asked as he got people moving toward the staircase.

Bellamy pulled out his GPS and looked for Madi’s signal, “Madi hasn’t moved. So she might be caught up somewhere.”

“Then what the hell are you still doing here? Go get them,” Murphy said and when Bellamy didn’t immediately move. “We’re not leaving without you guys.”

Bellamy nodded and reloaded his rife, “I’ll radio if there’s a problem. Get them to the ship.”

“Yes’sir,” Murphy said with a mock salute.

*********

Clarke wove through the town and its inhabitants as she followed the GPS to Madi’s location. Anyone who dared to get in her way was dispatched quickly since she was sprinting through the streets at top speed. She picked the lock of the building Madi was in, and was immediately met with a torrent of guards. She aimed at the legs with her rifle, and the spray demolished their ranks quicker than they could return fire. She swiped a key off one of them, and continued deeper into the building.

The walls and floors were gray, with white fluorescent lighting illuminating her path forward. It reminded her far too much of Mount Weather, but she shook the memory away. There wasn’t time to have a panic attack. A stairwell allowed her to descend deeper into the building and eventually the GPS told her that she was on the same floor as Madi.

She clicked on the safety on her rifle and drew a handgun before beginning to clear the floor room by room. She found a few people; civilians who were buried in their computers and didn’t see her come in. She encouraged them to leave the building and they didn’t argue with her. She turned off the GPS as she approached the lab where Madi was, and saw though a window that she was unconscious on an examination table, with a few people in lab coats typing away on computers.

Moments passed as Clarke tried to think of a plan when a hand suddenly clasped her shoulder. She turned with a fist raised and froze when she saw Bellamy.

“Don’t do that,” She said before turning back to the screen.

“What are you doing?” Bellamy asked. “We have to get out of here.”

“Not until I figure out what they did to Madi,” Clarke replied. “Take her and go. I’ll catch up.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“Well I’m not leaving until I get this information.”

Bellamy sighed and started reading the screen over her shoulder, “Do you know what it says?”

“They were definitely messing with the Flame,” Clarke said and Bellamy felt his guilt build up in his stomach again. “But I can’t read a few lines. It’s all coded.”

“Download it and maybe Raven can figure it out,” Bellamy said. “We really need to go.”

Clarke ran her hands through her hair and downloaded the information onto a flash drive. Bellamy picked up the still-unconscious Madi, and they ran to the ship. Extra guards had already made their way there, and Clarke took them all out at the knees to make a big enough hole. Everyone else laid down suppressing fire so they could get across to the ship. Once they were inside they took off and headed for home.  
Bellamy and Clarke carried Madi to a separate room, away from where Abby was treating the captured people and laid her down.

“Hey,” Raven said as she came in the room. “Bellamy said you needed me to translate some code?”

Clarke tossed her the flash drive. “All I could figure out is that they were messing with the Flame. I need to know what they did and how to fix it.”

“On it,” Raven replied and sprinted from the room.

Clarke rested her head in her hands as she sat beside Madi’s bed, and Bellamy pulled up a chair beside her. He knew she was trying not to cry, and he reached out to put an arm around her.

“Clarke…” Bellamy began, unsure of what to say.

“We’ll fix her,” Clarke said somewhat confidently as she lifted her head. “Even if it’s not true. It’s what I need to believe right now.”

Bellamy nodded, “I believe you.”

Clarke held his gaze for a moment, then threw her arms around him.

“I don’t.”

End Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I hope you'll join me for the next chapter whenever I happen to write it!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back and we're cranking these chapters out! I told you I would finish this story and I definitely will.
> 
> For those that have been waiting patiently, thank you so much! And you should also probably thank Jason for shitting all over my dreams of Bellarke this season because that has been a lot of my inspiration recently.
> 
> I am no longer excited about Season 6, so after this fic is finished, expect me to start rewriting Jason's shitty plot. I'm sick of waiting.

It was well into the night when Bellamy found Clarke again. She had been sitting beside Madi’s unconscious form in the infirmary since she’d been brought there. He placed a bowl of stew in front of her, and Clarke smiled gently at him. 

“Thank you,” Clarke said quietly. 

“Have they figured out what’s wrong?” He asked.

Clarke shook her head and began to eat as Abby came into the room. 

“Her vitals are fine, there are no marks on her body, except for a single puncture wound into the neck,” Abby listed. “Though for safety’s sake, we should probably remove the Flame.”

“We can’t,” Clarke said. “She changed the passphrase.”

“Did she tell anyone what she changed it to?” Bellamy asked.

“She may have told Gaia,” Clarke replied, remembering why Madi had changed it. “But she didn’t tell me.”

Silence fell over the room as Abby checked a few more things before leaving. 

“Maybe Raven can figure it out,” Bellamy said after a moment, and at Clarke’s confused look added: “If the Second Dawn people found a way into the Flame, then they probably figured out the passcode and it’s in the files we took.”

Her eyes widened at the realization and then she smiled and let out a breath.

“What?” He asked.

“Nothing. I just keep forgetting how smart you are,” She replied.

Bellamy just stared at her, blinking slowly as he tried to comprehend what she’d said.

“What?” She asked.

He shook his head, “I…I’m not really.”

“If you weren’t as smart as you are, we’d all be dead.”

“Surviving is a team effort.”

“Bellamy…” Clarke groaned as she set the empty bowl aside. “Just because Raven is a genius, it doesn’t mean that she’s the only intelligent person we’ve got.”

He opened his mouth to argue with her, then closed it as he began fiddling with his sleeves. He wondered how she could focus on his self-esteem while her child lay unconscious between them. Then again, thinking about anything else was better than thinking about that.

“You’re right. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

An awkward silence fell between them until Raven came in, holding a tablet and followed by Shaw.

“They were looking for something in the Flame,” Raven said as she showed Clarke the screen.

Bellamy stood and walked around to where he could read over her shoulder. 

“William Richard Cadogan,” He read aloud.

“The Flame organizes the personalities of the people who’ve had it in their head into sub-directories,” Shaw began. “It allows the user to sort through the memories in a structured way.”

“Those Second Dawn freaks were trolling around in Cadogan and Madi’s folders,” Raven continued. “They were turning stuff on in Cadogan’s and off in Madi’s.”

Clarke’s eyes went wide as possible consequences began flooding her mind, “Then we need to get it out.”

“Did you guys find the new passcode?” Bellamy asked.

“Yeah, it’s-“

“Not important,” Madi spoke in a voice not at all like her own. “I’ve changed it, and now I live again.”

Clarke vaguely remembered the sound of Cadogan’s voice from the video Jaha had made her and Bellamy watch. It was strong and charismatic then, and now it was just creepy and deeply unsettling.

“Now,” Cadogan continued speaking through Madi as everyone else watched in horror. “It’s time to lead these people to salvation. They must be sacrificed so the pure blooded can live.”

They began to sit up, and instantly, Bellamy and Shaw were there to hold them down. They began screaming, but in Madi’s voice this time, and several people burst into the room before they could silence them.

“What is going on?” Indra asked as Murphy and Emori bowled in.

“When they took Madi, they gave one of the other Commanders control over her,” Raven summarized. 

“Then let her go,” Gaia said with a pointed look at Bellamy and Shaw.

“What?!” Clarke shouted. “He’s possessed my daughter!”

“I trust the wisdom of the Commanders,” Gaia said proudly. 

“You would let our Commander lose her mind to the Flame?” Indra asked as calmly as she could.

“The Commander will lead us in the right direction,” Gaia answered. “You cannot let your faith waver, mother.”

In an instant, Clarke was in Gaia’s face, “They should’ve left you in that dungeon. Because if you let that thing go, that’s where you’ll end up all over again.”

Gaia looked taken aback.

“Raven, Bellamy, please fix her,” Clarke said as she tried to hide her wavering tone. “I need to teach the Flame cult a lesson.”

“If you do anything to me, I’ll get rid of her forever!” Cadogan yelled again in his own voice.

Everyone in the room froze in shock and Clarke felt that her point had been made. She walked over and knocked the child out with a blow to the neck. 

“Just like with A.L.I.E,” Clarke said, pushing the memory away. “Revert the changes, then use the shock collar.”

They nodded and Clarke turned to Gaia, “I challenge you. Single combat.”

“Very well. I will show you the error of your ways, Wanheda,” Gaia sneered.

**********

Clarke shoved Gaia out of the infirmary, with Indra not far behind.

“Murphy,” Bellamy said, knowing that the other man understood what he wanted.

“Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on her,” Murphy replied. “But you guys better pull through for her.”

Murphy left the room and Shaw stood, “We need to get her to the transport ship. The computers there are powerful enough to hack in and revert the code.”

“The collars are there too,” Raven added.

“How do we get her there without being seen?” Emori asked. 

Bellamy hefted Madi into his arms, “When Clarke’s fight starts, we go.”

Raven smiled, “She’s always one step ahead of us, isn’t she?”

**********

Clarke could already see the crowd being to gather as she passed her jacket and sheath of her sword to Murphy.

The sword was as close to a katana as they could’ve gotten on an apocalyptic Earth. She’d sharpened the blade and rebound the handle with leather several times over the years, but it was still balanced as she toyed with it in her right hand.

“Woah,” Murphy began. “Where did you get that?”

“It was Lexa’s,” Clarke replied as Gaia stepped forward with a spear.

Murphy leaned in close, “You remember that Flamekeepers train Commanders right?”

“I’ve been trained by two Commanders, and Octavia, who sparred with Gaia all the time in the bunker,” Clarke said. “I can’t lose this.”

A horn sounded, and Murphy could hear the double meaning behind her words. 

“Give ‘em hell, Clarke,” He said with as much encouragement as he could.

Clarke cast a glance at the infirmary where Emori was looking out at the crowd.

“People of Wonkru!” Gaia called to the crowd. “Today we will vanquish the traitor that seeks to take our Commander from us!”

“You’re wrong, Flamekeeper!” Clarke shouted back, attempting to channel some of Bellamy’s bravado. “It’s true that I don’t want my daughter to lead at such a young age.”

The crowd roared, and Clarke couldn’t tell if they were with or against her.

“But I believe in the future we make for ourselves! Not one that is dictated to us by old technology and even older traditions!” Clarke shouted. 

The crowd cheered again as Clarke caught a glance of Bellamy and the others rushing Madi to the ship. 

“You and your traditions are archaic,” Clarke said again, pointing her sword at Gaia. “So I’ll use them to show you the error of your ways.”

Gaia snarled, and another blow of the horn started their battle.

**********

Bellamy could hear the crowd cheering as they sprinted across the clearing to where Dioyza and Abby were waiting.

“Take her in the back,” Dioyza ordered. “Dawson! Reves! Archie! Don’t let anyone in!”

Dawson and Bellamy shared a glance for a moment, before Raven was pulling him away.

He laid Madi down on the exam table and let Raven, Shaw, and Abby go to work.

“I got the collar!” Emori said breathlessly as she burst into the room. 

“It’ll take us a while to fix the code,” Raven began. “What the hell is going on out there?”

Emori smiled, “Clarke is channeling her inner Bellamy.”

Bellamy rubbed his face with his hand and Raven chuckled.

“Damn. I’d pay to see that.”

**********

Clarke was easily able to dodge the blows of Gaia’s spear; deflecting with her sword and easily pivoting and ducking away.

She sent a silent ‘thank you’ to Wells for teaching her how to dance.

Clarke was trying to keep her distance, hoping that Gaia would be stupid enough to throw it at her.

But that would be too good to be true. 

Gaia yelled and moved well into the range of Clarke’s sword. A few blocks and one strong from her right arm caused the spear to go clattering to the ground. Clarke kicked Gaia in the chest and set her sprawling as she scooped up the spear with her left hand, and drove it hard into the joint of Gaia’s right shoulder.

Clarke stepped back as Gaia stopped struggling; the spear sticking straight up in the air. 

“This is the start of a new future! A new people!” Clarke declared and the people cheered. “But the only way to change people, is for them to live to see it.”

Clarke looked back to Gaia, “You will not die today. But you have lost an arm for your short-sightedness. With the other, you will begin this change that you so desperately resist.”

**********

Bellamy watched in shock as the crowd parted to revel Clarke shoving an injured Gaia toward the ship.

“With this, we break the cycle,” Was all Clarke said, and the people that flanked her cheered.

Bellamy followed them to the room where Madi still lay unconscious and was silent as Clarke pushed Gaia to her knees. 

The woman’s eyes were wide as tears flowed freely from them. Her shoulder was still bleeding profusely, and Bellamy didn’t need a medical degree to know that Gaia was close to going into shock.

Clarke took the collar from Emori and placed it around Madi’s neck, and took the controller from Raven and put it in Gaia’s hand.

“Done,” Shaw said as he turned away from the screen. “Madi should be back in control.”

Madi stirred slightly, and Clarke lowered her head next to Gaia’s ear. 

“It’s okay to be scared,” Clarke told her. “But this is a new beginning for you. For everyone. Don’t you want to be a part of that change?”

Gaia didn’t say anything, but hung her head and pulled the trigger. Madi’s body convulsed like a dying fish for a few moments, before Clarke took Gaia’s hand off the device. 

“Thank you Gaia,” Clarke said before nodding to Abby and Jackson, who hurried her to the infirmary.

Clarke moved to take the collar off, and made a small incision on the back of Madi’s neck. A familiar metallic ooze leaked out of the cut and dripped onto the table.

She let out a long breath and collapsed onto her knees beside the table.

“Clarke?” Bellamy asked as he appeared at her side. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

Clarke took a deep breath and let it go again. “I think I’m okay.”

She leaned into him and he went completely still for a moment, before putting his arms around her. 

“Why isn’t she waking up?” Emori asked. 

“Injuries to the brain are often severe,” Clarke summarized. “She just needs time.”

“Can we move her?” Bellamy asked.

Clarke raised an eyebrow at Bellamy and he gave her a stern look.

“You need sleep, in a bed and not a chair. So that means she’s coming home with us because I can’t convince you to leave her side.”

Clarke chuckled, “As long as we don’t jostle her too much.”

Bellamy smiled back at her, “Then let’s go home.”

**********

“What do we do now, sir?” A guard asked as they surveyed the carnage before them.

Russel’s eyes raked over the gaping hole in the wall, and the men he’d lost. Most of them weren’t dead, except for those that had been guarding the child. He recovered quickly from it and smiled to himself. They were expendable after all. The deformed had no place in doing anything other than dying.

A wry chuckle escaped him. Grabbing the Commander and her guards had seemed like a good plan at the time, but he hadn’t expected the swift, and sudden wrath of her people to come crashing down. But he had to put faith in his backup plan. It had to work.

So much had gone wrong for them. The Elligus III colony wasn’t supposed to suffocate in space. They weren’t supposed to be reduced to a society that harvested their own people just to survive. They weren’t supposed to die out before the last of the human race. 

They weren’t doctors, or geneticists, or pharmacologists. Everything they’d accomplished, they had figured out by accident. 

It was luck that had gotten them this far. 

And Russel knew that he couldn’t face his father or his grandfather if he’d failed here.

“Prepare a party for tomorrow at midday. No one is to be armed,” Russel began. “Our fate will be decided then.”

It had to work.

**********

Bellamy carefully tucked Madi in Clarke’s bed, while Clarke dragged out the spare mattress.

“I’m surprised you decided to come with us tomorrow,” Bellamy said after a moment.

Clarke glanced up from where she was fluffing pillows, “I wanted to stay with Madi. But Miller and Octavia and Murphy demanded I go.”

“Why?”

“They’re nervous about going to war again.”

“And they want you to advocate for peace,” Bellamy said dryly, not intending for it to sound so mean.

Clarke sat down on the mattress with him and sighed, “I get it. I went a little crazy today. But I’ve never wanted to go to war.”

Bellamy hung his head. He knew that after everything they’d gone through, Clarke had always advocated for peace. 

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m just not sure if you should be leading the negotiations.”

“I’m not, you are. I’m aware of my impulsiveness, so I’m coming to support you.”

Bellamy found himself at a loss for words as he kicked off his boots, turning his back to her.

Clarke sighed and leaned her back against his, “You’ve always had my back.”

“Not always.”

“Every time I wondered how the hell we’re going to save everyone, you were there to support me. Now it’s my turn to support you.”

Bellamy turned, and pulled Clarke down onto the bed with him, nuzzling into the back of her shoulder. He could feel his exhaustion getting the better of him, and he finally felt like he could let it out. 

Clarke felt it too and let him hold her for a few moments. She sat up, and stripped down to her tank top and panties before pulling the covers back up over both of them.

“You’re not going to share with Madi?” He asked.

“Last I checked you’re the one that grabbed me,” She replied.

“It’s called a hug, Clarke.”

They both chuckled at his joke, and they both significantly relaxed.

“I can if you want me to.”

“…No.”

Bellamy pulled off his pants and shirt before he rolled next to Clarke.

“Who’s watching Madi tomorrow?” Bellamy asked; it’d keep him from sleeping if he didn’t know.

“Octavia, Miller, Dioyza, and some of her men,” Clarke mumbled.

She was still facing away from him, but he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to her again, and pulling her against him. It took her a moment to relax again, and they both welcomed the blackness of sleep.

End Chapter 10


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I have returned! I present my undergrad thesis next week so I will soon have more time to write and finish up this fic hopefully before S6 starts!
> 
> I am now painfully aware that my guesses for the season were not at all correct. So I'm hoping some of the more abstract stuff will come through. 
> 
> Speaking of S6, I have no idea what to think. I'm just going to continue to stan Clarke like I always do. Also, I don't want Madi to be hurt. Ugh I hate the Flame.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! Thank you all for hanging in with me and all your support!

It was the first time in a while that Clarke had woken to a warm presence against her back. Her groggy mind first assumed it was Dawson, but the bitter truth surfaced not too long after. 

“C’mon Clarke,” Bellamy groaned into her hair. “It’s too early for you to be thinking this hard.”

Right.

Bellamy was staying with her because he’d broken up with Echo, and Madi was asleep in her bed up above because they’d just removed the mind-controlling Flame from her head.

Clarke rolled over and stared at Bellamy. Who was definitely awake, but was keeping his eyes closed. 

“Forgive me if I forget who’s sleeping next to me,” Clarke said as she snuggled closer to him. “Especially considering how I’ve never shared a bed with you before.”

Bellamy smirked, then opened his eyes, “I know. Maybe we should do it more often.”

“Really Bellamy?” Clarke asked as her frustration grew. “We have to go stop a war today-“

“I know,” He said gently, effectively silencing her. “But I want you to know, that when this is over…I want a chance with you. A real chance to be with you.”

Clarke didn’t have to think about it, “I want that too.”

It wasn’t long after the words left her lips, that Bellamy’s lips crashed into hers. When they finally pulled back, they were both breathless.

“Good,” He said.

“Good,” She agreed.

“Good,” Came a third voice from above.

Clarke glanced up and saw Madi smiling wickedly down at them. The older woman scrambled to her feet, and leapt up to hug her daughter.

“Oh Madi…” Clarke cooed as she pulled Madi into a sitting position. “Are you alright? How do you feel?”

“I’m okay, Clarke,” Madi replied with a small smile as Clarke proceeded to check every inch.

“Do you remember anything from yesterday?” Bellamy asked as he leaned on the edge of the loft bed.

“Kinda,” Madi replied with a nervous look. “Do I want to know?”

Clarke and Bellamy shared a glance, and Clarke answered her. “I don’t think you want to know, but we should tell you anyway.”

Bellamy nodded, “One of the Second Dawn colony gave one of the other Commanders the ability to control you. It was like something out of a horror movie.”

“To stop it, we had to destroy the Flame,” Clarke finished.

“How?” Madi asked. “I didn’t tell anyone the passcode.”

“I had to zap it out,” Clarke answered. “Shaw figured out the passcode, but I wasn’t going to let the Flame survive to hurt someone else.”

Bellamy blinked a few times in surprise, “So we could’ve just taken it out?”

Clarke nodded, “But if the Flame can be manipulated like that, it shouldn’t exist.”

“I agree,” Madi said solemly. “Thank you, Clarke.”

“Thank Shaw and Raven too when you see them,” Clarke said then looked to Bellamy. “We need to get going.”

Bellamy nodded and Madi raised an eyebrow in confusion, “Where are you going?”

“We’re going to see if the Second Dawn cult shows up to your meeting,” Bellamy said as he began to dress. 

Madi tried to get out of bed, “I should be there.”

“You’re not in charge anymore, Madi,” Clarke said gently. “Indra is until we can hold an election. Bellamy and I are only going as negotiators.”

“I want to help,” Madi said, feeling defeated. 

“Madi, being in charge isn’t the only way you can help people,” Bellamy said softly as Clarke climbed down to get dressed. “And the only way you can help us right now, is to stay here and stay safe.”

Madi huffed and began to pout, and Bellamy ran a hand through his hair.

“Madi,” Clarke began, “I could give some long speech about everything I went through. But you already know all those details. Do you want to live that kind of a life? Or do you want time to be a kid?”

Bellamy marveled at how stern Clarke was being, but also at how gentle her words were at the same time.

“Most people don’t get to make that choice for themselves,” Clarke said as someone knocked at the door. “Choose wisely, because once you do, you can’t change your mind.”

The child looked down and began to play with her hands. It didn’t take her long to answer.

“I want to be a kid.”

Octavia and Miller entered the room and Clarke flashed her daughter a big smile. 

“Then we’ll see you later,” Clarke said sweetly. “If you’re good for Octavia, I’ll teach you how to ride Sniffer.”

“Okay,” Madi said as she hugged Clarke and then Bellamy. “Come back safe.”

“We will, Madi,” Bellamy replied before releasing Madi and following Clarke out the door.

Once it was closed behind them, Madi broke into a wicked smile, which Octavia and Miller returned.

“Did Bellamy sleep here?” Octavia asked.

Madi nodded, “In the same bed with Clarke. And! They kissed this morning!"

Octavia and Miller shared a knowing glance.

“So who won the bet?”

***********

The group of guards that were assigned to protect them, along with Murphy and Emori was waiting at the gate when Clarke and Bellamy arrived.

“Do you have any other secret motives I should know about before we go?” Bellamy asked as he gripped Clarke’s arm tightly.

“I want Russel to be punished in some way, but I’m not going to do anything,” Clarke said. “I’m following you. I won’t do anything without your permission.”

Bellamy nodded and released her arm, “Okay. Stay close.”

“Right.”

The pair approached their group and Indra waved them off. Bellamy was handed a rifle by Emori, and when Murphy offered one to Clarke, she declined.

“How do I advocate for peace and trust while holding a gun?” Was all she said. 

Murphy broke into a small smile as he strapped the weapon to his back.

“You sure, Clarke?” Emori asked. “You’re easily the best shot here.”

“These are peace talks, not war talks,” Clarke said sternly. 

Bellamy took the rifle off his back and handed it back to Emori, “She’s right. Hang onto them for us. Just in case.”

“Yes sir.”

Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a glance before he turned to address the group.

“Let’s move out!”

“You heard the man, let’s move!” Murphy added.

“Murphy, what the hell?” Emori asked. 

“Oh c’mon, let me enjoy it while it lasts,” Murphy answered.

The walk was uneventful as they approached the field. Clarke checked the suns to see how close it was to midday. 

“We’ll wait an hour,” Bellamy told the group. “If they don’t show, then we return to camp and put it on lockdown.”

Clarke sat down in the grass, trying to let the warm sun on her skin attempt to calm her nerves.

“They have to come,” Emori was saying as Clarke gave in and laid out. “Wouldn’t they come to see if their plan worked?”

“How’s the hobbit doing anyway?” Murphy asked as he sat next to Clarke.

“She woke up this morning with no memory of what happened when they took her,” Clarke answered as she closed her eyes.

Murphy whistled, “Damn. Of everything that could’ve happened, we got lucky. I take it you told her anyway?”

“How-“

“You totally would.”

Clarke conceded the argument and yawned, “She also doesn’t want to be a leader anymore.”

“Wow. What’d you do?”

“I think she finally realized how important it is to be a kid.”

“Yeah. I had a talk with her about that too.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes, “When?”

“Not long after you moved into the forest by yourself,” Murphy answered.

Bellamy saw the distressed expression on Clarke’s face, and sat beside her.

“I’m just glad she’s not here,” Clarke said as she leaned on Bellamy’s shoulder. “Mount Weather broke me. This could do the same to her just as easily.”

Bellamy gently rubbed her side, and Emori and Murphy exchanged a surprised look.

“So…what-“ Murphy began and was promptly cut off.

“Movement at the tree line!”

Bellamy and Murphy leapt to their feet, and helped Clarke up.

“Lower your weapons!” Bellamy ordered the guards. “Only fire if fired upon, and even then we shoot to wound, not kill.”

“Yes sir!”

The group that emerged from the opposite forest was of about twenty people –double the size of their group.

“If this gets ugly, we’re not gonna win this,” Murphy said as Emori looked through some bionculars.

“We won’t need to,” Emori said as she passed the tool to Bellamy. “They’re completely unarmed.”

The guards with them stopped and knelt on the ground, as Russel and a woman they’d never seen continued toward the center of the meadow.

“Just Clarke and I will go,” Bellamy replied. “Have everyone kneel as well. Use the grass to conceal your scopes and watch them.”

“Be careful,” Murphy and Emori said in unison.

Bellamy began helping Clarke down the steep hill that they’d been waiting on. Even though she clearly didn’t need his help, she took his hand anyway and let him keep her steady. Not only was it a sweet gesture that would humanize them in the eyes of their enemies, but it also presented them as a united front. 

Which was something they hadn’t been in a long time.

“Greetings,” Russel began. “I believe you are already familiar with me, but allow me to introduce my wife, Evelynn.”

“It is nice to meet you,” Evelynn said politely.

They both were sickly sweet in their introductions and it unnerved Clarke to no end.

“My name is Bellamy, and this is Clarke,” He began confidently, careful not to divulge any information that could be used against them. “Why don’t you start by telling us why we should make peace with you people?”

Russel ignored him as he looked around the meadow, “Is your Commander not going to join us?”

“Our Commander has abdicated her throne, and is recovering from having your program removed from her head,” Bellamy replied sternly. “You are negotiating with me.”

It was the first time Clarke had seen Russel without a smile plastered on his face. It was almost as creepy as him grinning all the time. Evelynn’s smile was also gone.

“You’ve doomed our people,” He said lowly.

“Your ancestors doomed you,” Clarke cut in. “And you only dug your grave deeper by taking our people.”

Evelynn flinched, but Russel held her gaze.

“And if you try it again, we will slaughter you and your people,” Bellamy added.

“Or we can wait for you all to die out,” Clarke said with a shrug.

Russel was silent, and Evelynn was watching her husband carefully. 

“We are your only chance at survival,” Clarke said. “Your plans have all failed. So you better give us a damn good reason if you want us to save you.”

“Russel, love, please reason with them,” Evelynn asked.

Russel continued to not speak, refusing to look at anyone, but his eyes were cloudy. 

“What would it take?” Evelynn asked, stepping forward to stand next to her husband. 

“He needs to step down, and your people need to completely disarm,” Bellamy said with a glance at Clarke. “Once lives are longer in danger, we can negotiate a real peace treaty.”

Russel maintained his silence as Evelynn grew more and more frantic.

“What is so difficult about this, Russel?” She was telling him. 

“Pride,” Clarke said simply. “It’s always pride.”

Bellamy could see the haunted look in her eyes. He knew that she was back at the standoff at Mount Weather again.

After several more minutes of silence, Bellamy let out a breath.

“Let’s go Clarke. We can’t save people who don’t want to be saved.”

Clarke nodded, and with a look at Evelynn said: “Are you his partner? Or his wife?”

Clarke didn’t wait for a reply before turning away. She took Bellamy’s hand again as they walked back up the hill.

“They don’t want help,” Bellamy said. “Put the village on high alert.”

“Yes sir.”

***********

When they got back to the village, Bellamy was immediately pulled away by Indra to brief her on the meeting. So Clarke resolved to head to the infirmary, and help where she could.

She took a moment to brace herself before entering.

The sounds of sobbing and screaming filled her ears the second she stepped through the doorway. 

Several of the pregnant women that were brought back were in tears, from both the physical and emotional pain associated with their pregnancies. The men were sitting on exam tables, staring into the distance with haunted eyes and silent tears.

Her mother sat on a stool in the back, barely obscured from view by the curtain as she cried into Kane’s shoulder.

One of the women, her name was Camilla, waived to get Clarke’s attention, and she made her way over.

“Is my fight over, Wanheda?” The woman asked her.

Clarke couldn’t help but flinch at the old name, but she knew that it didn’t bear the same meaning. The people considered her not a perpetrator of death anymore, but more of a guide, a crone that would show them how to not be afraid of the end. Clarke still hated being associated with death, but she much preferred this new definition to the old.

“Perhaps,” Clarke replied as she looked over Camilla’s stomach. “But you are young, and strong. I believe that you will pull through.”

Camilla was approaching the nine month mark, which meant that she could give birth any day. She wasn’t older than twenty, younger than Clarke, and judging by the fear in her eyes and the strain on her body, twenty might be as far as she goes. Tears welled up in Camilla’s eyes. She wasn’t even a woman. She was still a child. A child being forced to bear her own child from a man she never knew.

“My chosen won’t look at me,” She said again as the tears began flowing freely. “Because I bear the child of another.”

Clarke felt her heart break all over again for this girl.

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Clarke offered. “I can make him see reason.”

“He will not,” She continued. “I am tainted.”

“You aren’t. You are someone who was taken advantage of,” Clarke said immediately. “There isn’t anything wrong with you.”

“Then why does it hurt so much?” She sobbed.

Clarke looked her over again, and found that she was bleeding from her opening.

“Abby!” Clarke called as an apprentice also ran over. “Get me water and towels.”

“What’s happening?” Abby asked as she rushed over.

“The baby’s coming,” Clarke replied. 

That was enough to put her mom into doctor-mode, “Okay. Go instruct her, I can handle things here.”

“Got it.”

Kane came out as well, and offered to hold Camilla’s hand, to which the girl agreed.

“I don’t want to die alone,” She said quietly.

“You are strong, Camilla,” Kane said to her. “Stay strong and you will not die today.”

Clarke held Camilla’s other hand and gave her the instructions as her mother called them out. It didn’t help that Camilla was already fatigued from crying, so when it came time to push, she found it insanely difficult to do.

“The pain will lessen once the baby is out,” Kane told her gently. “You need to try and push Camilla.”

"Wanheda," Camilla said. "Will you take him as your own?"

"Of course," Clarke replied. "But you need to push so we can meet him."

The poor girl was screaming louder and louder the further out the baby came. Minutes quickly turned into hours of hysterical screaming and crying. Jackson had arrived soon after the screaming began and he and Abby were up to their elbows in blood. Clarke was also certain that her and Kane’s hands were broken, if not bruised.

After about six hours the baby was out, and Camilla’s hand was limp in Clarke’s. Both mother and child were covered with a cloth.

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” Kane said quietly. 

Clarke couldn’t even bring herself to repeat the words as Kane went over and said the same to the child.

Aside from that, no one in the room spoke, and Clarke chose not to acknowledge the tears on her face. 

She was tired of innocents dying. She was tired of fighting just to survive.

She was so goddamn tired.

Clarke didn’t even notice when Bellamy came in, or when her mother said she had to go talk to Indra. She just staring at the cloth-wrapped bodies.

“Clarke?” Bellamy asked, eventually cutting through her trance.

He was wrapping a damp cloth around her hand, and was wearing worry like it was the season’s top fashion pick.

She opened her mouth to speak, but only choked noises came out as fresh tears rolled down her face.

Bellamy finished tying the bandage and picked Clarke up. Normally she’d demand to be put down -she didn’t like being carried- but she just leaned into him and quietly cried. He brought her to the tree that had been made into the Commander’s house. Octavia and Miller had relocated Madi there earlier, but now Raven, Shaw, Murphy, Emori, and Jordan were there as well.

Everyone watched as Bellamy immediately headed upstairs with Clarke and laid her in a bed. She let him take her clothes off and tuck her in before he stripped and joined her. He pulled her to him as she tried to control her breathing, and pressed feathered kisses to the top of her head. She’d seen this happen before, but he couldn’t understand why this was so traumatizing for her.

Even while disoriented, Clarke was able to read his mind.

“She didn’t want the baby. She wanted me to raise it for her, but-“

“You got your hopes up,” Bellamy finished as the understanding set in.

“I-I…I’m not sure if I can have kids. Because of all the radiation, so I wanted-“

“Shh…” Bellamy cooed as he rubbed her back and shoulders. “It’s okay, Clarke.”

And he repeated it to her over and over again, holding and soothing her as she cried.

The suns were just below the horizon when Clarke finally fell asleep and Bellamy almost missed the quiet knock on the bedroom door. He got up to answer it. 

It was Murphy, “Come down when you can. The lady from the field is here.”

Bellamy cast one last look at Clarke and pressed a kiss to her forehead and pulling on a shirt and pants.

“Oh, and by the way, that Finn-wannabe is here too,” Murphy said as Bellamy closed the door behind him.

“Go get Indra,” Bellamy said, already aggravated. “She needs to hear what this woman has to say.”

“And Dawson?”

“Tell him to take a long walk off a short cliff.”

“Gladly.”

***********

Bellamy tried to shake off the sadness that had been radiating from Clarke, and keep an open mind, but the thirteen steps down into the living room weren’t enough to get his head in the right space.

Evelynn stood to greet him, “Thank you for seeing me Bellamy. I saw what happened to that mother and her child. I’m so sorry.”

Bellamy simply nodded at her. It was too easy to respond with malice at the moment.

“I came to tell you that Russel has passed,” She said shakily as she wiped away a tear. “Since I was his wife, I am now in control of our colony.”

“So you came here, by yourself, with no guards?” Octavia asked suspiciously.

“My people, as they are now, are going to die,” Evelynn said simply. “There is no way to save them. But I want there to be a future for their children.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Abby said as she entered the room with Indra.

While Evelynn greeted them, Bellamy turned to Madi, “Go crawl in with your mom. She shouldn’t be alone right now.”

He expected Madi to fight him like she often did, but she just gave him a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and a “goodnight” before scampering upstairs.

“I apologize for what my people have done,” Evelynn was saying to Indra. “But we need your help.”

“I’m not sure we can,” Abby replied.

End Chapter 11


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I won't lie to y'all. I have no idea what I'm writing anymore. The next chapter will be the last, and it will come out before 6x01 premieres. Promise.
> 
> Thank you to all who are still with me. I love you all.
> 
> ~Pookles

“I believe that your DNA is too damaged to produce viable offspring,” Abby explained as Evelynn sat back down.

“Why is that?” Evelynn asked.

“The mother died from extensive blood loss, due to her complicated pregnancy,” Abby said as clinically as she could. “But the child had not grown a left arm, a left lung, and a heart.”

Everyone in the room was justifiably horrified and Jordan had excused himself; likely to go vomit in the bathroom.

“I understand,” Evelynn said quietly.

“If we were here one hundred years ago, maybe we could’ve helped,” Abby said again. “But there’s nothing we can do, and your people have traumatized ours for no reason.”

“I’m so sorry,” Evelynn said, looking utterly defeated. “How do I tell my people that they’re all going to die?”

Bellamy was silent. It was something he never had to do himself. Clarke had always been the one to tell the people about the end of the world.

“You have two choices,” Clarke’s voice cut through the silence of the room. “You can not tell them, and wait for them to rebel and start killing each other when they start dying off. Or you can tell them, and do everything in your power to help them make peace with it before they die.”

Evelynn hung her head, then met Clarke’s eyes again. “Very well.”

“If there are things your people want to do, but you are unable to provide, we would be willing to help if it is within our power,” Clarke finished as she went to go stand by Bellamy.

“May I ask a favor, already?” Evelynn asked.

Clarke nodded. 

“Will you preside over the last funeral? In case I am not there to do it.”

“Yes.”

“It doesn’t have to be you, Clarke,” Bellamy said gently.

“It’s okay,” Clarke said quietly. “Maybe this way, I can start making up for some of what I’ve done.”

Bellamy stood up and pulled Clarke into his arms.

“You don’t have to,” He mumbled into her hair.

She pushed him away, “Yes. I do.”

Clarke stepped around Bellamy to face Evelynn.

“You are welcome to stay in the village tonight,” Clarke said with a glance at Indra. “In the morning I will return to your people with you, so we can begin.”

“Clarke!” Bellamy exclaimed.

“Thank you, Clarke,” Evelynn said as she grasped Clarke’s hands. “My people don’t deserve your kindness.”

Clarke simply nodded and went back upstairs to collapse into bed. 

She was tired again, but she was also wired. There was finally a way for her to do right by people who needed her. A way to make up for it all.

She let out a sigh as the relief washed over her, and with it, came sleep.

************

Clarke woke in the morning to clanging dishes, and saw that the sun still had yet to rise. She pulled herself out of bed, and noticed that the covers beside her were rumpled, but no one was there. She put on a long-sleeve shirt and cargo pants with her boots. She packed a bag with extra clothes, a spare handgun, and ammo.

She walked downstairs and into the kitchen to fill her canteen, and wiped the sleep from her eyes. She took a long drink from it and then refilled it before going to sit on the couch.

She closed her eyes for a few minutes to think through how they could even begin to tell those people. When she opened them, there was a plate of eggs and ham in front of her. 

Her eyes followed the hand up an arm to see Bellamy holding the plate out to her. 

“We need to talk,” He said as she took the plate and he sat down near her. 

She let out a sigh and began to eat, content to let him voice his concerns first.

“All those people have known is death,” Bellamy said. “You can’t trust them to not try and do the same to you.”

“I think they’ll understand,” Clarke replied.

“Clarke, every interaction we’ve had with them has been them trying to use us,” Bellamy continued. “What makes you think they’ll understand?”

“Bellamy this is something they’ve been dealing with for a while,” Clarke said. “If they haven’t thought the end was near before this, then they’re either stupid or delusional.”

“And you don’t think they’re either,” Bellamy replied.

Clarke nodded and silence blanketed the room for a few minutes as she continued eating.

“That’s a lot of trust to put in these people,” Bellamy said again. “I still don’t understand why you want to go.”

Clarke sighed and put her plate aside, “Before we were sent to the ground on Earth, my mom told me to take care of myself and not worry about anyone else. I think we all know by now that I’m incapable of doing that.”

Bellamy chuckled, “Do you even remember the last time you did something for you?”

“I moved into the forest, alone,” Clarke said, finally meeting his gaze. “I did that for me. Other than that…the only other time was when I left after Mount Weather.”

“I don’t understand why you did that either,” Bellamy replied.

Clarke took a shaky breath, “I hate myself, Bellamy. When I left after Mount Weather, I thought I would die. When I left the village here, I thought I would find peace in being truly alone. This time, if I go and try to help these people…maybe I can hate myself a little less.”

“You don’t have to torture yourself like this Clarke,” Bellamy said. “Wasn’t six years enough?”

“I don’t think it’ll ever be enough,” Clarke replied.

Bellamy sat next to her and put an arm around her. 

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I’m going, but this time I’ll come back.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I will.”

“I’m coming with you. So that if you can’t come back, you won’t be alone this time.”

“Bell-“

“Please Clarke. When I found out that you were alive, I didn’t believe it until I held you. And then, all I felt was the guilt for not trying to get back sooner. For not figuring out that you were alive.”

“That’s not your fault Bellamy,” Clarke told him. “I don’t even know how I survived it, and I got hit by the death wave.”

She lifted the shirt on her back slightly to show some of the scarring from the flames.

“I always wondered why you didn’t have candles in your house,” He said, connecting the dots.

Bellamy squeezed her again, “I’m still coming with you.”

“I just said-“

“You can’t tell me how to feel, Clarke,” Bellamy said. “If I say I feel guilty, you don’t get to decide that I don’t. I’m coming with you.”

Clarke hung her head, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” He told her. “I just want you to understand that there are people who don’t hate you, even if you hate yourself.”

Clarke scooted onto Bellamy’s lap and put her arms around his neck, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Clarke,” He replied then pulled back so he could look her in the eye. “But just know that if you want me in your life, then that means we do stupid shit together.”

Clarke laughed, and leaned on him, “Okay. You can pick the stupid thing next time.”

“I already have ideas,” He replied with a chuckle of his own.

************

They made their way across the field with no issues, but as they entered the forest, several guards ran in their direction with an assortment of injuries and missing armor. Some had their deformities laid bare for them to see.

“Lady Evelynn! You’ve returned!” One of the guards called.

“What happened?” She asked as she looked over them.

“It’s the people, milady,” The guard replied. “They’re dying, and some have been hysterically attacking others.”

Clarke felt the dread chill her, and she reached for Bellamy’s hand. He took it in his and pulled her closer, while his other hand rested atop his gun holster.

“I’m glad you’re here,” She said quietly.

“Me too,” Bellamy replied.

Despite their hushed voices, it still drew the attention of the guards.

“Are they going to help us?”

“Someone prepare the lab!”

“No,” Evelynn said sternly stopping the guards in their tracks. “They are not to be harmed. Gather everyone in the village center, I have an announcement to make.”

“Yes milady,” A guard replied and they ran back toward the village.

Evelynn turned back toward Bellamy and Clarke and let out a breath, “I guess there will already be some funerals to prepare for.”

She turned and started for the village again, and Clarke took a deep breath as she squeezed Bellamy’s hand tighter.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asked.

Clarke nodded, “Yeah. I’m sure.”

They walked hand-in-hand into the village and stared at the carnage before them. 

Bodies littered the ground, bloody and dismembered with lacerations and bullet holes. The smell of decomposition and blood hung in the air, strong enough to make a weaker person vomit. 

Clarke drew her weapon and Bellamy did as well as they approached; they let go of each other’s hands, but still stayed close.

“Is the village secure?” Evelynn asked one of the guards.

“Yes, milady,” The guard replied. “But who knows how long the rest of the people will stay calm.”

“How many did we lose?”

“Thirty-six, milady,” The guard answered. “Forty-two if you include the children that expired since your departure.”

Evelynn nodded, “Please gather the remaining people.”

She led Bellamy and Clarke to the center of the village, and brought them up onto a stage that was there for town meetings. There was a podium and chairs behind it, where Bellamy and Clarke were encouraged to sit and wait, while Evelynn stood at the podium.

Slowly the people began to gather, and the guards began to pull the bodies out of sight. Clarke tried to steady her nerves, while Bellamy’s eyes flickered around the clearing, always searching for threats. 

Their hands were firmly clasped together again, and they stayed that way when Evelynn began to speak.

“Thank you all for coming today,” Evelynn began, projecting her voice well to the crowd. “I have called you here today to discuss our future, and how we are lacking one.”

Surprised gasps rippled through the crowd and Evelynn held up a hand to silence the whispers.

“Unfortunately, the other colony that has landed on this planet is unable to help us. Our DNA is too damaged for theirs to preserve ours,” Evelynn continued. “We know this because the first mixed DNA child born, was born dead. Without a heart, a lung, and an arm. Even with the DNA of these people, we are doomed.”

Silence blanketed the clearing and Clarke gripped Bellamy’s hand tighter as the audience began to notice their presence.

“These people have come to help us, to learn of us and our history. So even if we are unable to preserve our legacy, we will not be forgotten,” Evelynn continued. “They are here to help us. So please show them the utmost respect as they walk with us to the end of our fight.”

The audience was still staring at them, and Clarke had the sudden urge to run.

“The fault lies with our ancestors, who let their fanatical beliefs override their better judgement!” Evelynn shouted. “Let us do now what they couldn’t! Let us die as better people than they were, and be remembered as such.”

Evelynn turned away from the podium and said something to the guards before approaching Clarke and Bellamy.

“We will burn the bodies at sunset. Will you each preside over a pyre for us?” Evelynn asked.

“I will,” Clarke said. “What do you need me to do?”

“Keep a silent vigil until the pyre burns out,” Evelynn replied. 

“I will stay by Clarke,” Bellamy replied. “I won’t lie to you. I don’t trust your people not to hurt us, so I’m going to keep guard for Clarke.”

Evelynn nodded, “I understand. Thank you both.”

************

Clarke was given a high-neck, black robe to wear that bared her shoulders and back but covered everything down to her boots. A woman painted obscure symbols on her skin with a red paint, and dusted around her eyes with gold. Her hair was left alone, save for a black veil that hung over her face, and down to just above her chest.

When the woman left their cottage, Bellamy came in and took his sweet time looking her over. 

“Well?” Clarke asked, purposely not turning to look in the giant mirror behind her.

“You look like you’re getting married to Hades,” He commented. “Is it heavy?”

“No,” Clarke replied. “I’m freezing though. I’m not allowed to wear underwear under this thing.”

Bellamy cast his eyes to the pile of discarded clothes on the bed and noted that her undergarments did top the pile.

“Are you ready?” He asked, moving his eyes back to her. “For all the technology, I didn’t think that their culture would be so…primitive.”

“Yeah,” Clarke replied. “Though rituals surrounding death have always been spiritual with their meanings.”

“Fair point.”

Clarke stepped away from the mirror, but turned to look in it. She felt her heart lurch and put up a hand to cover her mouth.

“What’s wrong?” Bellamy asked, as he immediately moved to her side.

“When, when I thought about what Wanheda should look like…” Clarke began. 

“Was this it?”

“It was pretty close. Dark, regal, bloody.”

Bellamy pulled her into a hug, careful not to disturb the drying paint on her skin.

“Hey, it’s okay,” He told her. “You’re not that person anymore. We’re doing this whole thing so you can finally put Wanheda to rest.”

She nodded and let him hold her for another minute before pulling away, “You’re right.”

He looked her over again and smiled, “Only you can make cultist ritual-wear look good, Clarke.”

“Thanks,” She replied with a sheepish smile.

They exited the cabin and headed toward the edge of the forest, where two large funeral pyres had been built. Each was at least twice Clarke’s height, and she found the mat where she was supposed to stand, and later keep vigil.

A guard handed her a torch and she went over the words in her head again. Evelynn was dressed similarly to Clarke, but in lighter colors. She began her ceremony, and Clarke turned to begin hers.

Around the pyre were pictures of the deceased, in front of each was a back candle and a bowl. Clarke carried a pitcher of red wine, and an incense holder that was already burning with the smell of lavender.

She made her way around the circle, lighting each candle, pouring wine into each bowl, and warming the wine with the candle. She said a prayer for safe passage to the underworld in their native language, drank the wine, and then moved to the next.

When she was finished, she was decently buzzed, and took the lit torch that was sitting beside her mat, and lit the pyre. She tried not to wobble as she made her way to the mat and knelt, closing her eyes and trying to keep calm as a panic attack threatened her.

She felt Bellamy’s presence beside her, his hand reached out to hold hers as he knelt in the mud beside her. He knew of her fear of fire, and she was infinitely thankful that she didn’t have to face it alone.

The villagers came and went, offering their prayers, grieving their dead, and sobbing loud enough for the gods to hear. By midnight, the pyres had fallen down into lumps of burning charcoal, some unburned bones still were visible.

Bellamy stayed with her the entire time, his hand covering hers, eventually shivering from kneeling in the mud. 

It wasn’t until morning that there were only coals left, and Clarke was allowed to move again. Neither had slept the entire night, and Clarke stood to finish the ceremony. Each picture was lovingly placed among the coals to burn, while Bellamy collected the bowls and left them with a guard. When they were finished, Clarke knelt and said a final prayer before standing to face Evelynn.

“Thank you Clarke,” Evelynn began, grasping her hands. “You did wonderfully. Please take the rest of the day to yourselves. I’ll have food sent over for you.”

“Thank you,” Clarke replied, feeling a headache building.

They walked back to the cabin and Bellamy immediately drew a bath for her. When the water was warm enough, she climbed in and washed the paint from her face and arms, while Bellamy was there to wash her back. 

“I should’ve let you go first,” Clarke said softly as his hands explored her back. “The water’s all filled with paint now.”

“They have indoor plumbing, Clarke,” Bellamy told her. “I can just draw another bath.”

“Okay.”

She climbed out and dried herself off, feeling raw as she walked across the room, naked, to collapse into the bed. Bellamy chuckled as he refilled the bath for himself and Clarke climbed under the covers.

“How wasted are you?” He asked when he eventually got out and joined her in bed.

“Not enough for this hangover to be worth it,” Clarke replied as she moved over to him. “Wake me up when the food gets here.”

“Sure,” He replied and stroked her hair until she fell asleep.

End Chapter 12


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! The story is finally over, and I already have plans for another. But I'm definitely going to write the whole thing before I post this time. That way you guys get consistent content, and I don't get frustrated with myself when I don't deliver.
> 
> I'm thinking a CanonDivergent!AU and Magic!AU set in the world of Season 6. Sorta like a wishful thinking for Season 7 maybe. I also want to do like a drabble collection, but with random scenes I've written. I literally have a word doc called "Doodles" with like 3 pages scenes written as the start of different fics. With some context, they could make good drabbles. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Thank you all so much for sticking with me through this journey and I promise I won't disappoint you next time!

Eight months had passed since Bellamy and Clarke had gone to help the Second Dawn. Since then, Clarke had performed over thirty funerals, including Evelynn’s. One-hundred and ninety-nine people, half of them hidden beneath the surface because of their deformities, were now ash and at rest on the surface. 

The last funeral was for a young girl named Milly. She was short, feeble, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Bellamy had said that she was the spitting image of Clarke, and it made sense. 

To be able to figuratively lay your former self to rest and start anew was something that many people didn’t get to do. To truly gain closure for who you used to be.

Members of Wonkru surrounded the pyre for the child, not wanting Milly to pass on without support. 

Clarke had learned long ago how to dress for the ceremony, and Bellamy had become somewhat of an assistant. He placed and lit the candle beside a picture of Milly that Clarke had drawn, alongside the bowl. 

She lit the incense holder and walked in a circle around the unlit pyre, humming a lullaby as she did so. When she returned to where the picture sat, she poured the wine and warmed it before speaking in trig.

“Please accept these offerings to permit passage of this child,” She said slowly and deliberately. “Allow her to truly live the life she never got to, in the life after death. Blessed be.”

She drank the wine, and knelt before the picture. She straightened her back, and relaxed her shoulders before Bellamy lit the pyre. She closed her eyes as the flames licked at the wood, the fear still clawing at her, but not taking hold like it used to. 

Bellamy’s hand soon covered hers, like they’d done so many times before, and held her tightly as they began their vigil. Madi moved to sit at her other side, also reaching out for Clarke’s hand. She’d learned long ago what the price of leadership was, and wanted nothing to do with it.

Eight months of being surrounded by nothing but death, suffering, and loss were an acceptable amount of torture for Clarke. She no longer believed that she deserved that pain anymore; that she had truly atoned for it. 

And that made her happy.

She’d told Bellamy and Madi that they didn’t have to join her for the vigils, when she’d shown up at the camp a few months in. But even though Clarke still strongly felt that it was only her cross to bear, they wouldn’t let her do it alone.

Members of Wonkru that surrounded them offered prayers as the pyre burned, but they thinned out as the moon rose and fell. By morning the coals were all that was left, and Clarke moved to place the picture into the pyre. It burned with little fanfare before it was reduced to ash, and Clarke finally stood. 

Bellamy stood and put his arm around Clarke and she leaned her head on his shoulder. Clarke put her arm around Madi and pulled her close. 

“Do you feel better, Clarke?” Madi asked.

“Yeah, I do,” She replied as Bellamy kissed the top of her head.

Clarke felt her stomach lurch then, and a sudden nausea hit her. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Bellamy asked.

Clarke shook her head, “Let’s go home before I puke on this girl’s grave.”

“Madi, go get Abby, meet us at home,” Bellamy said, and Madi nodded before running off. 

Bellamy brought Clarke back to the former Commander’s Cottage; the home they now shared with Madi, and laid Clarke on the couch. He went into the kitchen to grab a bowl, which Clarke immediately vomited into. He didn’t say anything as he went to the bathroom to empty it, and then wash it out in the sink. 

“You’re definitely sick, Clarke,” Bellamy told her as he brought the bowl back over. 

“Just, feel my head,” She said quietly and he obliged.

“You don’t feel warm,” He answered. “Maybe it was the wine.”

“I’ve never puked before,” She retorted. “I didn’t drink any more wine than I normally do.”

In lieu of a reply, Bellamy sighed and stroked her hair, “It would suck if you died before we got a chance to be together.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow and Bellamy smirked, “I mean in more than just a physical capacity.”

They shared a laugh as she tried to sit up some, shifting a pillow underneath her head. 

“Do you think you could be pregnant?” Bellamy asked softly.

Clarke cast her gaze toward the ceiling and weighed the options.

“Nausea, vomiting, no fever…it’s possible,” She answered.

Abby came into the room with Madi and Jordan on her heels and practically shoved Bellamy out of the way to check her daughter’s condition.

“No discernable fever…” Abby began.

“I’ve already puked and I’m still nauseous,” Clarke replied. “I think I’m late too.”

Abby gave her a cross look, “We’ll have to draw blood then.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes at her mother as she opened the med kit, “Are you gonna be a bitch about this?”

Bellamy was glaring at Abby now too and lifted Clarke’s legs onto his lap as he sat on the couch.

“No,” Abby replied. “I just think it’s too soon for you to be having a child of your own, let alone with someone like-.”

Clarke swatted the needle out of her mother’s hand, “I’ll go see Jackson later.”

“Clarke-“

“Get out.”

Abby looked shocked by Clarke’s reaction, and Bellamy was practically seething.

“If that’s how you’re gonna be, then go float yourself Abby,” Clarke snapped.

Madi took the needle away from Abby and packed up her med kit for her before shoving her toward the door. Abby took the hint and left and Clarke took a long breath.

“Are you really pregnant, Clarke?” Madi asked as she looked at Clarke’s stomach. “If you’re sick, how far along are you?”

Clarke thought about it for a moment, “I’m not sure. We’d have to ask Jackson.”

Both women glanced at each other, then at Bellamy whom was sitting with his eyes closed.

“Bellamy?” Madi asked. “Are you okay?”

He opened his eyes and looked the pair over, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“I thought you’d be more excited,” Clarke said.

“I am, I am,” He replied. “I’m just trying to wrap my head around it. Staying up all night after a funeral and your mom being a bitch put a damper on my mood.”

Clarke carefully sat up and Bellamy pulled her into his lap, “Sleep on it for a while. We’ll go see Jackson later.”

Bellamy nodded and stood before helping Clarke up, “Yeah. Let’s get you upstairs.”

*************

Clarke woke to the sunset pouring in through the window, and pressed a kiss to Bellamy’s shoulder.

He groaned in response and pulled her up onto his chest, “Morning.”

“It’s evening,” Clarke replied.

He opened one eye and smiled at her, before kissing her forehead. 

“We’re having a baby,” He said softly and kissed her again.

“Maybe,” Clarke replied, then sat up quickly. “Let me puke, then we can go see Jackson.”

Bellamy just laughed as Clarke ran to the bathroom. 

After getting dressed, waking Madi, and eating a light dinner, the trio made their way toward the infirmary where there weren’t many people for once. They found Jackson sitting in the back talking with Miller, and Clarke sat on one of the tables. 

“I thought you were more careful than that, Blake,” Miller commented after they’d explained their situation. 

“What I’m more concerned about is how much wine she’s had to drink for the funeral rituals,” Bellamy replied and Clarke nodded. “Isn’t alcohol bad for babies?”

Jackson nodded, “Did you drink outside of the ceremonies?”

“No,” Clarke replied.

He began drawing blood, “Then I think the baby will be fine. Contrary to popular belief, occasional alcohol use in the early stages of pregnancy is fine.”

He took the blood into the back and then came back out.

“It’ll take us a few days to run, but for now, I advise treating her like she’s pregnant,” Jackson continued. 

“Don’t let my mother anywhere near the results please,” Clarke said quickly. “I want to know as soon as you have them.”

“Of course.”

*************

“Where are we going?” Clarke asked as Bellamy excitedly led her down the path that led out of the village.

“To do something stupid,” He replied as they came to the top of a cliff.

Clarke was now two and a half months pregnant, confirmed by the tests. Jackson had kept his word about keeping it away from Abby, and even though she eventually found out, Clarke and Bellamy were the first to know. 

And every day had been a celebration since. 

There were some things that Clarke had done that still plagued her, but they were far less frequent than they had been. Mostly because Bellamy was so adept at distracting her.

“We’re jumping off cliffs?” Clarke asked.

“Cliff diving was a thing back on earth,” He replied. 

“Sure, but I shouldn’t be cliff diving while pregnant.”

Bellamy sighed, “Look down the cliff, Clarke.”

She carefully approached the edge and saw a small beach down below, but she couldn’t quite make out what was on it.

Bellamy pulled her up and back, “C’mon, there’s a path down the side.”

He linked his arm with hers and kept her steady down the narrow path to the beach, where there was a pair of chairs, with a large basket and an umbrella between them. 

“What is this?” Clarke asked, looking up at a grinning Bellamy.

He just walked over to one of the chairs, and handed a small bundle to Clarke. She opened it, and found what her father had once described to her as a swim suit. It was rather skimpy, but it was a beautiful shade of purple. 

“Go put it on,” He told her before he removed his own shirt.

Clarke smiled and disappeared behind some rocks to change, and sat down in the chair beside him to be encompassed by the sound of rolling waves. She was so entranced by the scenery in front of her, that she didn’t see how Bellamy had produced a shiny object from the pocket of his swim trunks and had taken a knee at her side.

When it became apparent that he wasn’t going to get her attention anytime soon, he gently reached out and took her left hand in his. She turned to look at him and he broke into a smile.

“Clarke, when we first met, we hated each other to the very bone. But after everything that’s happened, to you, to me, to the people we’ve done our best to protect, I’ve realized that the only person I would die for is you.”

A panicked look shot across Clarke’s face, and he immediately backtracked to try and stop her from crying.

“I’m fine, Clarke,” He reassured her as she knelt in front of him in the sand and pulled him into a hug. “Seriously, I’m fine. I’m not going anywhere.”

She looked up at him and he chuckled as he gently wiped the tears away, “I’m sorry. I’m fine. I was just trying to be romantic.”

Clarke spluttered into a laugh and Bellamy squeezed her for a moment. 

“Since I’m terrible at rousing speeches when it comes to you,” He began and she giggled. “I’m just gonna ask. Clarke Griffin, will you marry me?”

Her eyes went wider than saucers, and they very slowly moved down to look at the ring. It was made entirely of glass, and it was just a simple band, but that was all she needed.

“Yes, on one condition,” Clarke said as she broke into a smile. 

“Oh yeah, what’s that?”

“You take my name.”

“That’s fair. Clarke Blake sounds stupid anyway.”

*************

It was a lovely spring day a few months later that the last tragedy befell them.

The day of Bellamy and Clarke’s wedding was the day that Abby’s heart decided to stop in her sleep. After two hours of Clarke and Jackson trying to revive her, at 4:37am Abby Griffin was declared dead, due to complications with her heart as a result of her previous substance abuse.

The wedding was hastily put off for the following day, and at sunset her body was buried in the meadow. Clarke knelt before the mound as Kane and Bellamy put the headstone into place, their close friends standing around them.

“Mom,” Clarke began. “You died as you lived, by ruining my life.”

Surprised expressions surrounded her, but Clarke didn’t turn to look at them, nor did she stop there.

“Despite it all though, I’m glad that you don’t have to fight anymore. Rest now, and may we meet again.”

She took a moment of silence before standing, Bellamy immediately running to her side to support her.

Bellamy hadn’t been excited about the prospect of a child until they’d gotten the test results back, and Clarke had woken up from her nap to him quietly talking to her belly. It was the sweetest thing she’d ever seen, and ever since, she’d been letting him baby her. She knew that he felt bad that he couldn’t help her carry the baby, so she figured she could lessen that burden by letting him take care of her.

That’s not to say that she didn’t enjoy it.

Bellamy kept her steady as they walked back to the house, and Clarke laid out of the couch as she often did. Bellamy sat in front of the couch on the floor, and laid his head near her bump.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t meet your grandma,” Madi said to the baby as she sat next to him.

“It’s okay,” Clarke said. “I don’t think I wanted my mother near the baby anyway.”

Bellamy nodded, “I think we’ll be okay without her.”

Madi nodded, “I think we will be too. She has a big family to help her.”

Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a glance, “’She’?”

“It’s gonna be a girl,” Madi declared. “I can feel it.”

They all broke into smiles and Bellamy laughed, “I hope so. All little girls love their daddies.”

Madi smiled and jumped into Bellamy’s arms. 

“I hope it’s a boy,” Clarke said, surprising the other two. “I want a mama’s boy.”

Bellamy scooted over to Clarke with Madi in his lap, to give her a kiss. 

“I’ll be your mama’s boy.”

“Okay! Okay! I’m going to bed!” Madi declared as she ran from the room. “But I’m telling you! It’s gonna be a girl!”

*************

It wasn’t.

End

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in this fandom, so any comments/kudos are appreciated! I've spent a lot of time looking this over and had my college's creative writing club look this over too. I am by no means a writer or an author, but I do enjoy sharing my ideas with the world.


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